7 Ways Humility Contributes to Self-Confidence
Formulas for developing confidence are only outstripped by the numbers of people who lack confidence.
- Think positive thoughts.
- Dress for success.
- Fake it till you make it.
- Smile.
- Stand with your hands on your hips like Wonder Woman.
7 Ways Humility Contributes to Self-Confidence:
#1. Humility finds courage in failure stories.
Ask successful people how they screwed up and what they did about it.
Success stories feel encouraging, but they’re intimidating when you realize how far you have to go. You might as well give up now.
Failure stories – from successful leaders – are more encouraging than success stories.
#2. Humility practices actively and wisely.
Practice increases confidence.
Don’t ask your grandmother to help you prepare for your next tough conversation or public presentation.
Practice with people who expect a lot from you and themselves.
Arrogance pretends it knows. Humility shows up to learn.
Lack of confidence might help you find your greatest contribution.
#3. Humility starts.
Don’t wait until you feel confident to start.
The only way to beat fear is to grab a stick and chase it down.
You never overcome fear by thinking about overcoming fear.
#4. Humility show up to serve.
Arrogance focuses on itself. Humility focuses on others. Self-consciousness is a symptom of arrogance.
Turn outward:
- What are you doing when you bring the most value to others and joy to yourself?
- How might you apply your best skills to new situations?
- Who needs what you have?
Asking questions, for me, is like a pair of old sneakers. Yes, I have to engage my brain and pay attention, but I’ve learned that my greatest value often comes through curiosity.
#5. Humility determines how to best show up.
#6. Humility seeks a coach.
#7. Humility considers the worst that could happen.
Humility is essential to self-confidence.
What blocks self-confidence?
What builds self-confidence?
“Arrogance pretends it knows. Humility shows up to learn”. I use to find myself making up a answer if I did not know what it was. I find its better to admit that I don’t know and commit to getting the answer. With that in mind a fail would be to find myself in the same situation and once again not knowing (forgot) that answer. Never stop learning and its ok if you find yourself having to refresh what you may not be current on. Old age and a mind that may be slowing down is just a factor to be aware of and manage just like anything else.
There was only one time/place that I used fake till you make it. Was working with a very hostile team. The first sign of weakness and they would have you for lunch. Until I got that group to start trusting each other and me I was in survival (career) mode. Ended up doing so house cleaning and teaching and then moved on. Was never more glad to get a new assignment then that one.
Humility is key … unless you’re ‘faking it to make it’. Then that’s manipulation of perception, therefore, false reality … you’re lying to yourself and others. If you are humble and have humility you don’t fake it to make it. Too many ‘fakers’ at the same time in an organization can really lower the quality of the work.
VERY nice, Dan. Lots of learnables.
Negative childhood upbringing is a huge confidence blocker.
I understand your reference to not asking “your grandmother”. However, I will say that my Grandmother would be a wise choice to prepare me for anything, from humility to self confidence and everything in between.
“Don’t ask your grandmother to help you prepare for your next tough conversation or public presentation. Practice with people who expect a lot from you and themselves.” As a grandmother who works full time, has many years of experience, presents often, has high expectations of myself and others – my children and grandchildren come to me to help them prepare and learn how to better execute tough conversations and presentations.
Dan! “Self-consciousness is symptom of arrogance?”
Most humbly, and with all due respect, but no small degree of confidence I say, NO, it is NOT.
You’ve made a compelling sketch of the relation between humility and confidence, but I suggest that on this one point you have an essential point inverted (upside down, inside out).
It’s the other way around … arrogance is an unhealthy self-important-consciousness …
and, further, they are not emotionally or logically equivalent :
Arrogance/dominance is one extreme (symptom) of excessive self-consciousness …
Silence/disengagement being the other extreme of excessive self-consciousness
on the humility-confidence spectrum.
Cyclical self-consciousness is both essential and necessary to being “Woke” – seeing our Self (and related Selves) in proportionate perspective (to reality). This is the precondition to / foundation of authentic “confidence.”
Without self-consciousness, (authentic) humility is not possible (nor is authentic confidence, for that matter). You actually make that case here very well when you link
(authentic, existential) FEAR
to (authentic, credible) ACTION
(using the discipline of iterations [#2 “practice”] and the affirmation of origins [#3 & 5 “start” somewhere … with #4 “what helps” … the service win/win/win character).
Self-consciousness is both healthy and good, so long as it remains a dialogue between our inner/instinctive/emotional and outer/action/rational selves …
and like fear, is only unhealthy and bad if we get stuck in a dominant posture (or monologue) of one of the options available:
Fight (bully it into submission with a stick? This would be violence/coercion/arrogance.),
Flight (evade any probability of negative outcome? This would be passive/self-victimizing/cowardice.), or
Freeze (arrest it, and/or your own contribution to it … by being curious about it and engaging with what is hidden and not yet perceived correctly, so that you can move with confidence into the future).
Unless fear is truly – in reality – in response to an authentically existential threat (actual demise or dismemberment), engaging with it is (almost always) the most proportionate and productive response.
We, as sentient beings, have to distinguish between what we feel (past experience creating instinct), what we perceive (now, in the moment), and we think (future expectations if we can align our instincts with our current experience and rational considerations). If we get stuck in one posture too long, then that’s where the problems lie.
This requires a balanced degree of self-consciousness and occasional (cyclical) self-engagement … confidence is trusting our Selves to engage and progress, if not succeed.
What blocks self-confidence? The presence of Denial (the closing off dialogue, for whatever reason – arrogance, cowardice, or passivity). Self-consciousness is imperative to uncovering our most precious and dearly held (and ultimately arrogant) denials.
What builds self-confidence? Comfort with continual reassessment and adaptability to progress; fear given its proper proportion. Comfort with an occasional cycling through self-consciousness.
In other words, humility … know thyself … know that there are things lurking in your denials and arrogance’s that remain obscure to yourself, and can be teased out over time, and dialogue. Confidence is being comfortable with the dialogue, and knowing you can handle it.
Totally agree and this is what Dan wants, for the viewers to engage with each other on these subjects. Lots of good points to think on.
Wow, this one is packed! Great quotes too! And, as often I find here, the comments are an interesting read too! Thank you Dan and everyone engaged in the conversation -> this daily read increases my energy, belief in people and just improves my day: much appreciated! 🙂
I found the first bullet interesting. When I was younger, I looked for success to model. A leader who talked through their failures seemed not as strong to me. Now that I am older, though, I find I gravitate to leaders who openly share their mistakes and encourage it in their staff. Not that they want mistakes, but they value the learning experience that come from them and the ability to take some calculated risks to move the organization forward.