How to Interrupt Others and Get to the Point
You wouldn’t be polite to someone who reached into your pocket to steal your credit cards. Don’t be polite with people who persistently steal your time by talking on and on.
Common rules of courtesy don’t apply to unrepentant blabbermouths.
Politely break the rules of courtesy:
Interrupt – Confess confusion.
The moment you feel confused, gently interrupt and say, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I’m lost. Give me your conclusion.”
What’s the point of letting someone talk when they lost you five minutes ago?
Interrupt – Confront wandering.
Blabbers always go off topic.
The moment someone starts wandering, gently interrupt and say, “I’m lost. What’s the the connection between what you’re saying and the issue at hand?”
Interrupt – Challenge bull crap.
Bull crap happens when you ask what they’re doing to solve this issue. They talk about what other people need to do.
Challenge avoidance, confront smoke blowing, and explore excuses.
Interrupt with kind candor, courageous transparency, and forward-facing curiosity. But whatever you do, speak up, unless you want more of the same.
Blabbermouths in meetings:
If you lead meetings, everyone is waiting for you to deal with blabbermouths. Not only are blabbers stealing time from you, they’re stealing everyone else’s time too. Honor the team. Politely interrupt blabbermouths.
5 quick tips:
- Err on the side of courtesy. Don’t rush to judgement.
- Take the gentle private approach first.
- Leave the past in the past. Don’t say, “You always talk on and on.”
- Ask specific questions. Listen for specific answers. Interrupt and ask again.
- Ask for conclusions at the beginning. “Give me your conclusion.”
Exceptions:
- Listen patiently to people who need to unburden their hearts, if it’s not a pattern.
- Give space to someone with unique expertise, useful insights, and relevant experience.
How might leaders deal with people who talk too long?
When is it appropriate to listen to someone who is talking ‘too’ long?
I have a colleague who, whether she is asking a question or answering a question, will go on and on. I know she is doing this to make sure all understand, but I see how it either confuses some or irritates others. I term it going the Encyclopedia Britannica route instead of the Cliff Notes route. Thank you for your tips. I have wanted many times to interrupt, but when I see others do it, the conversation tends to go on even longer.
Thanks Viviana. I wonder if your colleague knows the impact of her behavior. Good feedback describes behaviors and the impact of those behaviors. Most of us are thankful for feedback, even when it stings.
If I had a friend like this, I’d ask them what they are trying to accomplish. Chances are it would surprise them that they are shooting them self in the foot.
Dan, Very pertinent post! Although I feel guilty about interrupting, I have learned the hard way that a team does look up to a leader to stop the energy drain caused by blabbermouths. For the greater good of the common purpose, it is necessary to interrupt such colleagues. I have also learned that depending on the culture of the organization I am in, one form of interruption is preferred over others. For instance, I say, “In the interest of time, let us focus on one thing that we can use to move forward”, or ” I am really curious. Which one of your ideas are the most relevant now. Let us talk about that one.” In my experience, a version of your suggestion, i.e. “I’m lost. What’s the the connection between what you’re saying and the issue at hand?”, works.
Thanks Niraj. Your approach and suggestions are very helpful. The kind, gentle approach is best, unless some people just don’t seem to be able to get the point.
I could see myself saying.. “In the interest of time….”
This article is so timely for me! Any advice for when this person happens to be your boss? Obviously how I handle this is different than a colleague or subordinate. My boss has a kind heart and means well-just very long winded, lacks brevity.
Thanks Shawn. Confronting, correcting, or advising the boss is an interesting, sometimes perilous undertaking. How is your relationship with the boss?
Authority loosens our tongue. Often, those who have the most authority talk the most.
If you have a close relationship, kindly tell your boss that they would be more effective if they spoke with greater brevity. If you are uncomfortable, don’t hide it. Let your boss know that you are uncomfortable but that you think they would be more effective if they were more concise.
Be prepared to give examples, but always focus more on the future. What does your boss want to accomplish? How might brevity be useful?
If you aren’t close with your boss, my suggestion is don’t say anything.
