How to Eliminate the Source of Unhappiness in Leadership
Unhappiness comes to leaders through many channels but one main source.
Channels of unhappiness:
- Pissing on everything. When everything is a pissing contest, you live in constant need to outdo others. Ultimately, you’re surrounded with inferior people.
- Needing to please people. Pleasers are miserable.
- Pursuing happiness. Research shows the pursuit of happiness makes you unhappy. Happy people pursue meaningful service.
- Being surrounded by ‘idiots’. Feelings of superiority create unhappiness. No one’s ever good enough.
- Feeling misunderstood and underappreciated. Successful leaders understand and appreciate others.
- Trying to control that which you can’t control. Control freaks are unhappy or isolated.
- Judging quickly. Judgmental people love to not-like and default to NO.
Leadership unhappiness traces back to ego.
To be specific, unhappiness traces back to TOO MUCH EGO. Egoless leadership is a myth.
Humility and happiness:
Ajay Banga, the CEO of MasterCard, was asked why he succeeded in his career.
“I would think humility is a big part of it. If you’re not willing to learn from people and adapt and adjust and progress in your mind, you can’t be in a company like this and succeed. … I think you can be successful without humility but you won’t enjoy it as much.”
Humility:
- Doesn’t need the approval of others. You can’t push around humble leaders, but ego is easily manipulated.
- Connects. All true connection requires humility.
- Accepts people. If you want to help people grow, accept them. There’s a difference between acceptance and approval.
- Shows honor. Dishonor sucks the life out of your team. Once teammates feel dishonored, they engage in self-destructive behaviors to punish those who dishonored them.
- Serves something bigger than itself. Ego requires self-service.
Humility frees leaders to be happy.
The only cure for egotistical leadership is the practice of humility. Thankfully, you don’t have to feel humble to practice humility.
How might leaders practice humility in small ways today?
Could you explain what you mean by “Thankfully, you don’t have to feel humble to practice humility?” Great post!
Thanks Joan. When humility is a feeling to be pursued we make no progress at all. Feelings are responses to behaviors, hormones, and circumstances.
Humility can be a response to feelings of arrogance. For example, someone asks for our advice or opinion and we feel puffed up. But we know that humility is about others. When we feel puffed up, practice humility by turning your interest toward others.
The other thing I’ve noticed is that working to be less arrogant seems better than trying to be humble. I can be proud of my trying to be humble. It’s pretty hard to be proud of working to be less arrogant.
Cheers
As always, an instructive and stimulating post – thanks! I especially appreciate Gayle Irwin’s defintion of humility in his now older book,”The Jesus Style.” He defined humilty as absolute honesty, and explored how Jesus exemplified humility as perfect honesty. This has always worked for me.
Thanks Randy. It seems that the courage to be honest comes from being humble. Ego needs to protect itself. Humility lets the chips fall where they may.
Well done but one question did you say when we show our self to be humble our brain does not respond with a good feeling?
Great and Inspiring post as always…! For real it pay and counts to be humble either to the team and other wise. In my part in the company, it might seem as though I practicing humility rather than being humble likewise adapting to some principles to get a goal thereby down-grading yourself to get a goal. The question is, what do you aim to achieve in the company? what’s your long-term goal? If you can come up with these answers then you must be humble to get the work done. THUMB UP @DanRockwell
Dan,
Inspiring as always!
Knowing we are not perfect helps, grounds the arrogance! Achieving perfection remains a challenge.
Always be humble and kind you will get your goals a lot easier!
Ouch! This was a little too close to my heart. Another quarter inch and the doctor said I wouldn’t be here today.
Leaders can practice humility by sitting down with their employees and having small talk.
Very true. Humility and integrity are vital behaviours in all leadership roles.
This is a great post! I will use this as a topic of discussion with my team. Question: Referencing Humility: Point 5; can you briefly expand on “Ego requires self-service.”?
Hi Joe. The idea is that ego needs people to serve it. Egotistical leaders think of themselves before others. Rather than serving others they want others to serve them. In that sense ego is self-serving before it’s other-serving.
Humble leaders show up to serve. Egotistical leaders show up to be served.