Choosing Courage Over Comfort
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Comfort feels good, but courage contributes to greatness.
Opportunity:
Opportunities to lean in and be courageous unfold daily.
How often were you aware there was something important to share with another, but instead you stepped back and brushed it aside?
You found yourself internally upset by a situation, but rather than discussing it, you avoided the conversation.
Courage is an attribute that makes the difference between good and great.
These are the everyday openings to choose courage over comfort, to lean into those moments that matter and often create growth for others.
Roadblocks:
What gets in the way? It’s different for each of us, but common refrains are “it didn’t seem that important,” “it didn’t feel like the right time,” “I didn’t want to offend,” or “I find it too uncomfortable.”
We’re able to summon the courageous path rather than resting in that old comfort zone!
Three practices of courage:
Bring Heart to Your Courage
When we bring heart into a courageous conversation, we create psychological safety.
When we can link courage with heart, we make it easier to deliver our message and more likely to be heard and understood by another.
Bring Courage to Your Own Life
Set a goal that will deepen your capacity as a leader.
Something small, yet important in your daily routines. Hold yourself accountable, ask for feedback and support from your peers and have compassion for yourself when you go off the rails.
Count Your Courageous Acts
Spend the next ten days tracking small acts of courage and notice the impact those moments created for you and others. Chances are you’ll begin to notice what a difference a little more courage creates!
How might you practice courage while interacting with others?
Pam explores the courage to notice: (3:56 on YouTube)
Pamela McLean, PhD is a master coach, clinical and organizational psychologist, CEO and co-founder of the Hudson Institute on Coaching. Her latest book, Self as Coach, Self as Leader is available now.
Contact Pam:
LinkedIn: Pamela McLean, Ph.D.
Dan,
It is conincidental that you have this post today as there is something that has been bothering me that I need to address wiht my boss as a comment he made I felt was inaccurate and hurtful. While I knew that I needed to address, I needed to process everything before “going there”. My plan was to discuss with him today and this post reinforced the need for this to happen. He is usually a fair person but at times does not understand things on the financial side as he is more clinical.
thanks for the nudge!
Shari
Great Article! This is a daily challenge and I look forward to implementing more intentional growth being courageous.
Sometime we a did taking that “courage” step to avoid or lessen conflict. The adage “the truth hurts” rings true when we have to decide between courage over comfort.
Thanks so much for this! I am trying to improve my coaching skills and have been working through the book “Quiet Leadership”. This will be another resource for me. Also, I love your daily emails, I feel like I have learned so much! It is nice to have daily reminders about how to become a better leader.
Loved the “Count the Courage” idea! Will use with my kids and students!
Always love your ideas. I used some on my silent Auction team. We raised approximately $44,000 this year! 22% more than last. Gotta say it was empowering. Thanks,
Courage coupled with “discernment” is critical. Howie
If the situation permits, I find that it is helpful to present personal stories that relate to the topic of instruction. I’ve found that vulnerability is seen as being courageous and helps garner buy-in. When you are courageous with those you lead, it can help to break down some perceived barriers that are often placed between others.
If the situation permits, I find that it is helpful to present personal stories that relate to the topic of instruction. I’ve found that vulnerability is seen as being courageous and helps garner buy-in. When you are courageous with those you lead, it can help to break down some perceived barriers that are often placed between others.
Compassion for yourself seems toughest …
Courage is overriding that “comfort” zone.
Thanks for the article. Being courageous sounds easy but can be difficult in the workplace at times.
Thanks for the reminder to first notice the small things that don’t make sense need to be addressed and that I need to speak up. Fixing them when they are little is easier in the long run than pretending it isn’t that important.
Almost all my sins are those of omission rather than commission, my tendency to be a peace monger and avoid conflict has been the source of most of my leadership missteps. Looking forward to reading more from Dr. McLean.
Most of my sins have been those of omission rather than commission, being a peace monger and avoiding conflict has led to most of my leadership missteps over the years. Looking forward to learning more from Dr. McLean.
This care model means being honest and transparent. We need to show care for the team members, family and friends however that means being transparent and having the courage in sharing our observations and support to others. If the observation is given with out malice or ego it should always be received with open ears.
