How Responding to Compliments Changes People
Overreacting to a compliment is self-absorbed arrogance.
Some people gush and say, “Oh it’s nothing,” while explaining at the same time how amazing they are. Then there are the verbose self-deprecating denials at the other end of the spectrum.
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A compliment:
Jon Acuff taught me how to respond with humility to a compliment. Before I tell you what happened, you should know that Jon is a #1 New York Times Best Selling Author six times over.
We chatted on Facebook Live on April 23, 2018. I was ready to end the conversation when I decided to let Jon know how much I admired his writing. There’s a reason he’s a best selling author.
I told Jon that I admired how he crafted sentences and paragraphs. His ability to end a paragraph in ways that pull the reader forward is incredible. His response to my compliment had two scenes.
A response:
First, he said thank you. His body language let me know he appreciated the compliment.
He didn’t explain how to craft sentences. He didn’t explain his strategy for paragraph construction. What he did next was masterful.
Second, Jon turned the conversation to me. He told me something about me that he found encouraging. He made me feel awesome. In the process, something profound happened.
I learned something about myself that I hadn’t seen. I learned that experimenting has changed my life. I suppose I should have known, but I didn’t. There are contributing factors, but…
Experimenting is the only thing that changes our leadership.
An experiment is trying something you haven’t done. The process is simple, even if it is scary sometimes. You try, learn, and try again. That simple three step process changes us.
Everyday we choose to repeat or experiment. Repetition solidifies. Experimentation changes us.
What are some good and bad ways to respond to compliments?
How has experimenting changed your life?
Read: Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done, by Jon Acuff
Visit Jon’s website: Acuff.me
The last 3:30 minutes of my conversation with Jon Acuff.
Then entire conversation is here (16:23).
A bad way to respond to complements is by brushing it off. Thinking that brushing a complement is a sign of humility.
Thanks Gerry. I couldn’t agree more. It’s false humility.
It has routinely been enjoyable reading your blog, Dan. It has been a greater opportunity to get an even more in-depth idea of you through your video interviews. Seeing your body language and facial expressions communicates or amplifies even more about you than just the text on a screen. Thanks for letting us get to know you more.
Wow! Thanks Alan. I truly appreciate your kind words and feedback. 🙂
Dan – Consider replacing “but” with “and” in your astute posts. Positivity replaces negativity. Regards, Sandy Berry ________________________________
Thanks for the suggestion, Sandy.
Hi Dan, your words never fail to make me think! I’ve always tried, and advised others, to assume any compliment is genuine, smile, and just say thank you. You have now made me think this is only half of a good response, and maybe just a little bit selfish. I guess I now need to think about an intentional way to complete the transaction by including the “complimenter” in my response… John
Hey Alan. Jon’s response to a sincere compliment took me to school. Say thank you for the compliment – then notice something you admire about the other person. Love it.
Ok this is awesome! I always struggle with accepting complements (I’m that awkward person that just says thankyou and smiles and that’s it). This post is really great because the written part shared with us how it made you as the initiator of the complement feel and then I watched the video so I could see it in action for solidifying it. That is such a great combination! As always thanks for giving me something else to experiment with ☺
Thanks Bethany. I love how we can get out of ourselves after receiving a compliment. There were times in my life that I got braggy. Other times there was false humility. The idea that we can engage in a useful conversation is powerful. Best wishes.
I tend to be self deprecating anytime I get a compliment not realizing how that comes across. Learning how to gracefully accept a compliment does not come naturally however giving them does. I wonder where we learn that?
Thanks Nora. I think our awkwardness often comes out as self-deprecation. Maybe it would be healthy to actually believe we have something to offer. 🙂
Fantastic, point of view. You use the word “experimenting” I see opportunity within ourselves to test the unknown waters. Through our journeys you can play it safe and perhaps regret it, or experiment and still regret it, no guarantees, yet the rewards for a successful experiment out weigh the “no ventured, nothing gained” option.
The information Jon shared is powerful.
Thanks Tim. Yes, Jon is a top author for a reason! I’ve heard it said that we tend to regret the things we didn’t try more than the things we did.
Have a great weekend.
I sometimes have a hard time receiving compliments but can also feel bad if something I did was not acknowledged. This is an area that I am trying to improve upon.
Thanks for your transparency, Lynne. I respect that. I know exactly what you mean. I don’t want people to make a fuss over me when I’m at their conference or business. But if they don’t I miss it. Hmmmm…. confusing isn’t it?
Simple, yet impactful!
Thank you Chris!
Dan, consider putting the material about experimentation and change in its own post, with its own title. We’re in the middle of a longing for change and a fear of experimentation right now, and this helped me see it so clearly.
Thanks Robert. I’ll do that. Best wishes
Compliments, if given, for some reason can make me either (1) blush (2) screw up my face (3) say or think “ugh! what they talking about?” Experimenting, could be read as ‘openness’, learning, expansion, exploration.