Lessons in Connecting from a Black Bear Encounter
I kept bees for a few years but gave up after the bears found them. Occasionally I sat beside the hive just to watch them work. One summer day, while working the hive, I looked up to see a black bear walking toward me.
Adult black bears usually weigh around 200 pounds. Some weigh up to 600 or more pounds and occasionally individuals weigh up to 900 pounds. “My” bear was definitely a 900 pounder!
Bear fact: Bears look larger when they’re moving toward you.
Black bear etiquette:
When you encounter a black bear, the Pennsylvania Game Commission suggests:
- Make some noise.
- Back away while facing the bear.
- Stay calm.
I forgot ALL bear etiquette and bolted. The reason you don’t run is black bears can run up to 35 miles per hour.
I found the courage to look over my shoulder after about 100 yards. “My” bear was running in the opposite direction. She was as scared of me as I was of her.
I was relieved that my furry visitor didn’t want to connect.
Fear, anxiety, and stress prevent connection.
Connecting:
Connection is the fundamental ingredient of leadership success. (Mintzberg)
You can’t lead teams when they’re running from you.
Connect by answering fear.
- Do you like me?
- Do you seek my best interests? (Are you willing to harm me in order to serve personal interests?)
- Will you respect my talent, progress, and achievement?
- Will you speak the truth with kindness, even if it’s difficult to say?
- Will you stand with me?
Empathy enables connection.
Empathy conversation starters:
- I wonder if you’re feeling ________? (Frustrated, anxious, worried, upset.)
- This must feel _________ for you? Am I getting this right?
- How _______ is this for you? (Insert emotion.)
- How could I help?
How might leaders answer fear and anxiety in team members?
Bonus:
11 Highly Effective Ways to Connect with Employees (CNBC)
Empathy is often like the pendulum in successful management communication: some management err by letting empathy swing to one extreme where it rules their decisions, while others let it swing to the total opposite extreme where they refuse to consider it all. There is a reasonable middle ground where empathy is a factor, but not the only factor.
P.S. Dan, I’m glad you encountered a kindred spirit in that bear! 🙂
Thanks Mary Ellen. You’re so right. We tend to swing. One extreme is too passive and the other is dominant.
Empathy, when expressed well, strengthens connection and enables forward movement.
Yes, I’m glad he was as scared of me as I was of him.
Most of the time, leadership seems less about dealing with the bear than making sure you’re just a bit quicker than the next-slowest person when the bear is chasing you…
First rule of Bears; You only have to run faster than the other guy. So take that to work and life, and figure out what faster is in any encounter and than adjust and move forward.
How might leaders answer fear and anxiety in team members? .. a smile and approachable tone are always helpful, even something humorous. Remembering we CAN’T be the Bear and hope to connect.
Dan – not long ago, my husband encountered a bear when it fell out of his tree stand in Northeastern Pennsylvania. My husband, only armed with an umbrella, and the bear, shaken by the fall, also took a practical approach to fear (whether in the woods or the office): Go your separate ways quickly and take time to regroup calmly!
Thanks Mich. I can imagine that both parties were pretty shocked. I’m glad you shared your husband’s story.
I like that you linked us to your old post about Mitzberg’s rejection of macro-leadership. I agree wholeheartedly that leaders need to visit the frontline regularly to understand its needs. Sometimes we get caught up with leadership theory and the importance of developing and maintaining strategic management goals, we often forget for whom those goals are to benefit. Customers, stakeholders, and employees are all affected by such goal setting. If we remain preoccupied with one group over another, or worse, preoccupied with intangible concepts we may be setting ourselves up for failure. Any student of leadership development probably has a fear of becoming a micro-manager, and sometimes that might steer him to becoming out of touch. I think the goal, as with everything, is to find that balance. So, how do we create that balance? This post here explains one of the best ways to connect with the frontline without becoming a micro-manager. We can answer our employees’ questions and/or inquire about their wants and needs. You ask, “how might leaders answer fear and anxiety in team members?” One example I know that works from experience is holding a group meeting with your frontline once a week to answer all their concerns and questions. The idea, though, is to make the meeting about them and make sure they know it. Make sure the frontline know that it is their forum, and eventually they will get over the fear and anxiety they may have had before from speaking up.