What’s the Bravest Thing You Could Do Today
Yesterday I asked a question I’ve never asked a client before. “What’s the bravest thing you could do today?”
His thinking shifted. His eyes went first to the ceiling and then around the room.
I waited.
My job as a coach is giving leaders a moment to look at themselves in new ways. It often feels like new shoes.
When confronted with a potential shift in thinking, people say things like:
- I don’t know.
- I’m not sure.
- I’ll have to think about that.
- I’ve never thought of it that way before.
When thinking shifts:
#1. Embrace the awkward silence. Don’t interrupt someone’s shift in thinking by blabbing. Give them space to reflect. Don’t pressure people. Relax.
Old patterns of thinking feel safe, even if they aren’t working.
#2. Listen to reasons for not acting boldly, but don’t explain why they should. The first thing people do when thinking shifts is find reasons why they should stay the same.
People explain why it won’t work before they find reasons why it will.
The worst thing you can do is answer for them. They need to convince themselves. Stop answering all the reasons people give for playing it safe.
You’ve answered someone’s concern only to encounter a new reason why something won’t work. The issue isn’t logic. It’s fear.
An excuse is the reason why an unsatisfying present should stay the same.
#3. Nudge people toward the edge.
- I see what you can’t do, what could you do? (Say, “You,” not, “We.”)
- How important to you is moving this issue forward? Explore purpose and priorities.
- What would you like to try?
- What’s the bravest thing you could do today?
How might leaders bring teams or individuals to a shift in thinking?
What questions might help people see themselves in new ways?
There was an intern in our organization last year that had an opportunity to lead a volunteer meeting of over 200 people. She was visibly nervous a couple days before and kept talking about how she didn’t have what it took, etc. I heard her saying these things so I went over to have a conversation with her. I began to ask her what skills and talents she possessed that would help her get through her talk. She was reluctant to play along at first, but as I kept asking those questions, she started to believe more and more in herself. Helping people realize what has been placed in them (many won’t realize the gifts they have) allows them to see themselves in a different light.
Thanks Josh. Love the story. Leaders would better serve others if they helped others focus on their strengths, gifts, and talents.
It seems there’s a close relationship between confidence and courage.
All of this = Amazing! As a coach, the bravest thing I can do is mediate or facilitate someone’s thinking in such a way that it allows them the opportunity to arrive at their own understanding. This is an art! It takes intentional listening and a willingness to let go of “fixing” and step into “facilitating”. I feel often times leaders get hyper-focused on fixing and rob people of the amazing opportunity of arriving at an understanding that ultimately should lead to ownership. If I say it, I own it! This was a great read to start my day with! Thank you.
Thanks Jeannie. “If I say it. I own it.” … Powerful!!
It does take courage to hold back your ‘deep wisdom.’ 🙂 But, when we do, we help others find their own wisdom. In the process, it seems they embrace their bravery.
Got me thinking, for sure. Daily challenges and all that. And Jeannie’s post on facilitation jumped my brain to an article my friend Dan Stones published a couple of days ago called, “HOW TO CONQUER THE TWO FEARS CURRENTLY PARALYSING YOUR TEAM” – You guys are thinking in the same channel, I think.
You can find Dan’s (the other Dan!) at https://medium.com/@dan_stones/how-to-conquer-the-two-fears-currently-paralysing-your-team-6becf1c13a13
And, Dan, you will LOVE Dan’s lead graphic. I am going to parallel post a blog piggybacking on Dan’s ideas and use that same thing (with his permission and probably with him as a co-author.)
All this stuff IS about reflection and perspective and the generation of considered alternatives.
Have FUN out there, too!
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Hey Dr. Scott. Yes…I love the graphic!
Happy writing. And you are right. Reflection, perspective, and alternatives can really rock someone’s world. Cheers
PLUS, there is that ongoing reality that I always express as, “Nobody ever washes a rental car.”
I’ve anchored to this ownership / investment idea for 20 years as the differentiator as to whether something gets done or not. My Mom still tries to tell me my reality using that “constructive criticism” mode that has been going on for a long time (she is 98) — she never understands that my reaction is ALWAYS defensive and that if it is not my ownership, it simply does not happen.
Yelling and Telling are NOT going to change much (other than generate sabotage!). Asking and inviting is a much better strategy.
And. “Fear is the Mindkiller.” (Dune)
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Is it wrong that the biggest nugget today is no one wash’s a rental car? No ownership result in no passion.
Fantastic!
I see a lack of bravery when leaders wait for what I will term as detailed, absolute clarity before moving into a project or task. They do not trust that leap and going where their instinct leads them. A deep fear of being ‘wrong’ outweighs their desire to simply try on their own. Great at following instructions. Not so great at finding a way.
Worst thing that can happen when finding a way is realizing you are on the wrong path and someone HELPS you recalibrate. If you have a good relationship with your ‘manager’ that should be welcome input.
Great post Dan. This one has me jazzed.
Thanks Will. I think the way we handle failure has a lot to do with instilling boldness in people. If we punish failure, people get timid. If failure is a learning opportunity, they grow.
love this question
So, It is becoming more clear to me that thinking, reasoning and decisions that I make driven by fear are most likely wrong and I need to move towards thinking, reasoning and decisions based on faith. It is abundantly clear to me now that I need to recognize the fear and move towards faith. Fear wants to lean on my own understanding and faith seeks wise council and moves out in obedience even when I don’t understand. Hence the vital importance of team work and wise counselors.
Powerful post!! “The worst thing you can do is answer for them!” Miller & Rollick the gurus of ‘motivational interviewing describe this as ‘stealing all the good lines’. A trap that is embedded in our very DNA. The righting reflex makes us want to solve the other party’s problems. Fatal …
Inviting … nudging people toward the edge. A dance not a wrestling match!
Great post here. Being a coach is a challenging thing as you can do so much for others just by our words and actions. You can direct their thinking and lead them to a path where they can make themselves better. I’m just amazed how you can make on point posts every time,
Dan. Really good example in this article of how to respond and illicit response. Thank you.
Thanks Steve.