Love the post Thanks!
Very apropos blog today, in my opinion it’s the small things every day, courage, recognition, taking the time to say the important things, that make the difference. I have to make a conscious effort every day to have the uncomfortable conversation or even to speak up when I’m feeling intimidated (in my own mind). I always feel better about the situation when I do.
For me I have found that it is taking that first step and addressing the issue as a means to help the other person grow and understand why their action or words needed to be polished. It is hard to not personalize these things but it does get easier to do over time if you allow yourself that first step.
The need for courage was so perfectly expressed here. I have experienced this from both sides of the desk – in coaching my team and clients, to receiving feedback from leaders/mentors and an amazing executive coach. Looking forward to your book in my quest to get a little better every day!
I would love this book!
This is a great article and one that challenges or should challenge any leader along their journey.
I have also found it just as courageous, if not more at times, to know when to hold the tongue. Something might need to be said or acted upon but the timing needs to be right so that it does come from the heart and not just from reaction or emotion. The balance of heart and head is a tough one to find as a leader and a follower. There have been many a instance where I can jot a note down because the idea wouldn’t get heard due to the temperature of the room.
Courage is taking that step yes, but also knowing when not to take that step.
This was the topic in our sales/operations meeting yesterday. It’s so critical to be able bring up issues so that problems get solved rather than avoiding the conversation and not solving the problem.
Thanks for sharing!
Uncomfortable conversations are an important part of being a leader. Taking the time to point out what’s important makes a huge difference! Thanks!
I appreciate this blog. I lacked the courage to engage difficult conversations for many years. I rationalized that I did not want to hurt the other person. In reality, I was hesitant to make myself uncomfortable. It has become important to build up the courage to engage while also managing my anxiety enough to truly care for and listen to the other.
Needed this today. As I evaluate new opportunities vs. staying in a role I’ve filled for 15 years, there is a string pull toward comfort.
I find myself hesitating to be uncomfortable and courageous when speaking up agains very strong personalities. I’m exited to count small moments of courage to build my confidence in this area!
As an instructional coach, I find myself having courageous conversations often with colleagues. It’s not always easy, but necessary for all of us to establish reality, recognize a need for change, or to simply connect. I appreciate your insight and look forward to reading more about how to navigate these sometimes difficult conversations. They are the ones that often lead to the greatest understanding and growth. We can all benefit from that!!
Quoting: “Set a goal that will deepen your capacity as a leader.” it has been so transforming for me and continue to play a critical role in my life: Eighteen months or so ago, I set a goal to get exercise daily – primarily via an extended morning walk. It’s now a routine that I eagerly follow! Of course, there are the interruptions for appointments and weather, accepted of course but sadly … At times when walking (with our dog, Miss Molly with me – she looks forward to it as much as I do), I think about other things I could be doing; but the walk / exercise is so enjoyable, so important to me!
Transforming for sure! I’m eating better, feeling more healthy, have more energy for sure. But, much more importantly, it has triggered what I’m calling my Personal Servant Leadership: taking control of my life – seeking new challenges, readily addressing those ‘routine’ tasks needing attention, being alert to opportunities to help others when I’m able to do so, applying lifelong learning – as required at times but also as desired in satisfying a curiosity. Indeed, I’m sharing my thoughts on Personal Servant Leadership or PSL with others!
So important: Setting a goal. Successfully addressing it can be / WILL BE so transforming!!!
I needed this today! I have so much going on right now that is requiring me to summon courage, and this pointed reminder is well timed.
Thanks for another great post! So many times, it seems awaited to go with the comfortable response. However, it usually ends up creating more discomfort in the long run. We are all called to be peacemakers, facing conflict directly and finding solutions. Too many times we act as peacekeepers instead, sweeping things under the rug.
“When we bring heart into a courageous conversation we promote psychological safety” and build trust with others. This is a good reminder to do what a colleague and friend of mine says “get curious (with an open heart) not furious” to potentially see something about a situation that hadn’t been previously noticed. Thank you!
Three great suggestions to practice courage. I especially like bring heart to your courage as that will encourage me to listen and think about my response.
