Most people want to do good, but a few enjoy doing bad. If you’ve been thrown under the bus, you know what I mean.
Skillful backstabbers feign friendship, but they live on the fringes of social protocol.
The heart of a backstabber:
- A deep need to win might result in helping others fail.
- Unwillingness to acknowledge weakness might cause mask wearing and knife wielding.
- Refusing to admit mistakes or failures might end with throwing someone else under the bus.
- Inordinate desire for personal advancement might produce under-the-bus-throwing motivation.
10 Ways to Deal with Two-Faced Backstabbers
#1. Communicate quickly.
Backstabbers use delay as an opportunity to spread toxicity.
When something goes wrong, bring it up with forward-facing curiosity.
Address confusion as soon as you notice it.
Clarity eliminates opportunity for backstabbers to spread infection.
#2. Communicate publicly.
When decisions are made with the team, don’t allow someone to change the decision in private.
#3. Send follow-up emails. “I’m just following up on our recent conversation.
It’s my understanding that:
- We are working to achieve…
- My contribution is…
- Your contribution is…
- We’ll follow up on…”
#4. Include others. Avoid one-on-ones. Have two-on-ones.
#5. Speak with positive intention. What good are you working to achieve?
#6. Avoid defensiveness. Embrace your strengths.
#7. Control your own behavior and reputation. Don’t sabotage yourself by acting below your best.
#8. Don’t expect backstabbers to apologize or feel remorse.
Backstabbers enjoy throwing people under the bus. Any apology is meant to disarm you so they can twist the blade.
#9. Assign backstabbers to work with other backstabbers.
#10. Don’t try to convince higher-ups that a two-faced colleague is a backstabber.
Successful backstabbers know how to pull the wool over people’s eyes. The whole point of being two-faced is to curry favor with one person while stabbing another.
How might leaders deal with backstabbers?
How might leaders spot two-faced backstabbers?