Women in Business Choose How You Show-Up
Choose how you show up, before you show-up, or you’ll end up pushed around by strong people and stressful situations.
Tip:
Before your next important meeting or conversation, spend a few minutes planning how you want to show-up. (Advice from Joan Kuhl, author of, “Dig Your Heels In.”)
Choose how you show-up:
#1. Know yourself before you show up.
- What do you value that makes you proud?
- Believe that you can change and develop skills.
#2. Identify three attributes that make you feel solid.
“Think about the three attributes that really make you feel solid.” Joan Kuhl
Curiosity, noticing people’s energy, and pressing into the future make me feel solid.
- What makes you feel solid?
- How might your favorite three attributes serve your team?
“A person can perform only from strength. One cannot build performance on weakness, let alone on something one cannot do at all.” Peter Drucker
#3. Seek feedback.
Feedback helps you bridge the gap between intention and impact. No one intends to show-up looking weak, passive, incompetent, or insecure.
- Identify trusted colleagues that know you and understand your goals.
- Seek feedback before you go public. Explain what you intend to do to reach your goals. Pre-performance feedback saves unnecessary disappointment.
- Before seeking feedback, declare an intention. You might say, “I intended to show up with confidence.”
- What did I do that demonstrated my intention?
- What did I do that hindered my intention?
- Seek feedback on the three attributes that make you feel solid.
Tip: Declare an intention before you seek feedback so you won’t look needy. “I intended to show-up with curiosity,” is better than asking, “How am I doing?”
What are the best ways for women in business to show-up?
How might you choose to show-up before you get pushed around?
Visit: Joan Kuhl
Purchase: Dig Your Heels In
How to show-up video:
Bonus material:
9 Top Female Executives Share the Best Career Advice their Mothers Gave Them (GE)
The Career Advice you Shouldn’t Listen to, According to Successful Female CEOs (NBC News)
Advice From 7 Women Leaders Who Navigated The Male-Dominated Tech Scene (Fast Company)
Is this really for women only?
Joan’s book is directed to women. Some of the material applies to men and women. Her passion is women in leadership.
I admire anyone who is trying to help women succeed. I would like to hear Joan’s thoughts on how bias plays into the points she is making. I’m specifically talking about how women are measured and given feedback against the standards that men have set for “what leaders look like and how leaders act” — which often create double-standards for women.
(from Joan Kuhl, Author, Dig Your Heels In): This is a very important question (thank you, Jackie!) and one I have explored a lot – what feedback do women get and how does it help/hurt us?
The most staggering thing I learned is that only 12% of women report being satisfied with the feedback they receive. Managers express often that their greatest challenges are around giving feedback to female and minority candidates coming up the line. Research shows that white males are more comfortable talking to and advising other white males—but are afraid when it comes to giving candid feedback to women or people of color. The research strongly supports that women are less likely to receive specific feedback tied to outcomes, while men receive more specific guidance of what is needed to get them to the next level of seniority with their organization. Women hear more about the “What” vs. the “How” in their performance and lack the constructive and actionable feedback necessary to accelerate through management at the same pace as their male peers. Therefore my conclusion is that vague feedback holds women back. In my book, Dig Your Heels In, I offer stories from trailblazing women and my own advice for pursuing constructive, developmental feedback. This takes practice and you’ll need allies in the process.
Networks are critical to career progression but you may underestimate how influential they are in acquiring the support and feedback needed to achieve new career experiences. Often, women’s achievements are disregarded or overlooked by others, and women sometimes give themselves less credit. This can erode their confidence as leaders. We need to champion and role model for an inclusive speak-up culture to ensure that women have the same access to opportunities as men.
Jackie this is exactly what I was thinking. I am guessing that the book definitely provides more information. Hopefully, it addresses some of the specific things that we face in the work environment that sets us up differently to men.
Dan,
I think the points from the book that you mention here apply to both women/men/anyone. I wish that was clarified early on in the post or that women was removed from the title.
I understand that the book is gender specific. At the same time, the title of the post makes it seem like it is a women specific problem. How individuals show up and power dynamics in business are issues that can affect everyone. I know plenty of men, who also are/feel pushed around.
Thanks Jocelyn. Choosing how you show-up applies across the board. Joan’s focus is women. I don’t find any problem with her focus on women, even if the principles apply to women and men. But, thanks for your comment.
I was very disappointed in this post. This post makes the assumption that women are inherently weak and passive. The comment, “no one intends to show-up looking weak, passive, incompetent, or insecure” is insulting and degrading to women. It sends the message that women unintentionally appear to be weak, passive, incompetent, and insecure. How disappointing. I wish for you the influence of an amazing female leader to help change your perceptions.
Thanks Janna. I’m glad you shared your perspective.
Hmmmm…. this didn’t land for me. Stereotypical and reeks of bias. And I appreciate that you’re attempting to pass on a female writer’s recommendations, but as a seasoned white male, I find it curious to think you can provide commentary and advice on the female leader experience.
Thanks Kate. The post is Joan’s content. It’s mostly taken from the video. The expression “choose how you show-up” has been used here on posts that I’ve written. I don’t mind passing it on to men or women.
Wow, I needed this, and I’m a guy.
Thank you for this post! I’m surprised at how defensive some women are in response to this post. I think it is important that women have advice that is tailored to us! The first tip about visualization is essential to showing up in a room with confidence. Seeing yourself where you want to be, producing the results you would like to see is half the battle. We are exactly who we think we are!
Dan, I have enjoyed the video portions of your posts. this post came at a good time for me. Even though I regularly choose how I show up, sometimes random circumstances can challenge one’s self confidence. This post was a great reminder of the importance of centering before entering. Make it a great day!