Three Ways to Lead a Pack of Complainers
Success always encounters complainers. But some people complain like it’s an Olympic sport.
#1. Practice optimistic transparency:
Don’t sweep complaints under the carpet. Expose them to the light.
Reject anonymous complaining.
Never represent an anonymous complainer.
Fear of making matters worse motivates some leaders to deal with issues quietly. But you should assume that recurring complaints are already known by others.
Secrets empower and embolden negativity.
Optimistic transparency is openly pressing toward noble goals, rather than pretending problems don’t exist.
Keep positive intention in mind when dealing with complaints.
- Do you want people to be happy? Tell them.
- Are you committed to organizational mission? Say so.
- Will you move forward in the face of imperfection? Declare yourself.
#2. Acknowledge emotion:
Listen to concerns. Acknowledge anxiety.
Sometimes all people want is to feel heard. The best way to make people feel heard is to acknowledge emotion. I remember reading that court cases are often appealed, not because of the verdict, but because someone didn’t feel heard.
- “I see that you’re troubled by this. I want you to be happy at work.”
- “Obviously, this is troubling you. What’s important about solving this for you?”
- “I think we both want what’s best for our organization. What happens for you if we can’t solve this concern?”
Leaders encourage complaining when they stifle concerns and ignore anxieties.
In order for people to trust you, they must believe you understand and care.
#3. Turn to solutions:
Ask complainers two power questions.
- “Can we fix this?” If the answer is, “No,” then why are we talking about it?
- “What are you willing to do about this?” Wait for an answer.
You can’t complain and find solutions at the same time. (Well, most of us can’t.)
Words are rudders. The things you talk about determine organizational direction.
Tip: Spend more time with solvers than complainers.
How would you lead a bunch of complainers? (Assuming you can’t escape them.)
Love that line – “some people complain like it’s an Olympic sport”. How true. When you don’t acknowledge complaining and allow it to fester, it can grow into something much bigger and that much more difficult to repair.
Thanks Beth. Ignored complainers seldom go away.
We have a phrase we use when training our new front-line supervisors that seems to go hand in hand with these concepts: “Problems, unlike fine wines, don’t get better with age.”
I find it sometimes helpful to ask “is this an observation or a compliant?”. Over time, this gently changes their mindset to speak more objectively, which encourages improvement and innovation over negativity and victimhood.
Thanks Michael. Brilliant. I respect your tact.
Nice approach Michael. The same likely applies to third person complaints, which I characterise as a complaint based on a rumour. Your question would cut through the complaint and challenge the person to reflect whether they have actually observed it at all.
One advantage of working in emergency services is we always have those core values and principles to draw from. One of the first things a new fire fighter learns is to never say no to an assignment or complain about something without including a solution or a valid suggestion. By enforcing these guidelines it can be hard to snivel or complain. After listening to an employee I ask “what is your suggestion to correct this”. If they don’t have a valid comment they know they are in trouble. My response at the point is usually in the line of “so you are just here to complain? When did that become ok?” I love you comment “words are the rudder”
Thanks Walt. Love the culture, transparency, and candor. I think it would take intentional work for some organizations to get to that level. But it’s worth the effort.
I find that a little kindness in the voice seems to make candor more palatable. I wonder if being in a para-military style organization makes a kind tone a liability?
Your post on Kindness addressed that issue very well. It has became a bases of how myself and others on my team interact with each other. I find those who see kindness as a weakness are just looking for a way to bring the leader down to the level they feel themselves at. The solution is to find a way to bring them up.
great culture Walt. Nice work
I often come across the complainer(s) that gather strength in a room of similar personalities. A complaint, supported by other complainers, gathering momentum and side-tracking meetings. To date I’ve shown empathy, listened, asked questions about why they believe that’s the case, where did they observe it, etc.
To some extent it is true that people want to be heard – and if the complainer deeply cares they will also want to know some action will occur. Listen, understand, seek input on how to solve – then do your own analysis, determine a path forward – then report back on the action taken, and hopefully the result achieved. This closes the loop and reinforces improvement.
Sadly sometimes complaints are a symptom of other behavioural issues where the complainer is really just wanting to show they are smart at the expense of others. The classic use of hindsight to point out failings of another in a meeting dynamic. Usually these same people shy aware from planning, or taking initiative themselves in fear of making a mistake – preferring others to do something so it can be criticised.
Moral of the story – not all complaints are genuinely about improving the situation, sometimes they are veiled personal attacks or indications of behavioural issues
Thanks Rob. I’m so glad you added your experience and insight to the conversation.
Some people are just negative. It doesn’t matter what you do. Frankly, it’s best to remove them, if you can. Strong action against a habitual complainer sends a message to the clan of little complainers that follow them.
Back-stabber-complainers are in a special category. I’m not convinced that going public with them is helpful because they are often skilled at twisting and manipulating. I am convinced that going public with everyone’s results is imperative in these cases. Backstabbers may use politics to protect themselves when they aren’t delivering results.
Great read Dan! I love turning the negativity into forward motion, a trap we can easily fall into if we are not mindful.
Thanks Eric. It’s funny that circling the black hole can make us feel we are getting something done when were doing nothing.
Dan,
Fabulous insights today! “Walt”, “Michael” have some fantastic ways to work with this topic, if we respond what’s the solution? Perhaps we can bring them down to us! (how simple) Great positive process! Perhaps if they fix their own issues everyone else can do what they are supposed to do! Granted some people live to complain and others live to fix the complaints as a challenge, overtime may tend to get old,”suck it up Buttercup”! 🙂
Sometimes there actually are things you can’t fix, but you can’t ignore either. It’s the business equivalent of a chronic illness that needs to be actively managed to ensure it doesn’t become terminal. Like a chronic illness, it might be painful, disheartening and difficult for those involved and complaining acts as the pressure valve.
If you’re in a room, and everyone except you is complaining about the same thing, I think you have to ask yourself if your positive outlook matches the evidence of the situation…
Good point “Mitch”!