7 Questions Control Freaks Should Start Asking Today
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Control freak. Now you say, “Control freak who?”
Raise the hand of the person beside you, if you’re a control freak.
You might be a control freak if:
- You reach for the wheel while riding in the passenger seat.
- The second item on your check list is, “Check off item #1.”
- You fall asleep with the TV remote in your hand.
My wife does the cooking in our family. In the past, I gave her advice on how she should cook. Now I stay out of the kitchen.
Bob Sutton rightly said that control freaks, “… will give you advice even when he has no expertise.”
Teams and control freaks:
Control freaks don’t thrive on teams. They often do all the work because no one else does it good enough. Or, they pull back and complain. Or, everyone else gets sick of them.
Trust and control freaks:
Control freaks justify their controlling nature by bringing up their negative experience with trusting others.
“I trusted someone back in ‘78 and they burned me. So now I have to be up in everyone’s business.”
7 questions control freaks could ask themselves:
- How are you helping others grow?
- Is this worth your time, attention, and energy (TAE)? Control freaks squander their talent by getting involved in trivialities.
- How much of your TAE is spent on things that AREN’T working?
- How might you choose personal growth and development when you feel like controlling others?
- How are you putting long-term organizational interests ahead of your own?
- How would you like people to interact with you?
- Do you want compliance, contribution, or commitment from others?
Bonus: How much do you like loneliness?
How might controlling leaders decide which things they should control and which they should let go?
How might being controlling be less of an all or nothing approach?
Thanks Dan, this is impactful. I get the feeling that I’m a control freak. Perhaps a sign confirming that I am a control freak. What is the difference between coaching and controlling? How can I be less controlling and give others the space to perform?
Thanks Lane. I find navigating this terrain rather difficult. I’m a control freak.
Begin by choosing one of the questions in the post to repeat several times in a day. Then choose a different one the next day.
It’s a challenge because you should control some things.
When it comes to coaching, perhaps the question are,
“How are you releasing people?”
“Who does most of the talking?”
“How many suggestions are you making?”
“How are you helping others feel powerful?”
I loved this – “I trusted someone back in ‘78 and they burned me. So now I have to be up in everyone’s business.” Funny, true, and ouch all in one. Thanks, Dan.
Thanks Katie. I’m glad you enjoy gentle sarcasm. 🙂
I have to raise my own hand on this one. I am definitely a control freak. In fact, I don’t typically ride anywhere. I am almost always the one doing the driving.
Thanks for the great post!
Jay
Thanks Jay. Maybe you should consider being the passenger more often. It might be an opportunity for growth. When I’m the passenger, I keep saying to myself, “Relax…relax…relax. Keep quiet!”
It’s good for the soul. 🙂
OMG and LOL, I didn’t need to read any further than the image caption. If you are a control freak, raise the hand of the person next to you. So funny, I could see a room full of husbands and wives with all the wives raising their husbands’ arm. You see, I’ve dated then married many a control freak who doesn’t know he’s a control freak, so being a control freak myself apparently (I’m not ready to fully own this moniker for myself, apparently), I would be raising his hand without even considering exactly how controlling that behaviour is! Thank you for the laugh, the image, the wisdom, and the new label to work on (for myself!).
I have been reading about Pixar’s culture that embraces failure. They believe that failure leads to creativity and can result in growth if properly managed. It seems that the balance of being controlling to guide and direct while allowing your staff to occasionally fail and grow through it is a challenge. I’ve gotten a little better at it lately because of the culture I’m in and the way growth is viewed. But I have been in other environments that were very intolerant to failure and it led to much more controlling behaviors.
This is so very true: Control freaks don’t thrive on teams. They often do all the work because no one else does it good enough. Or, they pull back and complain. Or, everyone else gets sick of them.
I can only imagine how bad it would be if you had an entire team of control freaks.