The Top 10 Rules for Talking Like a Leader
It’s deadly to fall in love with your own voice, but the higher you go, the more you need to talk effectively.
Brevity with clarity is gold in a frenetic world.
The top 10 rules for talking like a leader:
- The only reason to open your mouth is to make something better. (If you only remember one rule, make it this one.)
- Be brief. The longer you talk, the less effective you become. The Gettysburg address was 272 words.
- Be brief and ask, “What else would you like to know?”
- Stay present with others. Presence is “going with” even when challenging ideas. You aren’t present when pushing your own agenda at the expense of others.
- Ask people what they need to know, before telling them what they need to know.
- Stay on topic. Chasing rabbits is for dogs.
- Explain yourself. Don’t give people the benefit of your conclusions without explaining how you found them.
- Include purpose when giving direction. Busyness is a fog that obscures the big picture.
- Tell stories. (Remember rule #2.)
- Stay calm if you expect to connect. Strong emotion intimidates.
The power of brevity:
7 short questions to help others reflect:
- If you could?
- What isn’t working?
- What worked best?
- What’s the purpose?
- What energizes you?
- What drains you?
- What matters now?
4 short sentences to help others find solutions:
- What might work?
- Who might know?
- Tell me more.
- And what else?
5 short sentences that ignite forward movement:
- What’s next?
- Why wait?
- Do it now.
- Go for it.
- What’s stopping you?
3 short – life changing – sentences leaders avoid:
- I don’t know.
- I was wrong.
- Please forgive me.
Powerful Leadership Wisdom in only three words:
- Behavior is destiny.
- Make things better.
- Eject energy vampires.
- Leverage your strengths.
- Find a coach.
- Learn from failure.
- Serve your team.
- Say something positive.
- Ask more questions.
- Build strong relationships.
What one thing from this post could you implement today?
What three word sentence could you add?
I needed this one this morning. Unfortunately I read the first line, “The only reason to open your mouth is to make something better,” about five minutes too late! This article makes me optimistic about turning over a new leaf in that area.
Thanks Brian. It’s a journey. Rule #1 is seldom mastered by anyone. Best
Question for clarity – in the sentences leaders avoid, are you suggesting leaders avoid these, but should not? Or are you suggesting these sentences should be avoided by leaders? If it’s the latter, I’d like to hear the reasoning? I’ve seen great team building take place when leaders have the humility to admit they are wrong and ask for forgiveness. Also, refusing to admit when we are wrong, leads to “fake it till you make it” mentality, which is arrogant, insensitive, and destructive.
Dan is not chasing rabbits. 🐰
Thank You!🙋🏽
Sent from my iPhone
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Thank you
My sentence: “Share your passion.” (While keeping Rule #10 in mind, of course.)
Thanks Jim. Love it.
I’ll be brief. Fabulous”
Awesome!
Asking the right questions is definitely a more positive engagement and easily implemented.
11. Listen with attentiveness.
Thanks Joe. Watch out for that “glazed eye” look. 🙂
Excellent !! I’ll be saving this one. Thank You, Mark
Thank you Mark.
To sum it up… excellent advice
Thanks Jodi.
I am interviewing with a potential physician for recruitment on Friday, and have been given the “heads ups” she will want some data, so I am going to implement ” what do you need to know? ” prior so I can be prepared ahead of time, and she can interact with me. My three words would be” be the example” . In other words, don’t expect others to do if you don’t!
Thanks Kathleen. Great strategy. Love the three word sentence you gave us. Brilliant.
Three word sentence: “Show, don’t tell.”
A short sentence to help others find solutions: “What haven’t you tried?”
implement today : “Say something positive.”
Thanks Bud. Great stuff.
