What’s Wrong with Introverts
“Reflecting the prejudices in our culture, both introverts and extroverts chose extrovert as their ideal self and their ideal leader.” (Marti Olsen Laney, The Introvert Advantage)
Blindsided:
I’ll never forget how blindsided I felt when an introvert told me his strong opinion about something I was doing. I was young. I underestimated introverts.
I assumed he didn’t have an opinion because he hadn’t shared one. I was shocked to hear the truth.
Quiet isn’t weak.
Questions:
During conversations, ask introverts, “What’s coming to mind for you?” This question frees an introvert from giving their final thoughts and leaves space for them to change their opinion. An alternative…
What’s on your mind regarding…?
Famous introverts:
The following list from Inc illustrates that some introverts lead businesses, speak publicly, hold political office, and have brilliant minds.
- Bill Gates.
- Albert Einstein. Einstein said, “The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind.”
- Abraham Lincoln.
- Warren Buffet.
- Michael Jordan.
- Meryl Streep.
- Eleanor Roosevelt. Eleanor gave 348 press conferences as First Lady and averaged 150 speaking engagements a year throughout the 1950’s.
Let go the stereotypical idea that introverts are backwards.
Elizabeth Bernstein wrote a convincing article in the WSJ, “Why Introverts Make Great Entrepreneurs.”
Birthday present:
My friend’s married introverted daughter wants a day alone in a hotel for her birthday.
An extrovert might find it difficult to understand an introvert’s need to re-energize with quiet and solitude.
Introverts might need to get out more. Extroverts, on the other hand, might need to embrace solitude more frequently.
Introvert tips:
- Greet people. Say goodbye at the end of the day.
- You may know more than you think you know.
- Give approval to others. Say thank you more.
Diversity:
Nothing’s wrong with introverts. If everyone’s the same, diversity is meaningless.
What helps introverted leaders succeed in an extroverted world?
No introvert is an island, though that’s where they are coming from. The more engaged they are in the moment, the more they yearn for being back there.
It’s the quiet ones you have to watch for … on occasion, they will act in what seems to be an uncharacteristic and precipitous manner, with the apparent conviction of a zealot, but actually impatient with the normally tolerated bs, cutting to the quick, without normal mercy. That’s because they have invested in having things in perspective, looking for a balance that doesn’t exist (at the moment).
Don’t know about MStreep, but everyone else on that list has projected themselves onto their environment with full confidence and little apparent care for what others thought. In fact, they thrived in being seen as wrong, but demonstrating otherwise (by cross-functional example, “doing” more than one thing at a time – not by multi-tasking, but by being elegant).
Thanks Rurbane. “It’s the quiet ones you have to watch for…” We tend to judge other by ourselves. That means introverts and extroverts might not appreciate the unique strengths and approach of their counterparts.
I love the lists of introverts who have made a difference in the world. I hope it’s encouraging.
MBTI has a great characterization of the gregarious introvert. These folks are outgoing and engaging but need their alone time to recharge and reenergize. Introverted leaders realize that they need time away from the crowd and take it.
Thanks McSteve. I’m so glad you brought this up. The stereotype that introverts are shy isn’t true. Some are shy, but some extroverts are shy too.
The reminder that we re-energize in different ways is important to remember.
I married the life of the party. Imagine my surprise when upon co-habituating I discovered that said party required a day of alone time on each end. I go to the party for the social interaction which feeds me and he spends alone time on each end to feed himself so that he can go to the party and engage socially.
As an introvert the question I would ask is what is wrong with loud-mouthed extroverts that prefer brawn over brain?hh
Now that’s a question. 🙂
As a self-professed introvert, I know that leadership and introversion can work hand in hand and do so well. The appearance that giving some time for a response is a reflection of weakness could not be further from the truth. In many cases, introverts respond; extroverts react. There is nothing wrong with either approach. When introverts are pressed to make a quick decision, it is there that problems show up as they process first in order to make the “right” decision.
Thank you for drawing attention to this distinction in your last several posts Dan!!
