How to Receive Feedback
The most important thing about feedback is the way it’s received.
How to receive feedback:
#1. Aspire to improve.
Aspiration makes feedback desirable. “Tell me how to improve.”
Poorly delivered feedback is useful to highly motivated people.
If Tom Brady’s coach points out a problem with his passing technique, Brady will thank him. It doesn’t matter if the coach smiles.
You can’t resist feedback and aspire to improve.
It’s nice if someone is polite when giving feedback, but the real question is will it help you move the ball forward.
Note: Bill Belichick doesn’t have to play football better than Tom Brady to be an effective coach. Coaching is a skill of its own.
#2. Believe you’re able to improve.
Helplessness resents feedback.
Explore specific actions that create momentum when receiving feedback. “What suggestions do you have that would move the ball forward?”
#3. Separate performance from self.
You aren’t your performance.
It stings to hear, “Your meetings are boring,” but that’s what you do, not who you are.
#4. Assume good intentions.
The person giving feedback is your friend, even if they’re rude.
#5. Set aside your good intentions.
You didn’t wake up intending to screw up.
Those who already know can’t grow.
Whisper in your own ear, “Maybe I’ll learn something.”
#6. Seek specifics.
“Your meetings are boring,” is useless.
What are you doing/not doing that causes boredom?
Useful feedback: “There were 10 people at the table, and you talked 60% of the time. How might participation by others increase?”
#7. Don’t make excuses.
Sentences that begin with, “That’s because,” end with excuses.
7 quick tips:
- Breathe.
- Lean in.
- Ask questions.
- Focus on behaviors.
- Look forward more than backward.
- Ask for examples.
- Say, “Thank you. Tell me more.”
Feedback comes from someone who sees something you don’t.
How might leaders receive feedback?
What if the feedback is wrong?
Bonus material:
How to Receive Feedback (HBR)
6 Tips for Taking Feedback Well (Radical Candor)
How to Receive Feedback and Criticism (Forbes)
When I intentionally and slowly lean in and softly say “tell me more” — I feel vulnerability with safe boundaries. There will be the occasional jerk that sees my actions as blood in the water; those times cannot keep me from leaning in the next time. I have learned much from leaning in and saying “tell me more”. Good post, Dan
Thanks Scott. You’re so right. Some might see openness as weakness or opportunity to attack. But we can’t let idiots run our lives.
Your expression “vulnerability with safe boundaries,” speaks to me.
Thank you! I am not my performance. So important to remember. My identity is found elsewhere. In the imago dei for example.
Thanks Peter. It helps to remind ourselves of this. Let’s face it, it’s easy to define ourselves by our performance.
Another great one! Feedback is such a precious gift.
Thanks Glen! Enjoy the journey. 🙂
I know of one leader in my organization that loves to give unsolicited feedback, but when I provide them feedback, they act as if I poured salt on a wound. They find the feedback hurtful and somewhat offensive since they feel their work/efforts are untouchable. They are great with staff and they work well in group settings, but when individualizing the work, they tend to make excuses or ignore feedback that is provided.
Leaders should be open to all feedback as it helps improve the individual and assures other individuals their feedback is valued. If the feedback is wrong or ill-advised, the one receiving the feedback should work with the person providing the feedback to help them understand the situation they are assessing. I’ve been in that position before, where I was working with an seasoned leader and without understanding the whole situation, they gently corrected me. It was a great learning experience.