Talented People Have an Annoying Side
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” Noel Coward, English Playright
Three reasons talent becomes annoying:
#1. They’re too much of something.
People should be like Baby Bear’s porridge in Goldilocks. “Just right.”
I have low tolerance for bubbly people. But I don’t like rain-cloud people either. And don’t forget the never-good-enough types with their unique version of toxic dissatisfaction.
Talented people have an annoying side.
Tip: Remember why you hired them.
#2. The bar creeps higher.
Yesterday’s good performance is today’s average. Escalating expectations transform good team members into annoying disappointments.
- Consider their current contribution. “If things don’t change, do you want them on the team?”
- Give titles to people who are already doing the job, not as motivation. Titles should reflect who people are, not who you hope they become.
Who annoys you? Is it because they haven’t grown with your organization?
Organizations grow and the people inside them need to grow or go.
#3. Lack is annoying.
They lack passion, initiative, ownership, or skill. (Yes, it’s possible to be talented and have lack.)
Lack is opportunity.
- They lack passion. How might you ignite passion?
- You care more deeply about results than others. How might you invite team members to show up with heart?
- They don’t own it. How might you inspire ownership in others?
- They lack skill. Are they open and eager for training? How will you enhance their skills?
4 things to consider before pouring into talent:
- What values do you share? Many disappointments are collisions of values.
- What is their level of aspiration? Is it acceptable?
- How have they grown in the past? No-growth in the past often predicts no growth in the future. (Give second chances, but when no-growth-people fail to grow, send them to your competitor.)
- Have they exhibited curiosity? Integrity, aptitude, and talent are baseline qualities. After that, do they ask questions?
4 more reasons others are so annoying:
- You have a magnification problem. You magnify strengths in yourself and faults in others.
- You’re grappling with issues and problems they don’t understand or appreciate.
- They aren’t like you. Emotion, for example, governs their behavior but you get work done regardless of how you feel.
- They are like you. Carl Jung taught that others irritate us when we see ourselves in them.
Big suggestion:
Govern your attitude and behavior by who you are, not who others fail to be.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning encouraged Robert Browning to love her for no good reason, except love itself. She reasoned if love has a reason, the reason might change and love would end.
In Sonnet’s of the Portuguese #XIV
If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love’s sake only. …
……………………….. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity’s wiping my cheeks dry,—
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love’s sake, that evermore
Thou may’st love on, through love’s eternity.
Be who you are. Authentic leaders end up less annoyed with others.
What might leaders do when team members annoy them?
*I relax my 300 word limit on weekends.
What should leaders do when annoyed? Love it!
Get curious …
This post was all over the place … glad I read to a perfect big suggestion … this is work to bring home with you. Thx.
Thanks Rurbane. I have to tell you that I can think of a million reasons whey others are so irritating. But, upon reflection, most of them are about me.
My curiosity is usually about how OTHERS can improve!
Don’t you love Browning’s insight?
Love, work, passion, curiosity outside the Self – all for it’s own sake, with no greater agenda than to experience a life well and through; … yeah,
I love the worldview. Be Woke.
If we listen to our own annoyance however, I find that we hear our own inner gremlin scratching for attention – and love, of course.
Our annoyances are absolutely more about our Selves than Others. Theirs are more about them, as well … we shouldn’t take them personally … but relationships require that we explore them productively and constructively.
It pays to be curious & explore, and not to deny the gremlin within; otherwise that little trickster will do a real number on us eventually. Others can only get more and more annoying if we let it happen.
“YOU PAYS YOUR MONEY, AND YOUSE TAKES YOUR CHOICE!” Yeah, people are from all dimensions and planets and it is the skill of aligning and blending that good leaders do to get everyone aboard the ship at roughly the same time and in roughly the same direction.
Innovation will come from the edges and about half the people will always be below average. But continuous continuous improvement is always a possibility.
Having perspective on things and not trying to be too impatient are good. Everyone can contribute and everyone can improve. And one often learns more from the boundary bouncers than from the “good” employees.
Nice post, Dan. Thinking is always a good way to start a Saturday!
Thanks Dr. Scott. I must say that I still enjoy “continuous continuous improvement.” 🙂
The skill of aligning and blending needs lots of attention. How do we get people doing what they love to do AND what serves organizational interests at the same time. I can’t help but go back to values when we talk about alignment. There are many behaviors that align with values.
Maybe we talk too much about WHAT to do. Perhaps we should talk more about WHAT we believe.
cheers
Dan,
We all have improvement desires, concentration on what matters most to us is a start, we have reflected on puzzles many time in your posts, just a piece at a time, one step at a time, soon we get there.
Not all pastures are green, yet the seasons change them into the beauty they become, let the seasons of our lives brighten us too! The seasons are the years of our journeys and all the lessons we learn and share to help others along the way.
Thanks Tim. The greener pastures idea speaks to me. We do that with people. When we hire them, they are as green as can be. Then, something happens and they get brown and dry.
It makes me think about how organizations suck the life out of people.
Dan,
So true, if we let them! There comes a time and we have seen it more often, it todays world, many people are learning to walk away! Finding a life that suits them out pf the fast lane.
Start over doing something that makes them happy. Lifes a “Two lane highway” old Pure Prarie League ” song. So pick your lane that worls for you not others!
Well done Dan!
Very thought provoking!
Thanks Bill!
Great post for a Saturday! The combination of the practical with the poetry reflects the magical chemistry of Love itself and its ancient institution: the economic and emotional partnerships of marriage. Humans seem to seek that magic in all endeavors.
Hey Victoria. I love Sonnet’s of the Portuguese. Some think it’s sappy. I think it’s profound!! So glad you enjoyed.
I love Browning’s quote “to be loved for no other reason but love” this reminds me of unconditional love.
Thanks Gerry. Powerful.
A few things stood out, provoked some thought with this post:
“Give titles to people who are already doing the job, not as motivation.” If they are already doing the job, why not have the title from the start of the job, otherwise people can think they are, have been taken for granted.
“Titles should reflect who people are, not who you hope they become” – so true.
“Who annoys you? Is it because they haven’t grown with your organization?” – what about when organizations don’t grow with the people.
“Lack” – there could be a lot of this about, sadly.
“Have they exhibited curiosity? Integrity, aptitude, and talent are baseline qualities. After that, do they ask questions?” – these can not always be seen, appreciated, recognized.
What defines a person to be of the “talented people”.
So good to see your comment today. You ask great questions. I’ll take a stab at one.
Give titles to people who are already doing the job….why not have the title from the start of the job?
Good point. Don’t take a job with a promise that you will eventually get the title you deserve today.
My comment was about earning promotions after you’ve been hired, not when you start with an organization. You earn a new title – after you’ve been with an organization for awhile – by actually doing the things that go with the job, even if you don’t have the title.
Sure, some organizations might take advantage. But the point remains. Don’t expect a title if you haven’t demonstrated you can do the job.
I still like to peruse although not commenting quite so often. As for asking questions, over the years, reference has been made to this in the form of (1) I’m not afraid to ask, others were as they thought it made them look stupid, no question should be regarded as such (2) not to think, don’t think too much (3) didn’t get paid to think but it’s….just my nature, my learning mechanism (is that not why we are all given a tool, our brain 🙂 ). BTW you’re still writing great, interesting, real posts, inspiration from years? Have a great day.