When Others See Your Value – Others See Your Value
Before a recent presentation, a woman asked me a question I’ve never been asked. I was shaking hands with the audience when it happened.
“What makes you qualified to give this presentation?”
I searched her face to discern her intent. Was she angry? Challenging? She seemed sincere and pleasant, but resolved to hear a real answer.
“Wow! That’s an interesting question,” I replied.
After a pause for contemplation, I said, “Social confirmation.”
I could have talked about education, achievements, skills, or experience. My white hair makes me look like a man of experience. I have degrees. I’m good at a few things. I’ve written over 2,500 short articles in seven years.
Education, achievements, skills, and experience demonstrate our qualifications. But they don’t open the door for me to give presentations, lead workshops, and coach leaders. A large following – social confirmation – opens doors.
When others see your value – others see your value.
Leverage social confirmation:
A long line at the restaurant is social confirmation. If the parking lot is empty, we have enough “evidence” to determine the food stinks.
Social confirmation validates worth and extends influence.
You damage others, teams, and yourself when you badmouth the people around you.
Don’t be surprised if the people you tear down find it difficult to get things done. The way you talk about people elevates their status or weakens their authority.
Respect given – while others are watching – impacts one’s ability to influence others and get things done.
#1. Give public acknowledgement. Praise is social confirmation. Gratitude might be a private matter, but praise requires an audience.
#2. Don’t make others look bad so you can look good. Social dis-confirmation lowers our ability to get things done through others.
#3. Spread the good word. Leverage customer testimonials to elevate the status and influence of team members.
How might leaders leverage social confirmation to increase the effectiveness of colleagues and team members?
She was obviously not one of your 500K followers. If it was a presentation on leadership that she was attending she may want to consider signing up for your blog!
Hahaha….she was nice. Just a straight shooter. 🙂
Interesting answer to the woman’s question, Dan. Your “Social Confirmation” is a manifestation of your credentials and the openness of individuals to your wisdom.
You probably didn’t have the time to follow this line of questioning, but you could have turned the question on her, not in an aggressive fashion, and asked “What qualifications would you expect of me to give this presentation?” From this point, if she is not merely trying to start an argument, a potentially rich dialog could ensue.
I’m curious, what was the woman’s response to your answer?
Wow! That’s brilliant. I wish I thought of that.
She said, “Great answer.” We had a short conversation. She was great.
The same question was asked of me several years ago by one of my students in front of the class. My answer was the one I gave above and promised to use, in this case his expectations, to tailor my lectures to meet those expectations while achieving what I needed to do in order to meet the expectations of the syllabus and teach the class. Indeed, it was challenging, but the class was satisfied I met their expectations at least in their evaluations at the end of the course.
Love your answer!
Thanks Bob!
I appreciate your considerate reaction: Not jumping to conclusions immediatly, but first observing. Not giving the obvious answer but searching for the underlying one.
How can we learn to behave like that?
How can we teach others to behave like that?
What opportunities do we miss if we dont react with consideration?
Thanks Peppino. You ask some great questions. I wonder if curiosity might be the answer?
Interesting Point! Curiosity is only helping if I am not convinced that I already know the answer. So humility with curiosity leads to opportunites. Agree?
Dan,
Your answer was perfect, not sure I could react with such a response when pressed!
Glad your blessed with your savey!
This is interesting – in my field, “social confirmation” would only ever be based on non-social factors, like publication lists or high-level membership of professional organisations. Perhaps the lady who asked you came from a background where having the confirmatory qualifications would be the driver for being the speaker?
Jenna, if you are inclined, you might mention your observation to him, especially, if you have responsibility for him. Sometimes, people do not even realize the impression they are giving when they make negative comments. Others do it for their own confirmation of what they think.
Nice quick reflection!! It is so easy to criticize but sometimes a little harder to give praise. I work with an individual who constantly is judging and criticizing openly. I wouldn’t say it has that large of a following. He’s good at what he does and is the go to guy for a lot of things. That’s his social confirmation that he’s good as his job. But I’m not sure people are following him from a leadership standpoint.
Jenna, if you are inclined, you might mention your observation to him, especially, if you have responsibility for him. Sometimes, people do not even realize the impression they are giving when they make negative comments. Others do it for their own confirmation of what they think.
Nice! “Social confirmation”, of course! I’ve never heard the term but indeed it exists. Brilliant! Thank you.
I like the opening question and your comment about discerning intent. Sometimes people are just asking a direct question, because they want to know, no agenda, no double meaning, but people can sometimes get so used to being suspicious or defensive or needing to prove their worth, that a straight question doesn’t get a straight answer. I like your response too, its honest. 🙂
It’s about having a platform for influence. Anybody might have one, and if you recognize that you do, it’s an amazing opportunity to take advantage of and use for good! #spreadthegoodness #maxinfluence #investinothers