A Young Leader Receives a Sh*t Sandwich
Incompetent leaders only have performance conversations when someone screws up.
Things get worse when inept leaders finally have performance conversations.
Michael Lapointe reminded me that incompetent leaders suck at performance conversations. (Michael left a comment on yesterday’s post.)
Michael wrote about a sh*t sandwich he was given when he was a young leader. ‘Sh*t sandwich’ is another expression for the ridiculous practice of sandwiching negative feedback between positive affirmations.
The ‘sh*t’ was that he was a lousy leader.
Heart break:
The part of Michael’s comment that jumped off the screen – apart from the colorful language – was, “At the time I was a young leader.”
If you care about success, affirm young leaders.
Who to affirm – Who to correct:
Novices:
Support and encourage novices. Provide much more positive feedback than negative. Positive feedback elevates confidence and increases commitment.*
Tell tenderfoots what they’re doing right.
When someone tries something new, pat them on the back. Don’t kick them in the pants. Nit-picking feels like disapproval to the inexperienced.
Tip: Ask the inexperienced where they would like to improve before offering corrections or suggestions.
Experts:
Show experts how they’re tripping over their own feet. Pop the bubble of perceived competence. Veterans have enough confidence to appreciate opportunities for improvement.
Show experts how they could be even better.
Evaluation:
Evaluate your leadership by asking yourself whose performance is improving because of your influence. You’re incompetent when those around you aren’t improving. I don’t care what results you’re achieving.
Whatever you do, learn how to elevate the performance of the people around you.
The science of leadership includes measuring results. The art and craft of leadership is about developing people.
The ultimate test of leadership is the trajectory of those you serve.
What do lousy performance conversations look like?
What factors make performance conversations effective?
* NY Times
I give good and bad feedback often, but have used the s**t sandwich to soften the blow of bad feedback when I expect it will especially hurt and to remind them that it’s not all bad. Do you disagree with the tool overall – it sounds like you feel it’s never appropriate, and I want to make sure I’m providing feedback effectively. Curious about your thoughts.
Thanks Rwmnau. I think as a matter of courtesy, the feedback sandwich makes some sense. However, it is a terrible waste of a good affirmation. My preference to to separate affirmation from redirecting/corrective feedback. Give lots of affirmations. Let them stand on their own. Give so many affirmations that you don’t need to count on the feedback sandwich to soften the blow. l
Just a thought. Thanks for your curiosity. What comes to mind for you?
“Give so many affirmations that you don’t need to count on the feedback sandwich to soften the blow.” I have always tried to cultivate a leadership identity around a strengths-based approach and you nailed it with this single sentence. Love it!
I can see the point to this – I was seeing it as a way to soften negative feedback, but then I’ve gotten some of the s**t on the good feedback and tarnished it a bit. I suppose the “give good and bad feedback often, as they occur” is very much like the One-Minute Manager, and I need to work on ensuring that I provide both as soon as possible rather than saving them for a regular conversation or 1:1. Thanks for the encouragement – I’ll take it back as some action!
I can see the point to this – I was seeing it as a way to soften negative feedback, but then I’ve gotten some of the s**t on the good feedback and tarnished it a bit. I suppose the “give good and bad feedback often, as they occur” is very much like the One-Minute Manager, and I need to work on ensuring that I provide both as soon as possible rather than saving them for a regular conversation or 1:1. Thanks for the encouragement – I’ll take it back as some action!
Yes, I think the One Minute Manager idea applies. Perhaps we get too formal or too serious about these conversations. That seems to add stress.
I have a weekly meeting with three people on my team. Every meeting we talk about performance. Frequency makes it easier. It seems to set the tone that we are committed to help each other get better.
Most tools or methods can be effective or colossal failures. As my grandfather would say, “a good workman never blames his tools”. This is true with the “sandwich” tool and it really depends on the first sentence – if the only time a supervisor has a conversation is when there’s a problem, then it doesn’t matter what approach is taken – its going to be far less effective than in situations where there is an established relationship between the leader and their acolyte. Where there is relationship, a conversation that goes, “Listen Michael as we’ve agreed, part of your development involves me giving you feedback. Here’s what you did really well on the XYZ project ….. and here’s what didn’t go well ….” Or even better, “Here’s what you did really well …. Tell what didn’t go as you wanted, and what that taught you that you’ll use on the next project.”
There some excellent work that’s been done by Dr. John Gottman – who specializes in marriage relationships – but can also be applied to the workplace. One of the predictors of relationship disintegration is what he calls a harsh startup. “When a discussion leads off with criticism, it has begun with a “harsh startup.” The research shows that if your discussion begins with a harsh startup, it will inevitably end on a negative note. Statistics tell the story: 96% of the time, you can predict the outcome of a conversation based on the first three minutes of the interaction.
So … mechanical “sandwich” given where this is little or no relationship foundation – not good. Given where relationship is established, trust exists – fine and dandy – provided it’s a only a piece of the conversation – not the entire conversation.
Thanks Mark. The structure you suggest makes perfect sense, especially if performance conversations are frequent. The trouble with the sandwich really comes out when leaders wait for problems to have performance conversations.
Your comment helped me see the context that makes the feedback sandwich so offensive to me. But, when I talk to leaders about performance conversations, the idea you suggest are right where I go. Explore and affirm success. Discuss better. I also like limiting the conversation to one thing. Thanks again.
