The Truth about, “Just Tell me What to Do.”
The traditional military model of leadership may be what people think of when they hear the the term leader.
Generals tell the rank and file what to do. “When I say jump. You say, “How high?”
Seven models of leadership:
- Shepherd – sheep.
- Politician – voters.
- Conductor – orchestra.
- Parent – child.
- Coach – athlete.
- Founder – follower.
- Designer – contractor – homeowner.
Factors for the best leadership style:
- Culture and context.
- Circumstances. Crisis calls for more dictatorial styles of leadership.
- Skill and experience of team members. A conductor style of leadership might best suit a talented team.
- Skill and experience of the leader.
- Complexity of task. The more complex the task, the greater the need for an empowered workforce.
Shifting toward a coaching style of leadership:
Young workers desire coaching.
Older workers – who have less interest in personal development – prefer loose direction and autonomy. They want you to tell them what you want and then leave them alone.
Coaching or telling:
You might coach an employee to discover and choose their own solution. You ask, “What are three possible solutions to this situation?
You might ask, “Which of your strengths are most applicable right now?”
When you shift toward coaching and away from commanding, you’ll hear, “Just tell me what to do.”
Employees who want you to tell them what to do are fearful, unskilled, or resistant.
- Resistant employees don’t want you to tell them what to do. They want you to tell them what they want to hear.
- Unskilled employees may need mentors or training.
- Fearful employees may need to understand that failure is a learning opportunity.
Anyone who says, “Just tell me what to do,” resists ownership.
When someone says, “Just tell me what to do,” smile and say, “I’m telling you to come back with three options for this situation.”
What model of leadership seems most useful in your culture and context? Why?
How might leaders effectively employ coaching as a leadership style?
Hi Dan.
As an older worker, I’m going to disagree with your characterization. I would LOVE some coaching on those skills in which I have limited experience. I think what you are describing is a factor when the older worker is a subject matter expert.
I think referring to “less-experienced” versus “more-experienced” workers would be a better description of coaching interests. And in that case, your thoughts would actually corroborate with the principles of Situational Leadership.
I am very interested in learning new skill sets and then applying them whenever possible. That’s where the coaching would come in…again.
Thanks Stephanie. Point taken and nice distinction. I’ll add that aspiration is important. Aspiration motivates us to desire and be open to coaching. Generally, older workers aren’t looking for a promotion, for example. This makes coaching less interesting to them.
However, your distinction feels kinder and gentler.
Question: Is “Tell me what to do,” different than “tell me what you want me to do?”
Thanks for asking, Leslie. For the purposes of this post, the two sentences are effectively the same.
That’s not to say that sometimes leaders tell people what to do.
Hi Dan,
I’m struggling with this blog post, and I realize why: you are assuming this hypothetical interaction between leader and employee occurs in a positive work environment. Just coming from the exact opposite, where failure means you’re shown the door, everyone works in fear, and its the leaders who are resistant, the statement “Anyone who says, ‘Just tell me what to do,’ resists ownership.” just doesn’t ring true. In an environment where micromanagement reigns supreme, autonomy doesn’t exist, and “leaders” butt heads with employees because they don’t foster growth of any kind, the phrase “just tell me what to do” (or as you stated to Leslie, “just tell me what you want me to do”) becomes the way to move beyond ideological differences. It becomes a way of managing up, forcing the leader to take a stand and point in a direction. Your blog post assumes the “leader” is a leader. And that’s not always the case.
Also, I’m interested in learning more about those seven models of leadership. Can you point me in the right direction, or go into more detail?… maybe a week-long blog post series?? 🙂
Thank you for your writings!!
Dan
Thanks Dan! All my posts are too short to cover every situation. I count on readers like you to bring broader perspective. Cheers
Hi Dan,
I really enjoyed this blog post talking about those people who say “just tell me what to do”. I am the president of my sorority which leads the executive board of my chapter. The executive board is composed of 11 members including myself. I have noticed during my 8 months so far as president that there are executive members who would rather have me solve a problem for them. I think that your advice of having me ask “what are three possible solutions to this situation” would be very beneficial for myself and a way to help my executive board members learn to solve problems on their own.
Hi Dan,
I really enjoyed your blog (as I usually do) but I don’t think agree with your view that anyone who says ‘tell me what to do’ is resisting ownership.