The best teacher is not the one who knows most but the one who is most capable of reducing knowledge to that simple compound of the obvious and wonderful. Thank you for your wise advice Dan.
Thanks Ahmed!
An old friend of mine did a bit of preaching as a side line from his job writing code for computers. What he said was that the way to approach a discussion was tell people WHAT you’re going to tell them. TELL them what you want to tell them, then tell them what you TOLD them.
I’m not sure you always need the full plan, but I think he was onto something. In a book, do the buildup then the conclusion. In a meeting, tell people the conclusion, THEN follow up with the why. In a discussion, people often need the “what” to understand the context of the “why” of the story. If people are sitting asking themselves why what you are telling them is relevant, it increases the chance they won’t understand your conclusion.
Thanks Mitch. I found your insights about different contexts interesting and helpful. Get to the conclusion in a meeting. Chances are the participants have enough background to wait for the rest of the story. Better yet, just ask them, “What do you need to know?”
In a discussion, when people need context, your suggestion to focus on ‘what’ is also really helpful.
When people don’t have background they need more preparation for the conclusion.
“When is it appropriate to listen to someone who is talking ‘too’ long?”
When that person is slowly, carefully and painstaking talking you though how they found a ticking timebomb you hadn’t noticed, and they are helping you to defuse it before it detonates and takes you and your whole team with it. Then, when they finally finish, thank them sincerely.
It’s helpful to let people know when you are confused so they can slow down. It’s also helpful when someone sees something that you don’t that they tell you what’s going on so you can appreciate the need to listen for a long time. 🙂 Thanks again for your insights. Very helpful
This is a particularly difficult skill for many women, as study after study have shown that often men interrupt and talk over others and women are more likely to wait and listen. I would caution leaders of either gender to make sure you are giving people their due and really listening to what they are saying. And “when is it appropriate to listen to someone who is talking ‘too’ long?” – when you sense that they are working out the problem as they speak.
Thanks Katie. I’m glad you brought gender issues to this. You remind me that interrupting gently, humbly, kindly, and with a clear purpose is important. There’s no need to be angry or aggressive. Interrupt for the well being of others, for example.
Dan, you know the old saw – when the student is ready the Master will appear. As I invite guest lecturers to a course that I teach, I’ve been struggling with this very challenge – how do I interrupt effectively without being rude. Safe to say it’s very much a work in progress. Your article, as always is not just a timely reminder but a very practical guide. Shall put it to use starting today.
Thanks Dan, I truly appreciate all the wisdom transferred through your blog. Interrupting has always been a challenge, especially when you are dealing with conflict or circumstances that require brevity. I have learnt one simple phrase that if delivered effectively, can insert you into any conversation without creating issue. This technique starts with a “wait a second” or ‘wait, what?’ prior to the following statement. With a tone that infers curiosity, simply state “Let me be sure that I understood what you just said.”. After that you can paraphrase in succinct words what they have been saying and either allow them to agree or modify/clarify. This allows you to take back the conversation and turn it in a more professional or productive direction. I’ve learnt that no one listens harder or stops talking faster than if they think they are going hear there own point of view.
Here’s a reply I’ve yet to see…I’m that person! I’m the one in a meeting who goes on and on. No bullcrap, but as my good friend once told me, in my desire to make sure everyone understands, I say the same thing a few ways. Ugh! I have an awesome team, and thankfully, we like and respect each other. But I know my over-communicating could be frustrating. How do I give clarity without blabbing?
I have been critiqued about this too. My critics thought it was a “Mom” thing. As “Mom” I would try to bring my children along with whatever was happening, and explain at different levels for the different ages. I would say…take it a little at a time and and explain less and less. From their point of view, you aren’t trusting them to a) get it, or b) be assertive enough to ask for clarification if they need it. Think of it like the neat freak who maybe doesn’t need to dust the coffee table twice a day…so try once a day, and then maybe once every other day, once a week…at some point it will really be too dusty and then you will find the right level that you and others can live with.
thank you