Mark, enjoyed reading and thinking about your additions to the post. The :harsh startup” is a phrasing I like. We have begun training on a process of learning to seek first and then tell. The purpose is multi-faceted, but includes getting at the “direct drive” nature of many leaders – myself included. Your description above doesn’t seem to have a sandwich in it, just a good sense of protecting relationship and the persons self-esteem while providing needed feedback and accountability. I find that often a person knows they missed the mark and with thoughtful questions that comes to light. If they don’t know they missed, then the leader did not ensure expectations were clearly communicated and agreed upon.
Mark, excellent comment.
Managers believe that good news is better and will offset the bad news.
Why do we promote or hire managers who do not know how to or will not give constructive feedback when necessary?
Dan,
if we as leaders have “nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all” the cliche’ has been around for a long time! The reality, “if we” allow the “Sandwich ” to develop, “we have failed ourselves and our people”. No matter what it is, we as leaders need to stay on the situation to correct the path for a brighter opportunity for ourselves and others to grow. The building of a culture to affirm the opportunities of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, evolves around all of us to nurture.
Thanks Tim. I suppose that even negative feedback should have a ‘nice’ component. It’s not about being mean. It’s about being helpful.
Dan,
My thoughts exactly, “being helpful”, no need to bite their heads off, just a minor or major realignment is needed at times. Doesn’t require a nasty disposition to deliver the message.
I thought literally you meant he received a sandwich! “That’s bold!” I thought. When I think of the sandwich, I think of how in my experience Americans “soften the blow,” maybe part of the “participation trophy” generation and how “blunt” often produces better results because the message can’t get lost in the sandwich. The “yeah but” approach I think we all like to use because it gives the illusion that “this really isn’t too big a problem but….” I like the idea of mentoring “young” leaders, whatever that means, and I like the idea of part of my job is to get others where they want to be given the collective mission and greater good.
Thanks Martin. I’m with you. The “yeah but” approach isn’t helpful. Kind candor is better than beating around the bush. Just say it clearly, briefly, and kindly. Then get busy on designing steps for forward movement.
Less time looking to the past. More time creating the future.
The manager who gave me that feedback sandwich had just given me a positive review 2 weeks earlier. When being ‘let go’ … I brought this previous positive meeting up in our final meeting with her and the HR Representative. My manager said ‘I can’t deal with this’ … and then went back to her office. When she left my office, I turned to the HR Rep and said ‘… and you call that a leader?’ I was a pawn for her plans and her past evaluations were disingenuous … like a smoke screen to hide her true intentions. Using a feedback sandwich for the wrong reasons is destructive. In my case, it caused a serious problem with trust … it was figuratively shattered my sense of trust into a million pieces. I could see a feedback sandwich as an effective tool if used by a trusted individual that does not have any hidden motives. The ‘sandwich’ might have worked on me in the past but I will closely scrutinize anyone who uses it in the future.
Thanks Michael. Hats off to you for your transparency. It feels like your situation is both a feedback issue and a trustworthy leadership issue. Perhaps the trustworthy leadership issue is the bigger of the two.
If we trust our leaders, we are more likely to overlook their frailties. But if we don’t trust them, all their weaknesses get bigger and more troubling.
Thanks for this post. I am a young (age and experience) leader myself. I know that I need work in a handful of areas and rarely need someone to point out when I screw up because I am the biggest critic of myself- and others, admittingly. And I read right through the Sh*t sandwich, often saying things like, “Give it to me straight, boss.” Times when I need correction/direction are not the best time to serve a compliment. I would rather know the steps to do better next time. Likewise, encouragement when something does go well is always appreciated. Timing is important!
Thanks Joseph. You illustrate perfectly the importance of not polluting a good affirmation with some correction. Just say it.
Many of the people on our teams are harsh with themselves. That’s where specific affirmations can help…although the inner critic has a very loud voice.
I just want to toss in here that I love that you wrote a post based on something you saw in the comments yesterday. It makes your blog seem more like an ongoing conversation than a daily lesson. Sorry to jump off topic 🙂
Thanks Katie. It was a great excuse to use sh*t sandwich.. 🙂
Seriously, the comments are my favorite part of blogging.
I hate the Shit Sandwich! But I do agree with some of these other commentators that we need to maintain manners when giving feedback. It’s just as offensive to jump straight into “Thanks for attending this meeting, this is where you went wrong” as it is “you absolutely nailed X, but Y was a fail, but thanks again for X!”
It’s important to continuously provide positive AND constructive feedback so when you have performance conversations you don’t have to rely on the disingenuous Shit Sandwich. But it’s also good to remind someone of their value to show it’s not an attack, it’s a performance adjustment. “I really do appreciate the work you’ve been doing on X, it’s really top stuff. What I have noticed though is you’ve been getting bogged down with Y which is detracting from the success of X. What can we do to remedy this?”
I’m new to leadership myself so I’m really conscious of these strategies currently. My dad recently gave me this same advice, worded a little differently but it was the same message. I think it’s really good advice, thanks for your article Dan!
As a not so young leader, I have many times received feedback in the form of, “here, sign this performance doc” (without any discussion) or “you’re doing fine, if I have an issue, I will tell you” or the s- sandwich…..For my purposes, as a leader, I still like the Oreo cookie approach: Start positive, work into the constructive feedback & what needs to be done about the issue, finish positive. Sandwiching the negative concern between positive feedback about what they’re doing right. Of course, this assumes positive intent on the part of the individual you are giving the feedback to. 🙂