First the professing the premise that all can be a Leader is a misnomer and dis-service to real Leaders; Leaders who are then interfered with in actually leading. Who says it best, Jack Welch former CEO of GE
A Leader is made up of five components per Jack Welch, former GE CEO: The first three characteristics are inherent to who that person is. This can’t be taught. It is part of that person’s DNA:
1. Energy — The capacity to go-go-go with healthy vigor and an upbeat attitude through good times and bad.
2. Ability to energize others: Releasing their positive energy, to take any hill.
3. Passion: They care deeply. They sweat; they believe
These last two can be taught if the first 3 are already part of that person’s makeup of who they are. All, most candidly don’t have the mettle of the first three essential requirement
4. Edge — the ability to make tough calls, to say yes or no, not maybe.
5. Talent to execute — very simply, get things done.
Don, I’ve got to disagree with you – in part and with certain caveats.
First, the caveat: a lot of this discussion revolves around the definition of leader and leadership. There’s an assumed discussion, one that emerges from time to time, about whether leaders are a product of nurture or nature. But if we ignore the question that cannot be answered and instead focus on the “value add” that leaders bring to their organization, we can view leadership as a set of behaviors that enable the organization to achieve its goals.
Second, although the science is still emerging and requires further validation, there’s a developing consensus that the primary component(s) of leadership is not subject matter expertise, but the ability to manage relationships in ways that cause others to perform at higher levels.
This brings us into the field of Emotional Intelligence. The research results indicate that most anyone can become a more effective leader by acquiring and mastering relationship skills. (There’s a lot of drudgery wading through the research journals here, but the nub of the matter is that neuroplasticity enables people to develop wider, more responsive neural pathways between the prefrontal cortex – where logic dwells – and the limbic system – where emotion dwells.)
In our research with effective turnaround leaders of nonprofits and churches, we’ve discerned that there are seven distinctions between effective and ineffective leaders. By formulating those differences as “best practices” we have found that, by immersion training and one to two years of coaching, ineffective leaders become effective.
Now, here’s where I agree with you: each person has a maximum leadership capacity. Some are far more capable than others. But here’s where I disagree: anyone can acquire leadership skills and, with mentoring, become more effective as they move toward the limits of their natural leadership capacity.
Sorry for the lengthy reply, but you raise an issue of interest for me.
Good morning Bud,
Ah the proverbial apology at the end ;). None needed for in extracting the best, disagreement in dialogue occurs; it either confirms a position, changes it, or enlightens one in the growth of their position(s).
In looking at your nebulous position of nurture or nature, Leaders are by nature. A true Leader will yes, nurture their evolution, via knowledge and wisdom gained, but their core characteristics, as pointed out by both Jack Welch, and myself-via the real world experience, are part of that DNA; some have it, some don’t. It’s not a criticism of the “some don’ts”; it’s a reality check on real human nature, qualities and limits. Real Leaders understand those limits and bring out the best of each, based on that limit understanding of the individual, and meshing of the group’s limit within each other; that’s how “going beyond” becomes reality
If leadership and being a Leader was just that easy, most would be one; that is why there are so many “followers”; they don’t have that characteristic DNA drive to assume the responsibilities and accountability of true leadership.
I’m surprised: Now Leaders and leadership is a “science.” This is a similar correlation as to how the word “disease” , which used to be a contagious issue, has now taken on a new bloom of everything is a “disease” and now “science” is in a similar dilution.
Without belaboring the entire contents and contexts of your “lengthy reply’ as you referenced, Leaders are not an experiment. Yes, we have to have an emotional understanding of people and how to guide them, but our society has de-evolved in some respects to where that feel good moments of Kumbaya controls destiny; destiny requires pragmatism, logic, and understanding, while interspersing a bit of emotion on human nature and conduct
I still stand with Jack Welch. If one doesn’t have the first three, no amount of “feel good moments” will impart the essentials a Leader needs for success.
I agree with the entire post…minus the 3 sentences that leaders avoid. 🙁 I think a good leader should easily be able to say those 3 sentences in the necessary instance. No matter our position in the hierarchy, we should admit when we are wrong or when we don’t know the answer.
I’m with you on that one. I wonder if Dan made a typo when he used the word “avoid”? Either that or his ” mark up” was missing. Good leaders run to these three confessions all the time!
