How to Look Smart When Seeking Advice
Don’t worry. You won’t look stupid if you seek advice.
There’s wisdom in not-knowing.
Ancient wisdom:
Research agrees with ancient wisdom. Advice-seeking is smart. And it makes you look smart when done skillfully.
- “The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.” Shakespeare
- “The only true wisdom is knowing you know nothing.” Socrates
- “The way of a fool is right in his own opinion, but the one who listens to advice is wise.” Jewish Proverb
Hard-headed fools press forward and suffer for it.
Francesco Gino says we’re wrong-headed about the dangers of advice-seeking. Don’t be afraid people will think you’re stupid.
How to look smart:
Alison Wood Brooks says, “We actually view people who seek our advice as much more competent than people who forego the opportunity to seek advice.”
“People feel good when you seek their advice. They think, ‘They’re asking for my advice because they think I’m smart and I know the answer, and I think they’re smart because I’m actually going to tell them things that will be useful and help them do the task better.’”
How to seek advice brilliantly:
Always explain desired outcomes. Never ask, “What do you think I should do,” before you’ve fully described what you’re trying to accomplish.
Clarity emerges after you choose a target.
7 questions for brilliant advice-seekers:
- What do you suggest I do before I make this decision?
- What problems do you see with this course of action? Opportunities?
- If you were facing this challenge, what would you do?
- Who might be able to give me advice about this situation?
- What’s important in this situation?
- What’s the best outcome of this challenge, from your point of view?
- What option(s) do you see?
Tip: Use the plural when seeking advice to prevent obligation.
What’s the wrong way to seek advice?
What suggestions might you add for successful advice-seeking?
Bonus material:
Asking Advice Makes a Good Impression – Scientific American
5 Questions you Have to Ask Before Asking for Advice – Psychology Today
The Art of Giving and Receiving Advice – HBR Jan-Feb 2015
I’m Successful Because I’ve Been Wrong – Leadership Freak
Know you limitations as both an advice-seeker and an advice-giver.
Thanks Wayne. That’s good advice.
Asking for advice is good. Personally, I’ve never been scared to ask for advice, but the tips you give here on how to ask for advice echos an approach I’ve only been employing in recent years. Just the other day I was working with an experienced new hire and when we approached a problem I instinctively began making suggestions. Why not? I was the more experienced person, right? I realized he was going to go along with me, but I could see in his body language he was apprehensive. So I added, “Listen, I’m really just asking for your opinion. What do you think about those ideas?” After that we were able to have an open discussion and come to an agreeable solution.
Thanks Gary. I could feel you pull back, relax, and open up as I read your comment. It was like I was observing your conversation.
There’s a lot to be said for trying to relax and open up, instead of trying to prove a point.
Thanks for your insights, Dan.
What’s the wrong way to seek advice? Having no intentions of using the advice given, for starters, many individuals will ask and do thinks their way anyway, so ask with good intentions.
After receiving the advice considering yourself an expert.
What suggestions might you add for successful advice-seeking?
After reading Garry’s response above, having a two way discussions on sharing each others viewpoints with Pros and Cons, if we do thinks this way, so sharing in a thought out process, digging a little deeper if need be. Not everything is a 1 word or sentence answer.
Thanks Tim. Your comment reminds me of the importance of having more than one option to discuss. Come up with three possible solutions and weight the pros and cons of each. It’s certainly less personal this way.
In my experience there are very clear two advice seekers. One is who is solution oriented and the other is blame oriented or trying to avoid the task/decision making. When the advice is sought without honesty, the results aren’t good.
So, what I do is when I seek advice, I structure my sentences so as to make sure that it does not have tone of blame or escape and if I sense something of the sort in response I clarify the intent behind the advice.
Thank you Dan. I really enjoy reading your advice every morning. Every time, I have doubts and questions, I would go back to you posts and look for what I want. I am always shy to ask questions because I am scared of what people might think of me and I am afraid that I would ask the wrong questions.
Thanks for this post on advice seeking. I think someone asking from advice from someone with no experience in the field they are in seeking answers is a way to get the wrong advice. Successful advice seeking is a matter of taking the time to think out your solutions first. Then go seek advice from someone with experience in the matter and let them know your thoughts and possible solutions. This will allow them to either refine them or inform you if it is a good or bad choice.
An interesting post with lot of take always!
The best thing while taking an advice from anyone is to be truthful in sharing the factual information and give a patient hearing showing the required ignorance.