50% of Your Emotional Vocabulary is Negative
It’s easy to slip into the dark while grappling with performance issues and people problems.
Nagging problems corrode optimism.
Capacity for negative:
Leaders have opportunity and capacity to become negative. Some have inclination.
“Half of all the words that people produce from their working vocabulary to express emotion are negative. And 30 percent are positive and 20 percent are neutral.” Robert Schrauf
Only one of our six basic emotions is universally positive; happiness, sadness, fear, anger, disgust, and surprise. This doesn’t mean we experience all emotions equally. It speaks to capacity.
A twice a day project:
Twice a day I intentionally bring praiseworthy things to mind, when I walk and at 3:00 p.m. But there’s a knot in my brain.
Praiseworthy thinking begins with choosing a context. I can’t come up with praiseworthy thoughts out of the blue.
Think of three praiseworthy attributes, attitudes, or behaviors for the people listed below.
- Poor performers.
- Team members you like.
- Team members you don’t like.
- Upper management.
It’s desperate if you can’t think three praiseworthy thoughts about everyone on your team. (List of 15 praiseworthy behaviors.)
Tips for praiseworthy thinkers:
- Deal with performance issues. Don’t ignore them. Think about praiseworthy things before bringing up negative concerns. For example, think about things you respect about the person you’re about to speak with.
- Keep your thoughts to yourself. Twice a day, think praiseworthy thoughts and keep them to yourself. This is for you.
- Continue expressing gratitude, recognizing improvement, and honoring success when you see it.
Development:
Everyone who develops their leadership knows what they’re working on. If you can’t name something, you aren’t developing.
Last week, I worked on intentional kindness. I learned more from failure than success. It was a fiasco. This week I’m developing praiseworthy thinking. (It’s only thinking.)
What shifts for you when you think praiseworthy thoughts about others?
What leadership behavior are you working on?
One author put it this way:
Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.
It is the goal we strive for as leaders but are challenged by the mundane and routine all around us. As a man thinks, he becomes.
Thanks McSteve. There’s a little expression in your comment that opens a new door to thinking for me, “Mundane and routine.” My thinking was centered on the pressures and stresses of leadership.
I can see where things like paperwork might distract leaders from praiseworthy thinking. One more reason to be intentional about this practice.
Dan,
This practice serves me well. It is so easy to allow negativity to creep into to our thoughts. responses and actions. Staying positive brings balanced forward thinking energy. Thanks for the reinforcement.
Thanks for sharing your story, Dale. There’s something comforting about reading that it’s easy to allow negativity to creep in. Maybe some leaders are constantly positive. I’m not one of them. Misery loves company. 🙂 Cheers!
Paul was a great author. His letters are amazing. Your reference from Philippians 4:8 is definitely a verse to live by.
Thanks for jumping in Cy.
If there be any virtue or praise to be, dwell on these things … whatsoever is true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good: report.
It’s natural that half of our emotional descriptors are negative; what’s unnatural is that 20% are neutral …
Happiness is an aberration (NOT the norm) … a byproduct not only of dwelling on the good (in I, You, AND Us), but of actually achieving it. It promotes happiness to report that an authentic good (excellence) has been achieved (by whomever)…
We all win …
Unless we resent the happiness of the Other. Beware the presence of submissive hostility (read: passive-agressive) usually expressed in “neutrality.”
Thanks Rurbane. Surprisingly, Harrison Poling indicates that about 8 in 10 Americans (81%) strongly or somewhat agree that they are generally happy with their life at this time.
Having said that, my focus is on leaders who face constant pressure. When all you do is deal with problems it can be easy to become negative.
Our society is so bombarded with negativity today, I’m amazed the positive words are as high as 30%. Anger is entirely too prevalent today. Frankly, I don’t recall this much anger among the populace in the 1960s.
Today’s post should remind all of us regardless of position that there is another way to think about how to deal with our and others’ emotions.
Thanks Jim. You make me think about the influence leaders can have on the environement of work. Just walking down the hall with a worried look can create concern in others.
One shift leaders often make is managing their emotions.
I think negativity is all TOO natural for all of us. I know among my fellow team members, we do a TON of complaining, myself included. We are always working on the solution, but that is usually one of our complaints that we feel as if though we are the only ones working on the solutions. BUT we need to make sure we can also see the silver lining in things. Most of the time we will complain and then say “BUT THEY ARE DOING A GOOD JOB…..in this way or that way”. So I think we may do it more than we think, but man do we complain a lot. I think getting out your frustration is also a good thing too, but probably do it in moderation.
Jenna, I recall a similar atmosphere at a previous employer among my folks. It got so bad that was all anyone talked about. Realizing this talk had metastasized and was spilling over into other departments who readily joined in the complaining sessions, the directors of these departments met and instituted a number of different actions to diminish the talking and eventually killing the cancer. One thing done was to cancel routine staff meetings, which provided the forum for the complaining and re-designing the staff meeting format and reducing the number. Another rule, if you are going to complain, you have to have a offer a suggestion for improvement or do not complain.
Thanks Jenna. I’m with you. I have to really pay attention to the things I talk about. It’s so darn easy to wallow in the mud. Then I wonder why the world stinks… 🙂
Sadly, the BUT THEY ARE DOING A GOOD JOB doens’t have the weight of a nice jucy complaint.
Dan,
Focusing on ” attentive listening” for me, paying attention to others needs.
Making an effort to stay positive everyday is a battle, yet one worth winning!
Negative is easy, but as mentioned offer a solution before you complain is a better idea as Jim Leemann mentions, I like his process for ” complainers”.
Thanks Tim. Yes, the battle for positvitity in our organizations is worth winning. Darkness is natural unless we intentionally develop a positive orientation. This includes listening as you indicate.
Most people catch others doing the wrong thing because of negative programming. Example, parents catching their kids doing the wrong thing. Teachers catch their students doing the wrong thing. Bosses catching their people doing the wrong thing. We naturally focus on it. I always told my people, it’s just as easy to catch people doing the right thing.
Negativity does creep in and if you don’t evict it-righteously- it stays and permeates all that you do. As leaders we are constant targets for negativity, but I choose to find humor and joy in all my encounters with staff. If we begin by thinking about each others as human beings, the rest just follows.