My wife is very much an introvert, but she is very quick to process and make decisions. I am an extrovert but process information before making any decisions. I have to have all the info! Here is a link to a free Meyers-Briggs personality profile…http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html. There are so many different aspects to ones personality that determine how one processes information and make decisions!
Thanks Andrew. The thing I appreciate about introverts is their ability to dig into something, give it careful consideration, and make an informed decision.
It is interesting that some of us have introverted tendencies, but I prefer an “as you go” approach to “decide before you go.” You can imagine that my preference can cause frustration for some. One of my favorite sayings is, “We’ll figure it out.”
I continue to enjoy reading about and thinking about the denouement between “needing to treat everyone the same” and the seeming inability to do so as everyone is different. We must cherish and leverage diversity as a winning solution. Each person is an individual with different needs, wants, goals, and motivations. It is in this diversity that we grow as people and organizations. Our challenge as leaders revolves around learning these factors about our team mates through good communication and doing what we can to helping them reach goals even they may not have realized they could attain.
Thanks David. So true. This goes back to getting the right people on the bus and then getting them in the right seats.
Thank you Rubane for summing up so succinctly the introverted personality–you could have been writing about me: my siblings always complainted that I lived on an island, my children called me “Spock” (although now as adults they have come to appreciate my logic), even enemies admired the fact that I did not care what others thought of me. My ex hated my thrill at the challenge to be proven right–and I just learned that this a natural tendency to be “cross-functional,” and most of all my business success is due to not tolerating, or just simply ignoring the bs, and just getting things done. And I don’t seek credit because for me the desired result is my satisfaction.
Being extrovert v. introvert has nothing to do with liking or not liking people. It mostly has to do with where the person gets their mental energy. After a long day at work, an most extroverts are looking to find more people to be around…going to get drinks, dinner, maybe catch a game, that is what recharges their “batteries”. Most introverts after a long day at work are looking forward to going home and relaxing. It is a false assumption to think that you always have to pull stuff out of an introvert, it may not be because they are introverted. It may just be that they are an internal processor. I know several “extroverts” that do this as well. Understanding these type behaviors in the people we manage will help us lead them better and will help create a more productive work area!
Thanks Doug. Glad you joined in. In particular. The idea that introverts don’t like people, as you indicate, is wrong thinking. Generally, introverts prefer deeper relationships with fewer people, but that has nothing to do with liking people.
Anytime we think about characteristics of people there are bound to be many shades of variation. Cheers
Correct, i was not saying introverts don’t like people. The point i was attempting to make was about energy. Some people draw their energy from people, while others need “alone” time to get recharged. Sorry for the confusion. 🙂
Good point, Dan … internally oriented people like intimacy (limiting their sharing to fewer people, by necessity) … plus, they rarely get bored, the life in their mind being quite sufficient.
I’m an introvert, but have worked hard to build up skills like public speaking, so people are often surprised to hear me say I’m introverted. I was dismayed when a coworker explained she was dropping out of our Toastmasters group because she had read a book and now felt it was okay to be introverted. I agree it’s okay, but I think to make the greatest contribution, it’s good to stretch ourselves and get better at things that make us uncomfortable. I still draw energy from being by myself, but have been able to contribute much more as a leader by developing those skills.
Blind marginalizing extroverted culture is what’s wrong with intoverts, nothing else. More acceptance will benefit all sides.
There’s nothing I resent more than needing a feedback from someone who decides they would rather keep it to themselves. Especially if you can intuitively tell that their input might bring a difference to the current situation. And instincs never lie. Their excuse: “you said NO to my input the other day…”.
Not realising that just because it was a no before doesn’t necessarily mean it will be a no always. So introverts need to also understand that their input will sometimes be rejected. Not because they were wrong but just maybe the timing was all wrong and that very same input might be used on a later stage.
Your argument is coming from a weak leadership position. Strong leaders just don’t say “No” to feedback; leaders will accept feedback with grace and acknowledgement and state that the feedback will be considered at a later date.
What you need to understand is that your point-blank “No” is exactly what you are accusing of introverts, which is coveting a hidden agenda, and you will then lose all trust from an introvert.
If you expect your team to be up-front with you, then be the first to be up-front with them–after all YOU ARE THE LEADER.