The #1 Cure for Fault-Finding Leaders
Fault-finders reject people.
Acceptance is the #1 cure for fault-finders.
Don’t expect great performance from people who feel rejected by you.
Successful leaders accept people.
Critics believe there’s something wrong with others.
The truth about talent:
We all have a narrow band of exceptional talent, a wide band of average skill, and an even wider band of incompetence. In other words, we all suck at lots of things.
Fault-finders reject the reality that everyone is frail, including themselves.
Illustration:
High energy critics reject slow and steady team members. An introverted critic judges extroverts through the lens of introversion. Fault-finders who are talented planners belittle disorganized people.
I’m going to say it again. People ARE frail.
Fault-finders are filled with ‘shoulds’ for others. A high energy critic might say, “Mrs. Slow-and-Steady SHOULD be more energetic.”
How to accept people:
- Stop expecting people to be like you.
- See value in diversity.
- Focus on what others do well.
We all have frailties that provide opportunity for fault-finders. Criticism is a matter of focus.
Example:
This morning I sat across the table from two people. One is driven by results. I’ll call him Mr. Results. The other is more about relationships. I’ll call him Mr. Relationship.
Mr. Results won’t come up with as many creative ideas as Mr. Relationship. I could criticize Mr. Results for not coming up with more ideas. On the other hand, I could criticize Mr. Relationship for not being more concerned with results.
An alternative:
The alternative to fault-finding is to accept people and honor their strengths. Mr. Results and Mr. Relationship are wildly different from each other. The value is in the difference.
How might leaders accept people?
What are the limits of accepting people?
Hi Dan,
This is great! We have high energies and slow and steadies and in betweens. I had a leader tell me that my role should be to tell people their weakness. I thought it’s like telling a toaster to be a better refrigerator and said so. Anyway your advice will help me resist some of the less helpful cultural norms in our office. Especially your solid gold about people who feel rejected not giving you their best. Thanks for all you do for us
Thanks Cate. Toasters or refrigerators!! Great illustration.
Your comment reminds me of Drucker who explained that we cannot perform out of weakness.
Accepting others is an on- going battle in the mind. The truth is if we don’t accept others we will suffer the consequences of fighting against reality. It is like swimming against the tide. We can only change what is within our power, and that is ourselves. Accepting others means changing our belief systems first form erroneous assumptions then I believe acceptance becomes limitless and effortless.
Yes Gerry! It’s so frustrating to expect others to be something they aren’t and perform in ways that don’t work for them. I’ve wasted lots of energy and frustrated lots of people by expecting them to be something they aren’t.
It’s SO MUCH BETTER to figure out what people do well and help them do that better.
Wow, this post is brilliant and powerful. You said so much with so few words. I especially love this: “We all have frailties that provide opportunity for fault-finders. Criticism is a matter of focus.”
I’m a former therapist and I learned early on, “The minute I judge someone is when my ability to help them ends.” There are times when feedback that’s hard to hear is necessary (that’s true even in therapy), which makes your insights even more important and wise. Respecting others and focusing on their strengths increases the odds that when we need to give feedback for improvement, it’s more likely to be taken well.
Wow Alan. “The minute I judge someone is when my ability to help them ends.” That sentence packs a punch. It’s a wake-up call.
Feeling judged is feeling rejected. Our ability to influence hangs on our ability to connect authentically. Accepting people seems central.
In my experience, i did and do face people who are slow and steady, very slow in taking decisions and poor in prioritizing the tasks, also smart executioners. Most of the time, I try to coach them, sometimes had to spend more than hour to understand their problems. 50% of them have improved and towards the direction that organization is requesting. But there are some who chose their working field because somebody said to them. So finally in the coaching session, we will observe that they are not much interested in the work they do. They just do for salary they get. So final option for me was to request them to find a field that they are strong in. End of the day for every organization a leader job is to extract output to an optimal level so there is revenue. And i have to abide to their business goals.
Thanks Dondi. I’m glad you joined in.
Accepting people should never be the reason we stop working to grow and improve.
I’ll add that there are many roles where slow and steady is important and necessary. Some high energy people aren’t good with details. Don’t expect a high energy person who isn’t good with details to be an accountant.
I was just thinking of my wife. She takes longer to make decisions than I do. She owned an accounting business and served her clients well. I would NEVER succeed doing what she does so well.
I’ve come to respect her caution. When we make important decisions I relax and listen to her. Could I slow down my decision-making and pay more attention to detail? A LITTLE. Could she speed up her decision-making? Maybe a little. Why bother? See the strength in diversity and find roles that fit your strengths.
Having said all that. Congratulations on helping people improve. I’m all about improvement. 🙂
This post comes at a great time for me. I’m nearly 2 years into a leadership role in a new organization with an inherited team, coming from a leadership role at another organization where I had the luxury of building and refining my team. I have been frustrated with my current team lately and have been considering how to express my frustration.
The ideas presented here helped me remember something that I have obviously lost sight of – I need to work with them to build on the strengths that they have. Maximize their exceptional talents, help them grow their middling talents, and minimize the impact of their weaknesses. My frustrations are the results of my failures, not theirs.
1.Stop expecting people to be like you.
2.See value in diversity.
3.Focus on what others do well.
These should be Golden Rules for teams. It is only in the last five years I fully started understanding these rules. Abiding by these rules has made me less critical and more productive.