10 Practices of Humility for Egotistical Leaders
Ego knowingly whispers, “You are the center of the universe.”
6 Symptoms of egotistical leadership:
#1. Ego thinks “I” and “me”. Self-importance struggles to see life through the lens of others.
Ego asks, “How does this impact me?” Humility says, “How does this impact our team?”
#2. Ego can’t be wrong. Rather than explore ideas, egotistical leaders defend their own agenda.
The need to be right tends to make you wrong.
#3. Ego dismisses criticism and correction.
- “You don’t understand.”
- “You don’t see the big picture.”
- “You don’t appreciate the pressure I’m under.”
Ego takes offense. Humility explores correction.
#4. Ego seldom says, “Thank you.” Arrogance gives itself too much credit and gives others too little recognition.
Ego celebrates self. Humility honors others.
#5. Ego points the blame-finger when bad news lands on its desk.
When things go right, ego says, “I”. When things go wrong, ego says, “You”.
#6. Ego listens with a personal agenda. The ego-lens:
- What’s in it for me?
- How does this make me look?
- How can I use this for my advantage?
- Who can I blame?
Ego can’t truly listen.
10 practices of humility:
- Think, “You”. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes.
- Explore dis-confirming feedback.
- Write a thank you note to someone who contributed to your success.
- Recall someone who gave you a second chance.
- List three positive qualities of each team member in the meeting.
- Walk around looking for things to celebrate.
- Relax and ask questions when others talk.
- Monitor your use of “I” and “me”. Shift to “we” when appropriate.
- Say to yourself, “What if they’re right?”
- Focus on strengthening relationships, not just results.
Think of humility as a practice.
Tip: Resist the urge to think of others when reading this post.
Bonus 3:55 video: The World’s Top Leaders Practice Selfless Leadership
What does ego look like to you?
Which of the 10 practices of humility might you implement today?
Powerful post Dan, so rich. I will need a bright flashlight to shine around inside of myself, ego has a strong/deep voice some days. Picked two items from the humility list to implement today. Appreciate your words deeply
Thanks Scott. It’s pretty easy to write about this topic.
# 7 EGO attacks those who lead with humility. EGO fears what it lacks, therefore, EGO attacks what it struggles not to be.
Thanks Michael. You have a way with words.
It might seem like ego has confidence. But fear seems to drive ego. Powerful.
More meat for the Servant / Selfless Leadership themes I have been working to frame. It is simply a question of where to start.
And I continue to be amazed of that research that showed 34% of American workers willing to forgo a raise to have their boss fired.
It is simply so sad out there that there are so many “leaders” operating as terrorists.
Thanks Dr. Scott. Wouldn’t it be great if we got serious about the cost of poor management?
Scott,
Let not forget–there are no perfect managers/leaders, just as there are no perfect employees.
There might also be a high percentage of managers who would forego a raise if they could get an employee transferred or fired.
The thing I appreciate most about your posts is the language you put in it. What I mean by that is often I understand the intent of your posts, and you give me the language to put your posts into immediate action. Thanks.
Thanks Patrick. I appreciate your kind words. Frankly, I hate reading something that lacks practical application. 🙂 Cheers
I agree with you (and Dan) wholeheartedly here … Dan’s ethic of utility is immediate, either in terms of introspective and situational considerations or in terms of direct application to current “relationships.”
Often inspiring (breathing it in) and exciting (acting outwardly). Passion & curiosity to learn about dynamics is paramount – both as a listener and as an actor in the arena.
Dan
For many of us we need to fail at something first before our ego gets in check. It can be something personal or professional that you really wanted. It is best if this occurs early in life as I have known many people who are still their own worst enemy late in their career.
Brad
It’s these introspective posts, Dan, that are so meaningful and become part of us. I still recall years ago a quote in one of your posts: “Humility does not mean we think less of ourselves: It means we think of ourselves less.” Thanks, Dan.
Great post! There is a difference between ego and confidence. An effective leader must have confidence. Followers want a leader with confidence. I like #10 because you can’t do anything without other people. Establishing, maintaining, and building relationships with those you work with is essential for success.
Dan,
We need to delete the “I” and “you” and become “we” as one. When we align as “we” the baseline becomes broader to encircle the entire group, pushing out the “ego” sending a message for everyone.
2. Ego can’t be wrong.
When the “S” hits the fan, don’t point the finger of blame at others. Ask yourself–What could I have done differently to prevent this from happening?
Two things, criticism with no merit and praise (for myself).. When I see it in others, I see it as a weakness and have never experienced anything good come from them. A good rule of thumb for a team leader, The Clint Eastwood movie, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. Go with the good, don’t do the bad and leave the ugly outside the meeting. Everybody can see Ugly before Ugly can finish the presentation… The ego with I,I,I and me,me,me is just plain ugly!!!
thank you
Ego are those who put you down Infront of others to make themselves look good.
Just keep saying “It’s not about you” – a Wayne Dyer slogan
I just decided to make Humility my Focus on April. Started by listing the three positive qualities. Suddently I am thankful about the wonderful people I have in my life – eye opening experience!
Great Post! There is definitely a difference between ego and confidence, but it can be a blurry line to find. People want a confident and effective leader that they feel inspired by and that they can trust. At the same time, we want a humble leader that will learn act in our best interest and learn from feedback. These two words seem total opposites, but both necessary.
Like all meaningful changes in life, becoming confident in yourself and your abilities while staying humble is a work in progress.
Being thankful for the beauty in everything, from the grains of sand to the entire ocean, helps us to stay grounded. Focusing on becoming a humble person and leader means shifting thoughts to being curious and asking questions with the intention to learn more and better understand. Ultimately by doing so we are able to form deeper connections with those around us. This shift in mindset cultivates confidence in each other and our abilities. Having confidence rooted in humility is strengthened through engagement with others and active self-reflection. As for what I think the ego looks like, I think it looks like confidence in skills lacking humility.