Thank you for showing me it’s ok to be courageous in coaching others especially when it comes to noticing patterns.
Yesterday I met with my entire leadership team and we talked about the roles we take at meetings – consciously and unconsciously, and how we can change our circumstances by changing self or serving others. Recognizing that this is not always a comfortable proposition, today’s blog dove tails nicely – the courage and heart to lead, even when it is hard. Thanks Dan!
“Three great suggestions to practice courage. I especially like bring heart to your courage as that will encourage me to listen and think about my response.” As the above reader mentions…. listening and response! Emotional Intelligence being utilized and eventually one will not be encouraged, it will just take place naturally because that is who they will have become.
“Choose courage over comfort.” Mantra for today!
Fantastic reflection here. Stepping out of comfort zones is the only way to growth. Summoning the courage to deal with situations in which you must ‘confront’ behaviors is very difficult. It’s much easier to place the responsibility on other to change their behavior rather than leading the change effort that may be needed. As you suggest, taking these on with ‘heart’ is the best way. Logic gets inserted also at some point, but heart must lead.
Thanks Dan!
Courage, taking that one extra step even when it is very uncomfortable to do so (assuming the discomfort is not from an ethical or legal basis).
The mindset I try to have in the uncomfortable moments of conversation is: “The mission is more important than my feelings of discomfort.” It is more important that I make sure the right things get said or done rather than that I feel comfortable.
Today’s blog is inspiring. I am opening a nurse practitioner clinic. In the world of medicine, nurse practitioner owned clinics are a new idea and seen by some physicians seen as a dumb idea. I have wanted to open my own clinic for the past 10 years and now just mustering up the courage to do so. My grand opening is in September and I am doing it! I am having to push forward with courage daily as I navigate through as a new business owner and new territory. Courage is essential is my world right now!
Congratulations!! I wish you success.
This resonated with me on not only a professional level but personally as well. There are many times I want to push it aside, exactly like you said, it’s not the right time. If not now, when .. that is my more important message to myself now. Framing up the conversation with curiosity instead of blame helps me to have the courage. It is a necessary evil to face life with courage, which also makes me vulnerable! I have become vulnerable to the reaction I might receive whether it is positive of negative, but at least I know I have been authentic! Thank you for posting today.. this ones a print job!
It’s often the small things that have the greatest impact. I’m excited to see how taking the challenge will increase my effectiveness as a leader.
This was so timely for me, as I’ve begun a “water-walk” journey – for the 3rd time in my adult life. Thank you for the words of affirmation!
Courage over Comfort… I Choose Courage!
Demonstrating courage is critical for a leader. I’ve always admired leaders who did what they believed was right, even when it didn’t seem to be at the time. Giving honest feedback in a way that doesn’t offend is one way a leader can demonstrate courage. Fir instance, a friend told me once that a good leader can step in your shoes without ruining the shine.
Track our small steps in courage – noticing the small gains propels me to keep moving forward. Courage seems to be a theme lately (across several platforms). Thank you!
Pam is a fantastic individual and coach. Her comments in this short video were outstanding. Courage is a very important attributed that leaders must use to drive their effectiveness and personal impact on others.
I have meet Pam personally during my coaching certification through the Hudson Institute. Paul
So apparently I needed to see this today.
Thank you
Leading a team is not about yourself – it is about the team, and the individuals who reside there. Just like you would go out of your way to make a guest comfortable in your house, even if it puts you in an uncomfortable position – so should it be with your team!
Courage is tough to muster sometimes, I find myself justifying not speaking up by de-valueing what I have to say, questioning if I am correct in my opinions, observations. I can remember numerous occasions when I thought I should have spoken up, I can’t recall any that I spoke up and wish I hadn’t.
The coaches I remember the best and respected the most as I played high school and college sports were those who didn’t shrink back to get on my case. Even as I look back over the past several years of life and work, the friends who spoke bold truth to me, and the trainers who challenged me to do more, and the bosses who spoke the “extra 10%” that I “needed to hear” all demonstrated great courage in leadership.