If someone is unskilled, but with aspiration (thinking of the comment above), ‘tell me what to do’ could be translated as ‘tell me what the right thing to do is in this unfamiliar situation, so I can learn from it and apply it next time’. To me, this would be taking ownership of the situation and their own learning and development.
If I genuinely didn’t know what to do in a situation, being asked to come up with three possible solutions by the leader could lead me to disengage – inside my head I could be saying ‘I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you!!’ – and think the leader doesn’t care enough to support me. Or I could think the leader doesn’t know and is trying to cover it up by turning it back on me.
So, whilst I agree that ‘tell me what to do’ could imply resistance to ownership, I don’t think it always implies it.
Thanks Dan. I remember hearing an ex member of the military talking about his success leading the volunteers at the London 2012 Olympics. He was very clear that as an officer he was taught to always have a clear explanation of what was required and why but to never get involved in the how. As soon as you define the how you build a culture of reliance and take away all the skills and knowledge others have.
A good reminder to leaders – our responses and management styles can create a “Just tell me what to do” team. Leaders who micromanage, who look for “Gotcha moments”, who foster a compliance-driven work environment, hinder leadership development and more. Leaders who respond to the ideas shared with negative comments, laughter, by minimizing a “different” way to do things, turn a design-thinker, mover & shaker, idea-generator to become a “Just tell me what to do” team member. Sometimes fearful employees are a direct result of the leadership style of the supervisor.
The best leaders create a team that desires both: tell me what you want and coach me along the way as needed, but get out of the way so I can try.
I don’t find “Tell me what to do” effective with any worker because as a leader if you do, they come back with, “Don’t tell me what to do.” They may not say it but they are thinking it. I find the most important way to lead is to empower others, regardless of age. About a week ago, I had someone say to me, “I think about what you would do, and then started to work on a solution.” Definitely made my day!
“tell me what you want and coach me along the way as needed, but get out of the way so I can try.”
I love this part. Thanks”Ginny”
Funny, at first quick glance I thought the seven models were a quick quiz where you picked the best one, and conductor-orchestra jumped out at me right away. It seems like such a wonderful model, where everyone is an expert in their own area and must work together to make a whole. And the conductor’s role is to draw that out as well as direct. At least that’s how I see it and I like that.
“I’m telling you to come back with three options for this situation.” I think this statement is important, because you are directing them to come up with their own solution, but you are giving them direction as to what their next step is in order to make progress towards a solution. I think this statement is the difference between calming down and getting started on a solution and being frustrated.
Great post. It underscores the reality that people are conditioned to respond by the style of leadership they’ve become accustomed to. They may resist ownership because they’ve been penalized for it in the past (i.e., their failures weren’t treated as coachable learning opportunities). I can imagine some trustbuilding would need to take place before they’d feel empowered again. I also loved the breakdown of the leadership models and when to apply each.
agree with first poster Stephanie on Situational leadership model which also brings into consideration the “level of commitment” along with skill/knowledge to handle an assignment/task and helps determine which approach (e.g. a directed vs. pure delegation model and everything in-between) should be used to have the best outcomes. Has nothing to do with age, which I found to be a broad generalization of a specific group of workers. Imagine how this statement would sound if you used a different descriptor in place of Older vs. younger workers such as female vs. male workers, physically able/disabled workers. Not very diversity and inclusion minded response.. 🙁
Would “Dreamer – Doer” be another leadership style? Just curious.
In the first team I worked with, there was a person who would always be bringing up problems and would want me to give solution even though he was more experienced than me. So, in order to deal with him that’s exactly what I did. I told the team, that they will not come to me with problems. They will come to me with solutions and we will discuss and finalize as to which solution is to be adopted.
Dan, I’m a huge fan and have loved your posts. I do have an issue with this one. Leaders trained in DISC Behavioral assessments understand that there are four primary styles of preferred behavior. One of the 4 is classically described by the expression “Just tell me what to do.” There is a tremendous amount of information in DISC and other style indicators. They help leaders to recognize and respect differences in their people, and manage accordingly. Managers tend to manage in their own style, instead of learning to read styles, then lead and coach in the unique way that fits for an employee. Learning that little bit of customized interaction is a game changer for a leader and a team. Then watch the engagement and productivity go up, and the turnover go down. It’s a powerful thing to be able to read people to lead people.
Thanks for all your posts. Your messages are thought provoking and inspiring.