7 Secrets to Help People Become Better People That Actually Work
You’re a better person because someone helped you become better. It’s your turn to help others become better.
I don’t blame you if working to make PEOPLE better feels awkward. We’re not talking about widgets.
It sounds arrogant to say, “I’m working to better others.” Improving circumstances is more comfortable. But leadership is about people. You want PEOPLE to be better because of you. (Yes, you improve systems and circumstances too.)
There’s a long line of people standing behind you. They made you better – parents, relatives, friends, coaches, teachers, and bosses.
Whose line are you in?
False humility thinks, “I can’t help people be better.” You might say to yourself, “It’s not my job to help people be better.” That’s safe and irresponsible.
7 secrets to help people be better people:
- Encourage people to help you become better. Ask them for their best word of advice and practice it for a week, for example.
- Share your journey. Talk about failures, growth, and successes. (The value of self-reflection is finding enough clarity about your journey that it becomes useful to others.)
- Talk about values, inner motivation, and purpose whenever you work on strategy, system, and method.
- Help people focus less on failure and more on learning. (Mindset)
- Understand that most growth is gradual. You notice it when you look back. Dramatic growth may lead to over-confidence and arrogance.
- Challenge people to try new things and stay available to help when they do.
- Help with THEIR aspirations. I recently began a conversation with one of our grandchildren by saying, “I can help you get better at that.” We were talking about basket-ball. He leaned in. His eyes got wide.
Bonus: Turn “don’t want” into “do want”. You’re stuck in muck when life is filled with “don’t wants”.
Who helped you be a better person?
How might leaders help people become better people?
Added material:
Developing Leadership Character, IVY Business Journal
Building Character: Strengthening the Heart of Good Leadership, Center for Creative Leadership
Leadership Qualities And The Importance Of Character, Brian Tracy
It’s embarrassing, but early in my career I balked at preparing a welcoming snack for some colleagues who were going to come to my work location for a meeting. I snipped to my Supervisor, David: “No one ever does that for anyone else….why should i?” — and luckily he came back definitively with the statement: “Because it’s the right thing to do. I don’t care if they don’t do it, and neither should you.” Of course he was right and although momentarily stung — I really did, and do, take to heart that I had to strive for my best self — even if I don’t always feel it reciprocated. It is the right thing to do. David is definitely in my line of people who made me better.
Great post Dan! There are many people I’ve interacted with in my life that have served as examples. First and foremost is my wife, who continues to demonstrate patience, compassion, and love. I also learned something from an acquaintance many years ago. After a meeting, I asked if he could spare a moment to talk about what he did to prepare for an interview for the position he was just appointed to (because I was being interviewed for a new position the following week). For the next 60 minutes, he made me feel like the most important person in the world to him. It was unbelievable how he focused his attention on helping me become a better interviewee. I could not emulate this kind of experience, but I found that by focusing on another person (those I mentored or supervised) demonstrated respect and concern for their well-being, and perhaps helped them.
A very insightful and aspirational post! I grew to understand that my entire job as a leader, directly or indirectly, was to help people be better. I was fortunate to work for a few inspirational and transformational leaders whose examples still influence my thinking years after retirement. I also had the good fortune to be able to thank these people for their example and tutelage at crucial points in my career. Their examples compelled me to try and be a better leader and role model for my own people. This post is a good road map for that journey.
Some people just don’t want to be helped made better. For whatever reasons (and it always seems to involve some form of lack of passion) they just don’t want any help. That dynamic frustrates me to no end as I’ve never been that way, always moving ahead, always with passion. Is it because I was raised differently? i believe that is the case.
I would agree wholeheartedly with your comments and about Dan’s post. Regarding your learnings on leadership, would you openly verbalise your role as leader and hence that of the organisation, to “Grow People” or would you just let your actions speak for themselves?
A very inspirational -and aspirational- post! I grew to understand that my entire job as a leader, directly or indirectly, was to help people be better. I was fortunate to work for a few inspirational and transformational leaders whose influence and examples continue to shape my thinking years after retirement. I was also lucky to have to opportunity to thank these people for their example and tutelage at critical points in my career. They inspired me to be a better role model for my people over the years. This post serves as a good road map for such a journey.
Awesome post! The people that help me be who I am today is my grandmother, mentors, and friends. They taught me patience, kindness, and empathy. Additionally, they taught me how to stand up for myself and others which is something that I take much pride in. When I first thought of what I wanted to be when I grew up, I just knew it had to do something that helped people which is why I joined the Navy as a Hospital Corpsman (medical technician).
Leaders are mentors, and he or she should feel obligated to groom their staff to make them all better people. Additionally, leaders should be fair, engaging and hold their team members accountable. Most importantly being able to have an honest conversation, asking for feedback and actively mentoring* rather than passively.
Everyone I have dealt with has made me who I am today. To me, the more important ones are those who taught me how not be and how not to do things.
A leader that can inspire employees to go day in and out for work is always amazing to see. You’ll be surprised how much positivity can bring to a team and how it can eventually be contagious. Negativity in a group can bring just the same result unfortunately. When you encourage, challenge and embrace your team, they go out and do more and more. Those leaders don’t need incentives to motivate their team, they are always on it.