When I was younger I felt that what I was saying was common sense and the recipient already knew because it was so simple, so I would hold back. They would then proceed to do the “wrong” thing and I would kick myself over and over as it continued to happen and I idly stood by. I have found that when I lean into others they lean into me when they see care, trust, and honesty. It doesn’t happen all of the time, but those with ears to hear are extremely grateful for the wisdom and message given. This has given me the courage to be very frank and open with individuals who I know will be receptive… and also lead me to at least say something to others.
Comfort does feel good, however, comfort for too long leads to stagnation. We need courage to take risks and explore possibilities both as a team and as leaders.
Pam, your brief clip on the Leadership Freak blog focused on courage, but it’s only one of the six meta-skills included in your coaching model. It takes courage to provide honest feedback, so its appears to be a prerequisite to providing feedback in the first place! But as your model outlines, effective feedback is presented with presence, empathy, feelings, embodiment, and respect for boundaries. It looks like a great coaching prescription for a servant leader! I’d love to dig deeper with a copy of your book. All the best.
So timely. Paraphrased lyrics, “Oz never gave nothing to the Lion that the Lion didn’t already have.” Courage is within us all! Dig deep to find it and bring it to the forefront of our daily actions. I am working on getting my courage active and leaning in to create and live a life without regrets. Thanks for the words of encouragement!!!
Dan, you wrote, “Set a goal that will deepen your capacity as a leader. Something small, yet important in your daily routines.” Can you give an example? What might this be? Also as I thought on this topic, it seems courage is contagious. Courage in one inspires courage in others so it would be helpful to surround oneself with courageous people.
Thank you for today’s post. This is something I feel strongly about and am working to get better at. I’ve found that the best leaders I associate with are also the most courageous.
Pamela speaks the truth. Coaching is like being a sounding board in a safe environment to talk about ideas, aspirations, thoughts, and movements towards growth and development with insights and perspectives.
Wow! A close friend and I had a conversation this morning about something related to this topic. Imagine my surprise when I opened my email this morning and read this post! Very timely and insightful. Courage to lead from our hearts, while simultaneously making ourselves vulnerable, is something that can help us lead and grow in any setting with anyone. Thanks for the encouragement.
One thing that I’ve found that is a win-win is to empower the teams to show their own courage. We’ve seen so much growth professionally and even their confidence is drastically different after they’ve put themselves out there.
“When we bring heart into a courageous conversation, we create psychological safety.” is so very true and important in difficult discussions.
Excellent
It takes courage to confront the issues in the workplace. Both in others and in yourself. I think we ride a fine line of complacency because we fear that we will be offensive.
This is great, not only for work situations, but relationships in general. So often we avoid conversations because we are afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, or not being taken seriously. Especially if you have bad memories of that happening holding you back! Thanks for this!
Courageous conversations build trust between the two parties when done correctly. “Real” feedback opens your eyes to potential blind spots and is so valuable!
It is so easy to avoid those courage conversations…and yet those are the ones that occupy the most of our mental energy and cause us the most angst.
Looking forward to winning a copy of the book
I like the idea of practicing small acts of courage. I did it with my team yesterday and was so pleasantly surprised with the result!
Good refresher – and helpful in distinguishing between coaching and mentoring. Coaching helps people find the answers/way to what they want to (or can) accomplish. Mentoring provides direction based on experience for tactical changes. I have found at times that I’ve hesitated in providing coaching because “I knew” that the person didn’t want to be coached – or would be unwilling to take feedback. Those are the times that courage needs to win out. What someone does with feedback or coaching is up to them – it’s my job as a leader to provide it.
As a leader, it’s important to put yourself out there first and set the example. It takes courage to admit an error and as a leader, that step of being courageous and humble has been a key trait that I use in leading.
Courage over comfort. Sometimes it is hard to ask for feedback and hear it since many times my team thinks I come on too strong -like a bull in a china shop. This week I will think before I speak and temper my tone for my “audience”.
I would love this book
I find that courage balanced with “picking and choosing my battles” is a helpful combination. Specifically, I am balancing timing and stepping outside my lane in order to improve systemic processes, within a very “siloed” organization.
