How to Stop Stealing Influence and Limiting Your Opportunities
Immaturity shows up thinking about itself.
Maturity shows up thinking about others.
In my immature twenties, I used language in a presentation that offended some and got me in hot water. When it hit the fan, all I thought about was my own pain. I didn’t think about how my behavior damaged our organization and harmed our leadership.
Immature cp. mature:
Two-year-olds focus exclusively on themselves. It’s all about them.
Mature leaders obsess about people.
Mature leaders respect the power and impact of their words and behaviors on others.
Immature leaders feel indignant when their behaviors are called out, as if you offended them.
You’ll never be a leader until you get out of yourself and care for others. (I use ‘maturity’ and ‘caring for others’ interchangeably.)
You might exercise control, pressure people, and boss, but you can’t lead until you care about something more than yourself.
Compare immature and mature:
- I’m stressed out compared to I’m stressing others out.
- This harms me compared to this injures my boss’s reputation.
- I’m hurt compared to I damaged my organization.
Illustration: leadership collateral
Mature leaders earn respect that immature team members squander. When you act irresponsibly, you steal a bit of your leader’s status. Status is one measure of our ability to influence.
Suppose you dropped the ball?
Immature team members think about personal consequences. Mature leaders think about the impact of their unreliability on others.
In other words, when you act irresponsibly you steal a bit of your leader’s ability to lead effectively.
From “I” to “we” – 3 questions:
- How is my presence impacting colleagues?
- How is my behavior reflecting on my boss?
- How does my performance impact customers?
Growing leaders learn to take the perspective of others and consider the impact of their words and behaviors.
What are the signs of immature leadership?
What are the signs of mature leadership?
Nice reminder, thanks Dan. I liked this line the best. “Suppose you dropped the ball?
Immature team members think about personal consequences. Mature leaders think about the impact of their unreliability on others.”
Instead of thinking, “will I get in trouble,” think about “how am I letting the team down.”
Thanks Patrick. I think leaders would love to be surrounded by people who consider the impact of their behaviors on others!
Thanks Dan! I really like this comparison “Immaturity shows up thinking about itself.
Maturity shows up thinking about others”.
Please note, not in every situation you have to be the leader and show leadership. You can also be the learner. Sometimes we find ourselves in these dark dungeons of patterns, fears and emotions and it is not always easy to get out of it. Using mechanisms like the above helps one to step out of the emotion into the reality. But the reality can be a very harsh one.
Let’s have some empathy first.
Dan,
Finding our way beyond ourselves is the Leader we can be, remembering its not about the leader is golden. We have to develop a mindset as we mature that why we are here? How can we make things better for all? What do we need to do for the best results? Remembering we are here to serve is mission critical.
Trying to correct an immature leader is like trying to remove a thorn from a lions paw.
Mature leaders think before they act, immature leaders act first. I don’t know if they think later.
Mature leaders are proactive immature leaders are reactive.
This is so good! Hit the nail on the head for me of some situations that have happened in the past few weeks. Thank you Dan!
Just because someone stumbled doesn’t mean he’s lost forever, they usually say. So next time before you judge someone based on their past failures just to look more cleaner, first check if that individual you’re judging aren’t or haven’t actually learned from their past failures/ mistakes.
Great article as always Dan.