The Surprising Face of Belief
Believe in people if you expect greatness from them. But what does it look like?
4 faces of disbelief:
- Accepting mediocrity. There’s nothing inspiring about being average when people are capable of remarkable.
- Coddling rather than encouraging. Coddling accepts poor performance. Encouragement says you can reach higher.
- Accepting average performance from youself while demanding exceptional from others.
- Ignoring tough issues and destructive patterns.
You can’t demoralize people and expect them to rise to greatness.
The surprising face of belief:
Abe, our eight year old grandson, lifted his shirt to show me the bruises and scrapes he had on his left side. He’d fallen out of a tree. I winced, “That must have hurt.” He nodded sheepishly.
He lifted his left elbow to show me a scab that made me cringe. He’d crashed his skate board during a race. Finally, he showed me bruises on his right side from the same crash.
I looked him in the eye and gave him a congratulatory, “Gooood for you!” He looked perplexed.
“You’re a manly man!”
His eyes sparkled. He smiled and ran off. A little later he came back to show me a fresh scrape on his upper arm. I said, “That’s gonna make you tough. Way to go.”
He looked proud, “It’s not much.”
Later in the day I said, “Let me see that arm. Way to go!”
Abe loves climbing trees, being in plays, and racing his skate board. I believe in him so much that I refuse to feel sorry for him when he falls. Pain makes him resilient and tough.
I don’t want life to be easy for Abe. I want him to see strength in himself. It takes grit to find greatness. Ease is the enemy.
What does it mean to believe in the people on your team?
Abe showing off his elbow.
When we believe in our teams, they know that we support, believe and trust them. At the same point your there for them when they need you. Give till you can not give no more of yourself and they will follow.
Thanks Tim. I love the idea that support isn’t affirmation of mediocrity but belief that people can reach higher next time. I hate the idea that supporting people is accepting poor performance when they could do better.
I like the idea that support is ‘pulling with’ not ‘pulling for.’
Understanding everyone has a value for the team and enhancing their contributions by allowing them the freedom to explore their strengths and weakness, we can build the weaknesses to strengths.
Love the visual that the road of learning/improvement has physical signs. As adults, it may look like; exhaustion, tears, courageous conversations, laughing at ourselves, late nights, questioning, the silence of being a listener and asking for help. Thanks Dan!
Thanks Margo. Your comment is strangely encouraging. 🙂
I am a principal who writes a weekly email to our entire building, dubbed “Friday Thoughts.” Recapping the week, highlighting successes, etc. Your daily writing frequently influences my weekly message…..YOU are making a difference at Rice Lake Elementary 💕
Dan’s, is making a difference in the world too, Margo I’m ever so thankful you have meet him and be part of his journey!
Thanks for the good word Margo.
Because it happened to me, one way to believe in your team is to believe in someone before they believe in themselves.
Often times people have never been affirmed. They’ve never been told “I believe in you”. I recently promoted someone to a leadership position. She is a sweet sweet girl that would simply come in and do her job because she has a passion for it. But never in a million years would she have ever expected to be the leader of that team. When I presented her with the opportunity a look of shock came over her face; however a look of sheer joy closely followed.
As we look for individuals who exhibit leadership potential, sometimes our initial approval gives them the confidence to reach higher than ever before!
Also, with continual work and development, she has been doing great in her new role 😃
Brilliant! I believe that leaders believe in others before they believe in themselves. Great story.
Glad to hear about the continued mentoring “work” and development of the needed leadership skills. When folks get promoted with lots of possibility yet don’t get the needed training and support for a new position they are set up to fail. Believing in others is a great start AND continued opportunities to learn and grow into the position make it great for the person and those they lead,
Believe in your Team, even when they screw up. You will be amazed what your team will think of you not to mention what others that are not on your team will think.
Thanks Jim. Screw ups help people know what leaders are all about. If success is the only thing a leader will accept, people start playing it safe. If failure is a learning opportunity, people learn to trust leaders and give their best.
AMEN Brother!!!!
Screw ups are great. Maybe consider avoiding the use of stereotypes like ‘manly man’ and focus on being tough and focused instead.
Thanks Annie. I confess that I like the manly man language. I hope it’s not too offensive. Having said that, I embrace the idea of affirming things like hard work, toughness, grit, creativity, in all our grandchildren. I think Carol Dweck’s book MindSet is valuable in this regard.
Dear Dan, I love your daily blogs. I’ve been reading them for several years.
But as a parent raising a boy and a girl, this perplexed me: “You’re a manly man!” … “That’s gonna make you tough. Way to go.”
I think I get what you intend. And you might think I’m being unnecessarily particular about words. But I believe language and mirroring are deeply formative. Would we ever say to a girl, “You’re a manly woman. Or you’re a womanly woman!” ? I want both my son and daughter to be strong, and sensitive, caring, kind, resilient, and strong-willed. But in this generation, with Politics as dismal as they are, I want to do better with calling for qualities I hope to embed in my children and our culture. I agree that growing strength and grit is essential in leaders. So is courage, kindness, emotional availability and open-heartedness.
I do like this post, but I would like to echo what Annie and Kim both said. Words do matter. And, I feel I need to respond to Josh referring to his employee as a “sweet, sweet girl.” Josh, It’s great you recognized her potential and promoted her into a leadership position. But she’s a grown woman. She deserves to be referred to as such instead of as a ‘girl.” As a woman in a heavily male-dominated I appreciate the opportunity to comment.
Thanks Riva. Language does matter. My wife was a professional woman who saw the good ole boys club. Congrats on breaking in. My reading suggests that the glass ceiling still exists and pay gaps, sadly, are real.
Thanks again.
Thanks Kim. You have my respect for your thoughtful comment. Thanks also for being a long-time reader.
I believe in diversity. However, diversity is meaningful only if men and women are different from each other.
I think it’s OK to celebrate that difference as long as it doesn’t belittle the other. Sadly, we haven’t always done well at celebrating difference and expressing equal respect at the same time.
I did write about our little granddaughter the other day. That post might show another side of the story. http://bit.ly/2r3z4Tb
Even in the above link you’ll see me being clumsy with language when I say Don’t believe Momma. Daddies say, “Be careful,” too.
In any case, thanks again for your thoughtful comment.
Everything can be be reframed into something positive.
“The project failed miserably”, can easily become “The project went south, and we did more than just survive. We learned something critical that will help us out-compete our competition.”
When things go bad or someone does something we consider stupid, there are quite a few of us that will criticize, insult, and punish that someone. These people are not the norm, but there is so much of them out there that people feel it is the norm.
Your grandson reminded me of my past, sir. Now, I’m 20 years old and still love to climb tress. Sometimes, branches ditch me, ha. But it is fun being a child because a child believes that everything is possible. And this belief fades away day by day as we grow up. I’m not grown up. Just my body parts have become big. Thanks for sharing what you felt. Live well.
Way to go Abe. and Dan. That’s a great way to approach the “boo-boos of life” haha. some of the injuries I’ve sustained through board-sports i wish I could take back. But they all have served a different or compounding lesson and purpose.