Who to Encourage and Who to Kick in the Pants
Experienced leaders benefit most from tough feedback, as long as they’re committed to growth.
Novices need encouraging feedback.
Negative feedback:
Suppose you’ve been working on running great meetings for years and you’re committed to getting even better. How would you feel if I told you that you’re doing something that hinders the effectiveness of your meetings?
It might sting but you’d lean in and say, “Tell me more.”
What if I explain that great teams talk TO EACH OTHER more than the person at the head of the table? You’d be excited to develop the conversation around the table. Right?
Experienced leaders enjoy being told what they’re doing wrong – as long as it helps them improve.
I’ve been giving presentations since I was 16 years old. I’m still committed to improve. A few years ago I invited a person to come to a presentation for the sole purpose of giving me feedback.
He told me I look down when I think. He said he lost connection with me. I’m so thankful for his corrective feedback. I continue to work on maintaining eye contact while I speak.
Positive feedback:
Novices need positive feedback about their commitment to meet expectation.
Corrective feedback is discouraging to novices who are doing their best. They need to be told what they’re doing right and that – with hard work – they can meet their goals.
Positive feedback motivates the inexperienced, as long as you don’t give the impression that success is easy. At the same time, honor commitments.
Both:
Everyone needs positive AND negative feedback.
Experienced people get the most from negative feedback. Give novices and new employees 5X more positive than negative feedback.
When is it most useful to give negative/positive feedback?
When is it most useful to give negative/positive feedback?
I think a good steady relationship must be built in order to give feedback unless the learner is openly soliciting feedback.
When a strong relationship of trust is built and mutual respect exists, then feedback is always received as positive…even when it’s negative feedback. 🙂
Thanks Brad. You take us back to connecting and relationship. We might have thought that leadership was all about techniques. But really it’s about relationships. Influence is about relationship.
Your meeting example is good timing. What to do when your manager gives you negative feedback specifically FOR running meetings so that people *do* talk to each other and their feedback is actively solicited — and for trying to do other things the good management gurus recommend? Just because someone gives feedback, it might not be great advice, whether it’s positive or negative.
I think the previous commenter brings up an important point — there has to be trust, mutual respect, and good will for feedback to be productive.
Thanks Anon. The skill, experience, and philosophy of the person giving feedback matters. As a general rule, it’s helpful to declare your intention and then ask for feedback. For example, I’m working to create an environment where the people around the table talk to each other. What do you see me doing that hinders that intention? What do you see me doing that works to create that environment.
The other thing to consider is that the person giving you feedback may see some other concerns that it would be healthy for you to consider. Perhaps your great at creating conversations, but not so good at making decisions. (Just a thought)
It is most useful when it comes from someone who is more experienced or skilled in the area, where they can mentor you to grow and become better.
Thanks Gerry. Your comment speaks to the above comment of Anon.
Recently completed a leadership course that emphasized the importance of focusing on the positive rather than the negative in developing our teams… in other words, a little negative goes a long way… Also like the notion that more experienced people are in a place to be able to get more growth out of negative feedback than the newcomers… Of course, any feedback always needs to be delivered in a constructive manner… Thanks for the post Dan, you always make me think!!
Thanks Susan. Some research suggests at least a 3 to 1 ration between positive and negative. That’s just to keep equilibrium. Bad is stronger than good.
In any case, most of us could work much harder at delivering effective feedback.
I’m curious about the thought of only providing positive feedback to novices. I get it on one hand, but in the other, they just need more direction. For example, we get quite a few interns and new grads and they use a lot of emojis in business communication. They benefit from instruction on business communication etiquette in our organization. Maybe it’s just in the delivery?
I’ve been in the industry for 28 years and while I welcome constructive criticism, I still keep every “Good job” email I receive.