How to See Opportunity Everywhere You Go
The way you show up impacts what you see.
Leaders who show up to fix things see problems and inadequacies. Leaders who show up to celebrate progress see strengths and opportunities.
The world stinks:
When the whole world stinks, the stench is about you, not the world. It’s like a man with a mustache after eating corn on the cob.
The butter on the corn collects in the man’s mustache. If he doesn’t wash his mustache after eating, his mustache starts to stink.
Everywhere he goes, the world stinks.
What you bring into a situation impacts what you notice.
The difference between stink and sweet is what you bring with you.
The difference between stink and sweet is compassion.
Detachment:
Detachment is the opposite of compassion.
Detachment defines problems as inconvenient frustrations.
Detachment says:
- What’s wrong with THEM?
- How did THEY screw up?
- What did THEY do?
- What did YOU screw up this time?
- I can’t fix everything. (The excuse for standing aloof.)
Show up with compassion:
Compassionate leaders see problems as opportunities.
92% of leaders believe compassion is important or extremely important. (The Mind of the Leader by Hougaard and Carter)
Compassion maintains positive intention in the face of negative circumstances.
Compassion transforms problems into opportunities.
Compassion asks:
- How might we make this better?
- What problem might we solve?
- What do I have to offer?
- What do others need?
Compassion pursues the best interest of others.
How you show up determines where you end up.
What does compassionate leadership look like?
What concerns you about compassion?
What concerns me about compassion?
Too much compassion is as bad as too little compassion.
Compassionate leaders diagnose the extenuating circumstances and determine the appropriate next steps. Certainly there are times for understanding and making exceptions.
On the other hand, overly compassionate leaders never hold people accountable for results or meeting deadlines.
Thanks Paul. I wonder if too much compassion isn’t really compassion at all.
Dan, what do you think “too much compassion” is then?
I try to have compassion and understanding for my students. There are extenuating circumstances as to why a student didn’t get an assignment or exam done on time. (sick kids, death in the family, car broke down etc.) But a few students–week after week, have reasons for all their missed assignments.
I consider the patterns of behavior. At some point, I need to hold people accountable. The best leaders know when compassion is appropriate and when holding people accountable is more important. I think there is a fine line between too much compassion and too little compassion.
Agree with your question Dan…i.e. is too much compassion not really compassion? I work with post-secondary students in an academic advising capacity and find that there is a fine balance between being compassionate and empathetic yet still holding students accountable and on the other side.. feeling sorry for them and enabling them to continue to act in a non-accountable way…that to me is not compassion. Leading with compassion to me means demonstrating empathy, allowing people to feel how they feel and acknowledging their feelings, listening actively to them and holding them accountable…easier said than done of course 😉
Thanks Paul. It’s useful to read your experience and think what it might in other circumstances.
Patterns seem to be an important factor. In some cases, perhaps compassion promotes lack of responsibility. In that case, the compassionate thing is not accepting “reasons”.
I have to differ with you here Dan:
“The difference between stink and sweet is what you bring with you.”
Some jobs just stink. When you spend your time with your arm down a (literal or metaphorical) unflushed toilet, it stinks. A noseplug stops you noticing, but doesn’t make it smell nice.
Your attitude determines whether your life stinks or not. Even if you have your arm down a toilet. Let’s face it, two people can go through the same circumstance, one comes out bitter the other is angry and bitter.
Compassion is an under appreciated value. As Paul B. above alludes to compassion can be viewed as weakness in a leader. I was once referred to as a pushover, because I listened and I guess determined other opinions or ideas was suitable and said “sure”. I have learned a new phrase that rings so clear to me in this moment and in the context of compassion…It Depends. Every individual is different which leads to every situation is different. I am not suggesting a free for all, just that compassion can look so different when you attempt to compare so you should not.
A lack of compassion is a weakness. I see it demonstrated as a lack of confidence in a leaders own ability or self image. It is insecurity, a need to be a strong/hold you accountable/driver always, in spite of any circumstances that play into a situation or decision. I see some that must have a subconscious quota that must be met…as the leader I need to drive ‘x’ times at least.
Leaders often lean on that need to drive or have the last word or look strong. That in my mind is weakness. That in my mind has a direct line to a need for power. Ugh!
Thanks Dan as always!
Thanks Will. I can see that you’ve thought about this. I appreciate you sharing your insights.
I find it takes courage to show compassion. Sometimes the easy thing to do is detach and treat people like objects.
Just remember that compassion is seeking what’s best for others/organizations, not what is easiest in the short-term.
I, too, am interested in Dan’s thoughts about when compassion evolves into enabling. Knowing there can be no bright line or test that works for every situation, when is it appropriate for a leader to say, we have moved from understanding, mentoring and opportunities to reviews, accountability and possible termination? In my mind, the key is determining where that line is and how to compassionately inform an employee that the worm has turned.
