16 Signs You’re a Toxic Perfectionist
You’re a toxic perfectionist if:
- You’re stingy with gratitude.
- Giving compliments is like pulling teeth.
- No one’s work is good enough.
- Mistakes are proof you’re a loser.
- Pointing out errors is a sport.
- Celebrating success is for babies.
- You never admit mistakes.
- You don’t apologize.
- Weakness is something other people have.
- Avoiding mistakes describes your attitude.
- You always fall short of your expectations.
- If you can’t be perfect you don’t try.
- Everything is either/or for you.
- It’s not about progress. The only thing that matters is results.
- Blame is your first response, because you can’t bear the thought that YOU fell short.
- Everything has to be done your way.
Bonus: Evaluate perfectionism by using this assessment: Perfectionism Scale.
Why perfectionist leaders are toxic blood-suckers:
- You can’t try and learn. There is only try and succeed.
- You can’t learn from mistakes because you don’t make mistakes.
- You suck the joy out of making progress because progress is never good enough.
- You can’t affirm imperfect people and everyone is imperfect.
- You always see what’s wrong and minimize what’s right.
- You expect people to get it right the first time.
- You fix people and no one enjoys being fixed.
7 suggestions for perfectionist leaders:
- Celebrate learning, both yours and others. Put it on your calendar. 15 minutes to walk around asking people what they’re learning? (What are you learning walk-about.)
- Support someone else when they lead.
- Talk with your team about the difference between high standards and perfectionism.
- Start saying, “Let’s try it,” or, “Go for it.”
- To stay involved, say, “Come back and tell me what you learned.”
- Set an end of day progress-goal for projects that take more than a day. Celebrate progress.
- Learn from a high achieving leader who actually enjoys leading.
How might leaders navigate tensions between the pursuit of excellence and toxic perfectionism?
This sounds like every boss I’ve ever had in the contract scientific research organisation field.
Thanks Mitch. Generally speaking, perfectionists build oppressive environments.
It will take a leader stepping down from their pedestal and becoming humble.
Thanks Gerry. Everything good in leadership begins with humility. Cheers
You can learn humility.
Thanks Tony. So true. Think of humility as a practice, not an achievement. Most of us know many of the practices of humility….things like simply saying thank you when you receive a compliment and giving credit to the team when you’re honored.
Tisk tisk … “Your stingy” —> “You’re stingy” …
Thanks John! Have a great week.
I know I’m a day late to this post… but I have a question: in order to be a toxic perfectionist, do I have to identify with all, some, or just one of the attributes listed? I definitely see myself in #3, #11, and sometimes #s 14 and 16. Makes me a little nervous…
Consider too the situations of the perfectionist leader’s followers, employees, subjects, victims perhaps. They are consistently charged with meeting the standards of the perfectionist, a duty likely not in their job descriptions, and also quite impossible. I don’t think we need to belabor the perfection-is-impossible theory, at least on a general basis as here. The heartiest, most diligent of workers will soon tire of the inability to meet the standard of perfection, and depending on the severity of the way the leader handles that failure, will soon tire of the reaction too. But as Seligman and others have shown, repeated failures, especially failure ending in repeated punishment, results in what we call learned helplessness. Learned helplessness explains many unexpected reactions, like just not even trying to meet the perfection standard, depression, surrender.
What’s my point? Well, if the goal is to demoralize, punish, depress, and assure failure in your followers, by all means, be the most perfect perfectionist you can be and strictly enforce your standards in others. You wouldn’t want them to become, gasp, optimistic!