Thanks Dianna. Looks like I wasn’t very clear. It’s unfortunate that leaders avoid those three sentences. In other words, they should use them more. 🙂
Thank you for the clarification! I found myself scratching my head on that one … Didn’t seem to match your typical philosophy.
I might add one 2 word sentence to the list – CARPE DIEM!!
🙂
Agreed. I was confused by this particular part as well. I see Dan’s clarification now. Leaders have to be humble. You actually encourage others when you are strong enough to admit your weakness.
Excellent post Dan!
Exactly what I needed! I am undertaking a new project to touch base with new hires to our organization (6 months +/-) to gain insight into how things are going, ID areas for improvement etc. These questions are perfect! Thank you, Dan!
Thanks Jordan. Congratulations on undertaking a great project. I wish you success.
This was really powerful, Dan. Thanks for such great thoughts!
Help others smile.
Laugh at yourself.
Good evening Dan:
Todays blog warmed my heart as it put an immediate smile on my face as soon as I began to read. #1. “The ONLY reason to open your mouth is to make something better.” (Those who are lacking in this discipline find it difficult to inspire others.)
I’m going to look for the particular blog later on, but I once penned these same words in a response to one of your post. “I am humbled that it rest atop your ‘Top-10-List’.” Think I got a several ‘Thumb’s-up’! “I’m blushing now.”
This really is a great list of ten. (Say something positive, build STRONG Relationships-a sense of community matters, & one I believe is often overlooked even by the most seasoned of Leaders, (Learn from your failures.) Some may act like their know-it-all’s, but inside , we each know we’re ‘NOT’ perfect. So, if we are to admit that we are flawed & prone to making mistakes, WHY NOT LEARN FROM THEM? like how NOT to make the same mistake twice.
Going back to #1. Even when we as Leaders are faced with addressing personnel issues of a disciplinary nature, isn’t it our job as Leaders to inspire positive change? Do we want to alienate the employee or do we want to see them realize their skill’s and talents and reach their full potential.
Got to go make the donuts Dano. Talk to ya tomorrow
‘Cheers’
SGT Steve
Thanks Dan for making me think. My two sentences…
Never stop learning.
Continually add value.
And I want to echo one you already mentioned… Serve your team!
wonderful post, “as usual” !
Thanks Dan. As a second year Principal in a public school, I find myself struggling to balance “being authentic” and saying too much. I try to remember that as a leader, one is ALWAYS leading…even in the parking lot.
Regarding the life-changing sentence, “Please forgive me”…is there such a thing as too many apologies? Here are 2 examples of a apologies that I have made:
1. Two different grade-level teams were at odds, essentially because of an unclear protocol on signing out a computer cart. While the process for signing these carts out has been in place for longer than I have been Principal, I took responsibility for the lack of clarity. I called both teams into my office and apologized for the fact that there wasn’t a clear protocol for handling the specific situation. I provided direction for how it should be handled moving forward and affirmed that their frustrations were driven by their desire to do their jobs well, and that the lack of clarity got in the way of that.
2. A teacher was frustrated and angry about how a student issue had been handled by another department that handles student services. I listened to that teacher’s frustrations, and the first words from me were, “I am sorry that this is where we landed”.
In both instances, my apologies were sincere. I do not want teams or individuals to be frustrated with their work. My perspective is: if it happens within the boundaries of our school entity, I am responsible for it. With that in mind, I am the one to take the spear.
When do the apologies above become too many?
Thanks Bryan. You have my respect.
When are leaders too many? That’s a great question. As long as an apology is coupled with “this is how we are making things better,” you’re in great shape.
I really like how you handled both situations, especially the way you expressed #2.
An apology without taking action to make things better is weakness.
One thought, I felt that you were taking too much responsibility to make things better. I wonder if the users in example #1 might be the ones to develop a better system. Just a thought.
Inspiring! Thank you!
bravo!!!!!!!!!!!!