7 Rules for Giving Feedback to the Boss and Surviving to Tell About It
Few things in organizational life are more dangerous than speaking truth to power. But isolated leaders become arrogant, indulgent, and authoritarian.
Incompetent leaders count on reluctance to maintain their position and power.
As long as you don’t bring up inconsistencies, advocate for contrarian ideas, or provide tough feedback, positional leaders thrive.
“Going through channels,” creates protective cocoons that shield leaders from the real world. What happens when your boss sees you talking to her boss, for example?
Reluctance to speak the truth protects incompetence.
7 rules for giving feedback to the boss:
#1. Pet the tiger.
It doesn’t end well when you poke the tiger with a sharp stick. Respect, appreciation, honor, and alignment are tiger-petting strategies that serve everyone well.
#2. Bring heart.
Who you are speaks louder than what you say.
Don’t brag about being a straight shooter until you display a tender heart. A bully is a straight shooter who stands aloof.
Before you shoot straight ask:
- How have I shown respect to the recipient of my straight shooting?
- What have I done to support the person I plan to speak with? (Note “with” not “at”.)
Arrogance invites resistance. Heart lowers barriers.
#3. Be known for rowing-with, not sideways or against.
An arrogant self-serving employee hasn’t earned the right to be heard.
#4. Speak for yourself, not others.
Never say, “Everyone thinks…,” when giving feedback. Own it. “I think.” Or, “I notice.”
#5. ALWAYS seek the best interest of others.
Never place personal interest ahead of your boss or team. What’s good for the team IS good for you.
If your feedback is just about making YOUR life better, keep it to yourself.
#6. Understand, embrace, and model organizational vision, mission, and values.
#7. Row-with when input is rejected or modified.
What you do – when you don’t get what you want – tells everyone who you are.
What suggestions do you have for giving constructive feedback to the boss?
Bonus material:
How to Give Constructive Feedback to a Toxic Boss (Entrepreneur)
Go Ahead, Give Your Boss a Piece of Your Mind… (Fast Company)
How to Give Your Boss Feedback (HBR)
…very sage guidance. Thank you!
Thank you Gerry. Now if we can just apply it. 🙂
Honesty is always the best policy; however, delivery is everything.
Thanks Crystal. You remind me of something Bob Burg wrote. “Those who take pride in being “brutally honest” are typically more interested in being brutal than they are in being honest.”
Yes, kindness and honesty don’t have to fight each other.
#3. Bring heart. So who teaches one to have “heart” or do you have it or not? I firmly believe you learn “heart” by seeing it in action in others. The question is can you recognize it and then implement it yourself. That has at least been my experience going back to my Grandparents.
Thanks Roger. Your insight is powerful. We learn to love by being loved. There are people in our lives that teach us to have heart because they have heart.
Perhaps one opportunity of leadership is modeling heart.
Great post and comments. I would add, that when you have done “all of the above” and arrive at Rule #7, don’t forget or abandon your “input” (idea, suggestion, etc.). For one difficult boss I had, timing was everything. He might summarily reject my input one day, and then a couple of weeks later he would call on the phone or show up at my office asking, “What was that thing you were talking to me about, concerning _____?” I had to learn to keep refining, keep planning, and keep my “file” of rejected ideas active within my own realm and be ready with them should the boss “come around.”
Thanks Jim. Awesome. Don’t give up. People live on their own timetable, not ours. You make me think about the UNglamorous quality of patience.
Thanks for your story.
Some bosses manage and some have to be managed. Have work for 2 who had egos so big you had to make everything about them and every idea had to be theirs. I am ok with that as long as my teams gets what it needs. Of course if it goes bad all at once it was my idea and he said we never talked about.
Nice Dan. I think for point five the danger is (as I have done) that you try to speak for others (per one of your point 3’s :)) when you need to leave the fact it is in the teams interest of the table.if the point isn’t strong enough to clearly benefit the team without stating so, then it probably isn’t /doesn’t.
Hey Richard. Great seeing you here. It’s often a fiasco when we speak for others. I’ve done it and it often ends badly. Ugh!! Why do we let ourselves get into those situations?
Hi Dan, in my case it’s the virus called OSSI –
Overinflated sense of self importance.
Great article! While we like to say we’ve created a culture of 360 degree feedback, it still feels awkward to “coach” your leader. I’ve learned the hard way to never used the world “We all…” or “Everyone…”. Sticking to your own personal experiences allows you to pinpoint the exact feedback you want to provide. It also helps prevent exaggeration. I’ve found these conversations tend to strengthen the relationship and allow honest dialogue without the fear of retaliation or remorse. They also open the door for future conversations and follow up.
The title! Great work Dan. “Incompetent leaders count on reluctance to maintain their position and power.” You could stop right there and that said enough, but you didn’t. Instead, you provided 7 great ideas on offering feedback. Thanks.
Hi dan, I agree with the comments in the blog. I have come across situations when the manager uses the position and communication channel to control the outcome. If it’s a great idea it becomes their idea, if terrible then they publicly ridicules. The type of leader that makes the team not want to assist because, frankly, they are an ass.
Always a challenge to decide if you do try to assist for the benefit of the team/company. A clear decision if you’re engaged, and a slightly less clear one if you’re actively disengaged.
Thanks for the timely reminder.
Rob
One of the best posts this month…..
From my perspective there really is not any repercussions that can come from telling my boss how I feel. I mean, so long as I am not threatening in any manner. I am a union represented worker and it is very rare that telling your boss how you feel is a punishable offence, but I do understand how staff employees might fear having a personal vendetta develop against them because they wanted to be the squeaky wheel. However, even with that layer of protection I still find workers apprehensive about speaking up to their bosses. I hear that many feel like it does no good or they feel like if they speak up too much about things that managers feel powerless or unwilling to fix they will stop listening to them altogether. In this case workers tend to gradually report back less and less. Although, there are a few fearless souls out there that have no issue (might even enjoy) telling their bosses what is up. In one of the articles you shared it reads, “Self-assess to determine your role in the problem”. I think that is probably all of our biggest flaws in approaching others with our problems. I think we would all feel more secure in presenting a problem or critique to our bosses if we could place ourselves in the problem and define our role because that eliminate our fear of alienating the boss to the point that he or she feels resentful.