Great reminder of what being a leader is really about. I find myself challenged to be courageous in my current workplace as we are experiencing incredible change and ambiguity. Balancing my inner voice with realities. Its a tough place to be.
It could be just me or it could be my current circumstances but I find there is never comfort in leadership. Courage allows us to press on.
Great topic, and so timely — thanks Dan! Love this line — :Courage is an attribute that makes the difference between good and great.”
This article came at a great time for my family. I know the leadership freak is designed more for business professionals, but I find that I use a lot of the techniques and strategies for my day to day life as a father, coach and mentor. My 11 year old son came into an issue just last night where he could of used some extra courage with his classmates. I made him read the blog this morning. Thanks as always.
This was a great post to read today, thank you for the guest post. It was a great idea to follow this with the encouragement post from yesterday. Encouragement is important, but it takes courage to speak up and give it.
The courage I have comes from caring for the other individuals growth and development. If I don’t say it and they continue down their path it could hurt them. Not easy but they know I am looking out for them and their best interest.
I would enjoy reading this book to expand my understanding of coaching and courage. This will help others that I serve with also! Thanks Dan for the topic and for having Pam share with all of us.
Looks like a great book that I NEED to read!
As a recently single mother of two, I’ve struggled with finding time to build my capacity for opportunities. This post gave me some great insight into how I can begin to build that for myself again, thank you!
Thank you for this post. Sounds like a great book!
Can I just stop you and tell you my experience of this conversation. Wow! That is a powerful statement to make. If you can pull that off with someone you will certainly make closer bonds….Thank you!
Hi Dan,
I’m new to reading the blog and I really appreciate the post as it’s something I know I struggle with. I’ve learned that in order to take courageous action, I have to be willing to accept that the outcome may not turn out like I want it to. It’s challenging to step out of a comfort zone where outcomes are predictable, but confidence and a willingness to fail are two things I’m continuously working on.
I love these posts! Am currently hot with anger over another manager sending an angry accusatory group text to me and including my CEO. The manager apologized a day later but it’s hard to let go and upsetting he did not tell our CEO he was wrong in his anger towards me. Being courageous with heart will be me talking to this Manager directly and tell him how I feel but also what I want: change in his behavior. I appreciate he apologized but I hope he can stop doing this, as this isnt the first nor second time he has lost it and felt the need to publicly whip me only to come back and very quietly apologize to me.
Thank you for the post and I would certainly read your book!
Jen
Most courageous people don’t acknowledge courage as their motivating virtue, rather they report they did the right thing when they had to. Being present, truthful, and skilled in coaching your client takes courage to hold that space in which truth can be explored and revealed. Thank you Pam for being all the above… Still.
Great topic, courage is very important part of our lives. We need courage to make choices in life. To many of us like to play it safe in all that we do. We need to have courage to move forward to do great things. Inventors need to have courage to be wrong, people need to have courage to say they do not have all the answers, to say they are wrong. Courage is a large part of everyone’s life. Take courage to move forward with all that you do. Become the great person you were meant to be.
I never looked at it through the eyes of having the “courage” to take action. That alone gives me strength. Oh the power of words…….
Larry, that is a good point. It has happened to me too. The closer I am to God, the more likely I am to have the conviction to stand up.
My level of courage has grown as my spiritual faith has grown. As I have spoken up more frequently, I have been able to add more value to my organization. I am working on being more fearless to do what I am trained for. That includes challenging others in a positive way to help us all grow – no matter their level in the organization.
Courage is the key factor in coaching and leadership. Thank you Pam McLean for the great insights!
I have learned to be courageous after years of not. The reason that I wasn’t courageous was low self-esteem. I just thought that my ideas were probably wrong and I should suck it up and take it. Well, I was wrong about myself. Now that I have asserted my ideas, they are seen as an added value. I encourage people who feel similarly to stand up for themselves. Talk. Be kind and be courageous.
Thanks for the post…I have a sign above my desk…Have Courage and Be Kind.
Excellent post! I find that I want to practice courage in the moment but find that I do not have the words to say until AFTER the moment has passed. It is in these situations that I find myself frustrated over the missed opportunity. Something for me to continue to work on – thank you.
