How to Keep Going When Hope Turns to Disappointment
Throwing in the towel feels like relief when hope turns to disappointment.
Sometimes the voice in your head says, “It’s not worth it.”
Disappointment:
Meaningful achievement includes disappointment.
Hard-fought battles taste sweet but include frustrations, setbacks, and disenchantment.
- People disappoint. Good people leave. Bad people stay.
- Results disappoint. You pour in more than you get out.
- Circumstances disappoint. You expected advantage but received discomfort.
- You disappoint. Failure isn’t intentional, but it happens. The cruelest disappointment is disappointment with yourself.
Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
How to Keep Going When Hope Turns to Disappointment:
Reflection:
Successful leaders reflect on disagreeable realities. Buried disappointments swell like boils until they can’t be ignored.
Nothing improves through neglect.
You repeat what you ignore.
7 questions for reflection:
Nagging disappointment shouts, “It’s not working.”
- What are you doing that doesn’t serve you/others well? Remember that obvious answers aren’t the answer.
- What do you want to stop doing? Disappointment is motivation to stop doing things that aren’t working. There comes a point when stopping something feels like relief.
- What do you want others to stop doing?
- What personal values need fuller expression? Darkness and lethargy move in when you move away from personal values.
- What unmet expectations might you have for others? For yourself?
- How accurate is the accusing voice in your head? Inaccurate?
- Hold your disappointment in your mind. Now ask yourself four questions.
- What are you doing that makes you proud?
- What are you doing that makes you disappointed in yourself?
- What are you doing that drains you?
- What are you doing that energizes you?
Tip: Record your disappointments on paper. Read them everyday for a few days. What do you notice?
How might leaders keep going when hope turns to disappointment?
Hi Dan,
Love the focus on this, because it reminds us to consider that, while the results we are looking for in the moment are important, there are ideas and values that can transcend outcomes, and that we can win at all the time.
I love to challenge my clients to create an overarching personal mission statement that is one to three lines long. These are things that they can win at daily, regardless of material outcomes. As an example, mine, always under revision, are as follows:
>I will uplift others, and myself (if I can’t have fun at what I am doing, what am I doing it for?).
>I will assist other in their personal and professional progress over time (not if they want to rob a bank, but if they what they want contributes to the wellbeing and happiness of themselves and others over time, I am all in).
>I will invite others to consider new perspectives, and seek out new perspectives for myself.
I can win at these things every day, no matter what else is going on, and by infusing what I do with these overarching aspirations, I keep myself at a level that is more effective for problem-solving, creativity, and relationship management. 🙂
Best to you, Dan!
Mark
Thank you! I’ve been struggling with disappointment in myself and others the last few days and will use this to help me examine where I’m at.
Thanks Susan. Disappointment can be a bitter pill. I probably should have added some ideas about connecting with others too.
Best wishes!
Leaders need a clear picture of what the desired future state (their vision or goal) looks like and feel like. Effective pictures have the right amount of detail and connect us at both the rational and emotional levels. And, they allow opportunities for people to see themselves in the picture.
Post your the picture on your office wall. When disappointments hit—focus on the picture to reignite your enthusiasm and passion.
Thanks Paul. Great suggestion. There is a sense of pull when I think about a picture of the future. I think pull is better than push.
The other thing you help with is the problem of forgetting what we really want. Over and over, I see people working very hard, but when you ask them what they want, they have trouble describing it.
Great reflection questions, Dan! Thank you for sharing this!
Those 4 questions on #7 are really telling. Nice to be reminded we are in control of some of this!
Leaders, find ways to look past the disapointment (knowing that it exists) you learn to prepare for these setbacks and move forward with “Grit and determination” knowing that everything is not perfect! Somethings take more time than others looking from a ” bitter sweet” perspective. You will learn to roll with the punches, as life’s lessons teach us so often!
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life” (Pro 13:12 ESV). Such is life in a fallen world. Thanks for helping me navigate some of the flotsam & jetsam of this life.
With disappointment comes opportunity. When you are on a dance floor you only see the person in front of you and to the side of you. By moving from the dance floor up onto the balcony you see things from a different perspective. You gain an overview of the entire dance floor. You might be disappointed in yourself and the person you are dancing with, but what you see looking down on the dance floor are those who are in sync and the wallflowers. It’s the same in business. Look at things from a different perspective. Don’t be disappointed with a single result, single event or a single person (including yourself). Focus on what is working well, where the gaps are and where the opportunities lie.
“Ignorance repeats,”
What a great and multi-layered mantra!
( … wonder if it rinses first … 🙂