4 Self-Limiting Statements You Must Stop Saying Today
#1. Stop saying, “I didn’t have time.”
Everyone has enough time. Refusing to accept reality is belligerent insanity.
Two reasons you say, “I didn’t have enough time.”:
You over-estimate your talent and abilities. A dose of humility might help your tendency to over-commit.
People-pleasing drives you to say yes when you should say no.
Tip:
Set appointments with tasks.
The next time you say yes to a task, open your calendar and schedule dates and times when you’ll work to complete that task. Treat a task-appointment like an appointment with a person.
#2. Stop saying “We,” when you mean, “You.”
“We” is inclusive and humble when it reflects sincere intention. But “How are WE going to get this done?” is manipulative when you don’t plan to help.
“What could WE do about that?” is evasive and weak when the accurate response is, “What could YOU do about that?”
Warning: “We” opens the door to reverse delegation.
#3. Stop saying, “What do you think?” when you aren’t seeking input.
“What do you think?” engages others when it’s sincere but creates disillusionment when you don’t listen.
Protect yourself from obligation by generating three options. Three options is a decision. One option is an obligation.
#4. Stop saying, “I’ll do it myself.”
Two-year olds say, “I’ll do it myself,” to affirm their identity, but’s it’s deadly for leaders.
The more you work alone, the less successful you are as a leader.
Learn to say, “Yes,” when people offer help. You tell people they don’t matter when you reject their help.
Do it yourself when:
You are the ONLY person with the authority to complete the task. If this happens regularly, it’s time to delegate authority.
The task rarely comes up, you know how to do it quickly, and it’s not worth training someone else to do it.
What might you add to the stop-saying list?
Which of the above statements seem most relevant to you?
Bonus material:
How Strong Leaders Ask For Help (Forbes)
11 Things Smart People Don’t Say (Entrepreneur)
Stop saying “great job” when it was an average performance at best.
Thanks Paul. Frivolous compliments devalue affirmations. We can honor initiative and effort, but telling someone it’s a great job when it’s average affirms average.
Thank you Paul! I’ve had to stop that.
Which of the above statements seem most relevant to you?
The 4th one on “I’ll do it myself”.
Dan, you raise some really good points on why this is a deadly trap for leaders. It implies lack of trust in the team, negatively impacts morale and often takes time away from something that truly only the most senior person can do…further slowing progress,
Thanks for a particularly good post today.
Thanks Susan. #4 may be one of the hardest things to stop saying. We admire people independence and self-reliance. But leaders, in order to be successful, learn to relay on others.
#4. Stop saying, “I’ll do it myself.”, If we were intended to do the task we wouldn’t be the leader, learning to delegate is crucial if one expects to lead, the same process follows with trusting to whom we delegate too. You can’t build the blocks without the foundation.
Thanks Tim. The work of leaders is helping others get things done.
Your “I didn’t have time” phrase struck a chord with me. I placed my identity on outworking my competition. So I poured time into my work at the expense of my own health and family. It was a mistake. Saying the first no is hard, but then it gets easier over time.
Thanks Hamilton. Congratulations. I remember the first NO I said to my boss. It was really hard. I wanted to be the go-to guy. I wrote about it here: http://bit.ly/2f260pY
I ceased saying I don’t have time years ago. Now I admit to myself “it isn’t my priority”. Priorities always get done.
Thanks Bill. A person who never has enough time needs a priority. 🙂
#4. Stop saying, “I’ll do it myself.” stands out. The challenge with this one is that not all staff are either 1) willing to learn once a task is delegated or 2) want to learn once a task is delegated. Those that do want to learn are “gems” and should be supported. Additionally, certain technical tasks are difficult to delegate unless one has similar background and/or experience. That’s when it’s difficult to delegate and at this time is where i spend a lot of my efforts. I attempt to explain how and why I come up with my solutions but again if one does not have the same technical background it is usually hard for others to understand.
Thanks Roger. Love what you bring to the conversation.
Trying to figure out if it’s good to delegate a difficult task is challenging. Is the training worth the time? That’s where it’s useful to think in terms of the next 3 to 6 months. Will you see ROI on the training? It’s not an easy question.
Another challenge is you may be an expert and the person you’re delegating to might be a novice. Their results won’t be as good as yours. It’s a real temptation to nit-pick someones work when it’s not quite as good as yours.
Over-all, many leaders need to spend more time enabling others to do things. It’s a long-term philosophy that takes humility, generosity, courage, and patience.
Such great reminders! I learned that there is a big difference between the statements “I didn’t have enough time” and “I didn’t MAKE enough time” – The first one is an excuse, as Dan brilliantly pointed out. The second? It is a choice. We MAKE time for what is important to us.
Really? I strongly disagree with the premise that everyone has enough time. It presumes that people are able to set their own schedules and that employers make accurate assumptions about how long it takes to do work. That is not my experience. Am I really alone in that experience?
Thanks Kerry. Time cannot be changed. Every one has enough. To resist this idea is to reject reality. Your concern about managing ourselves within the time we have is well placed. When we accept that we have enough time, we are less likely to mismanage ourselves. And yes, some employers are ridiculous about how long it will take to get something done. But the fact remains, we all have enough time because there is no alternative.
Kerry, I use this analogy. You drive home as quickly as you can, chat a couple of amber lights, take a few risks. When you get home what happens to those few minutes you ‘saved’? Nothing, we waste them. Its the same at work, and more so when we don’t take control of our own destiny.
Great points Dan, agree with all of them. My experience with this at present is people so arrogant they don’t return calls and emails, no such thing as too busy, they’re arrogant, conceited and lazy. I’m currently waiting on no fewer than six people paid for by my rates and taxes to return my calls and emails. Bah!