Having Courage is great and will take you from good to great. The issue most of us have is personal and business acumen. We don’t know how to say things to people from our hearts very well or the other person will prejudge our agenda.
So true Dan. To grow we need to be prepared to be uncomfortable. Too many leaders don’t get the best out of people for fear of having the hard conversations. It’s amazing what magic can happen when you are prepared to challenge yourself and others.
I love the idea of tracking ten days worth of examples where we make earnest attempts to be courageous. Any time we track our own progress, positive gains are made. Who would think to track such a thing as those instances where we show courage? Fantastic.
Thank you!
I believe that courage should be a daily habit. Whether it is facing your own challenges, stepping up to help a neighbor or through volunteering. Courage doesn’t take only grand actions it is shown as w well through overcoming the daily difficulties in pr lives and others.
Wow! There have been so many times that I have been guilty of brushing off an important conversation for the many reasons listed above, it’s uncomfortable, I don’t want to ruffle feathers or make things more difficult for myself or others, fear of the outcome etc; but by doing that, shying away from an opportunit, I haven’t done my due diligence to have those couragous and authentic conversations. What a fantasic read to get my day started.
Thank you!
These are principles I need to practise. I will need to make a conscious effort. Thank you, Ma’am!
Great work
Courage over comfort it’s hard to do. Some leaders do not want to know their blind spots. These are hard conversations to have. In order to be an effective coach, One would look for opportunities to have these courageous conversations.
Fantastic idea to track our courageous efforts for 10 days. Love this daily blog! Thank you!
Being courageous often means you will make enemies. But I’d rather make enemies of people who weren’t worth beinn anything else than make myself an enemy of myself!
Thank you for the reminder. Being a leader comes with many challenges being courageous shouldn’t be one.
Your article resonates with me. I’m in the Advanced Technical Leadership Program where I work. A key component consists of stretch assignments. If I’m uncomfortable, that means I stretched myself beyond my comfort zone. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for this- it is timely!
Getting out of my comfort zone has been proven (in my life, at least) to be one of my greatest teachers.
Excellent topic….very important to be an excellent leader. Reflection is a huge part of growing both professionally and personally.
Great opportunity for self-reflection, and the process of using small steps on a daily basis is an excellent foundation for new, better habits. Thank you!
I love how choosing to be courageously vulnerable creates psychological safety.
I usually don’t have a problem sharing my feelings with people. When it comes to a peer writing an accusing email instead of making time to meet face to face I have a harder time showing my courage. The email I’m referencing came Tuesday. I opened it and immediately was shocked at what I was reading. The accusation that I would deliberately sabotage this person’s work and then to boot be accused of changing setting on the documents so only I could edit them.
After saying some not so nice choice words I responded to the email. I very mater of factly told her all that occurred was I moved the files she created to a general folder, that I labeled the subject of the documents, so they would be in one place for all of the people that will be using them can find them. I made no changes to anything else. I sent it waiting to see the response.
She responded and stated that she’d had I.T. work on the files all day and they changed the settings to meet her needs. She then said thank you for the clarification which really means nothing in my opinion. She didn’t say who made the initial setting changes nor did she apologize for accusing me. It makes me think she wrote the email so she could be accusatory. I understand being upset that the settings had changed but I would never accuse my peer, who’d initially created several of the documents she’s now using, or sabotage.
“When we can link courage with heart, we make it easier to deliver our message and more likely to be heard and understood by another.” This quote from your book spoke to me as this is something I try to do when conveying a feeling, problem, or even a positive thought. Thank you so much for putting into words what I try and practice. In an email, like above, it was hard for me to link courage with heart as words on a page do not show the emotion that a face to face does.
It had taken me a long time, and 3 attorneys, to find the courage to accept that only I know how to litigate my own divorce and to start a career that he did not approve of, which is not the usual way for these matters. It is because even though I don’t want to do this, I am the only one who can tell the story with heart, truth, and a law degree, the only path to justice, and I hope inspiration to other battered women who must go it alone against the goliath of an abusive husband and his big law firm. I plan to write about it after the divorce decree is issued in the new york law journal.