Thanks Cladav. I wonder if compassion is also about the WAY things are done, not so much what is done. Holding people accountable is a good thing. We all want to be accountable. Anything less is degrading.
Can someone be terminated with compassion. I hope so. The alternative seems cruel.
So Dan, entering my 38th year as a Professional now and the last 20 or so years I’ve come to the conclusion that their are no problems, only challenges. I’ve turned the dynamic around, I don’t solve problems I solve (or attempt to solve) challenges which are in realities opportunities. A problem is a negative connotation a challenge is positive. Additionally what I have come to realize is I need to continue to find ways to say, “yes to opportunity”. In 1981 I said yes to opportunity went to Taiwan to start up a Steel Mill came back with a wife who I remain married to. In both 94 and 95 my wife and I said yes to opportunity and we adopted out of China first a daughter and then a son. In 2001 I said yes to opportunity and moved from NY to Los Angeles changing career direction from Nuclear Power to Wind/Solar and I have never looked back. I’ve sought to teach my now adult children to learn to say Yes to opportunity and to face the challenges presented. I and they will not always succeed but we will all continue to become stronger by the opportunities (and the people we meet) presented to us. Keep up the good daily presentations always something I read first as I check emails and eat my bk.
Hi Dan – such an interesting topic today. I see compassion in a different way. Frequently when I am debriefing an EI assessment and get to compassion the client is dismayed at her seeming lack of compassion. Comments such as “but I always try to help people’ comes up. When we offer to fix, I don’t believe we are being compassionate towards another, we are really focused on our own needs – when we help another we feel good. For me, real compassion is about just being there for another in any way they need as per their request. They may just want someone to just sit with them – not drag them out to party – just sit quietly with them not even speaking. Someone I know had a spouse in hospital with a serious illness and 2 small kids at home. A friend emailed asking what she could do (sounds like compassion). My friend said a playdate at the other’s home for her kids (kids were all friends) would be really helpful the next afternoon. The friend emailed back she would drop off a casserole – not compassionate – just meeting her own needs. I think we often confuse being compassionate towards another with meeting our own needs. If one wants to help another by fixing something, fine if the other person agrees – I just don’t see fixing/problem solving as being compassionate unless specifically requested. This is what concerns me about compassion.
Perhaps Dan detachment and compassion can be summed up like this. Detachment equals blame. Compassion equals taking shared responsibility. Detachment says… “How did they screw up?” Compassion says…. “What went wrong? How can we improve this?” Compassion is not a sign of weakness – it’s a sign of strength. Give me a compassionate leader over a detached one any day.
Dan,
I see being compassionate is having sympathy when needed, so each persons feelings will dictate the situation, I like “Strategez 4” viewpoints on her analogy. “Detachment” or isolation can really drag one done, “step up” and face the challenge head on!
I live by this everyday and it has never failed me. My failures are opportunities to learn and adapt. You are the only one in your life that is the common denominator. Stop blaming others and start believing in yourself.
I do agree with you for the most part on “The difference between stink and sweet is what you bring with you.” Personally, I always go into new jobs, positions, attitudes with co-workers, and new employees with the same compassion, dedication, high morale, and happiness that I can possibly have. I do not believe however that this is always the case. I have experienced a couple times while being under ‘toxic’ leadership, that regardless of what I can do, say, impact, etc. That I still end up bringing the ‘stink’ at one point.
Now, this is where I have done everything possible with myself and my team to alleviate situations but due to positions, cannot get it to resolve. Which in return effects everyday matters at work. Which brings a what used to be sweet smell into a bitter smell, then when continued for any longer, a stink.
We can only do so much depending on who we are and where we fall in when it comes to organizations. I never stay in a ‘stink’ for long, because at the end of the day, things will eventually change one way or another, just I start focusing mainly on that to keep the sweet-smelling sweet.
Compassion shows so much in a leader as long as it is used professionally and not overdone. Compassion shows an ability for one person to have the emotional stability and maturity to handle situations without being a robot. To build relationships that help improve the work culture and environment. To be able to respond appropriately when a compassionate response is needed. Compassion can show that you are not better than others, that you can be related to, and that you are human. But like I said, it just cannot be used unprofessionally or too much. That can cause workplace issues, uncomfortable work environments, favoritism or the perception of, etc.
As always Dan, I appreciate you taking the time to write. Thank you and have a great day.
Sometimes when to much compassion is given it becomes about our needs/lack/void to be fulfilled rather the person receiving it.
Compassion to me looks like considering the thoughts and feelings of others when you take action. This does *not* mean that you never take action that may negatively affect people.
What concerns me about compassion is that it can lead to inaction. Letting people off the hook, or failing to hold them accountable can lead to many more people being negatively impacted than the ones you were trying to safeguard in the first place.
Paul B. Thornton mentioned above about noticing the pattern. This is vitally important – compassion is about giving someone a second chance. But when the second chance becomes a third and fourth chance, you are sliding into inaction, where a small issue is starting to become a larger one!
Great questions again Dan.