The Power of Mother-Leader
I’ve been asking people to complete this sentence. “My mom is reflected in my life when I ….” (You can add a bit of explanation.)
If leadership is influence, mother is the first leader most meet.
I know mom is an important influence because there’s deep emotion when people reflect on their mothers. Often there’s joy. A few people don’t want to talk about their mothers.
It doesn’t matter if you love mom or push her out of memory. Mom is a powerful influence.
The power of mother-leadership:
Admiration:
If you don’t admire mom, you wish you could. Admiration is an open door.
A good word from someone you admire does more good. A hurtful word does more harm.
Admiration multiplies your power to help or harm.
Admiration is power.
Example:
“Study finds that mothers determine chimps’ lifelong grooming behavior.” (Harvard Gazette)
Mom is in your life even if you wish she weren’t. You strive to follow her example or you aspire to live otherwise. But, she’s there. Even an absent mom is present.
Example is more powerful than words.
A boss might encourage you to take time off, but if she always comes early and stays late, you’ll follow her example. Or you worry about not following it.
Example is often unquestioned when it’s the behavior of someone we highly regard. If you do something a certain way, the people who admire you often follow your example.
Lessons in leadership from mom:
#1. People would love to admire you. We love having someone to look up to.
#2. Admiration is opportunity. Seeking admiration is obvious and preposterous. But if people admire you, serve them humbly.
How would you complete the sentence, “My mom is reflected in my life when I ….”
How are motherhood and leadership connected?
Bonus material:
How a Mother’s Love Changes a Child’s Brain (Live Science)
My mom is reflected in my life when I …. quote her. “You can get better or bitter and the difference is “I”. “Life isn’t fair … so what are YOU going to do?” “You can complain about it or do something about it. Which is it?” I find myself saying the same things to my kids.
Thanks Duane. Your comment brings a smile to my face. Plus, I’ve never heard the better-bitter quote put so clearly.
Dan very interesting concept. I have been attempting to sour the breast milk for my non-productive students and they still hang on. Amazing.
Thanks for being a source of great information.
Thanks Elaine. Fascinating. I have a feeling I’m going to be smiling a lot today.
You out did yourself with this one. Such a powerful comparison. You actually brought tears to my eyes this morning, thinking about my mother’s influence on my professional and personal success. You are a master of words. Thank you!
Thank you Donna. Be well.
My mother never worked on admiration. Shouting orders and administering slaps to the head was more her pace.
Thanks Mitch. Did it help?
Hasn’t worked so well for me! 😀
I would say it has ! by not doing(to others) what she did to you ? Think about it.. mom does that with your welfare in mind..
My Mom is reflected in my life when I am no-nonsense and meticulous. When I just do what has to be done and do it right. (And thanks, I never thought about this until now–it’s something I have a little bit of that I don’t always realize I’m tapping into.) She was a nurse-midwife training in Scotland in the 1950s, pushing herself to get somewhere, later a traveling nurse making her way to the U.S. So it makes sense.
Thanks Kate. That’s great. It’s so good to see your mom in your life.
Dan my mother, Dot, enlisted in WWII, trained pilots on aircraft identification, left the service as a Staff Sergeant and told me whatever people skills I have. And, like the old song, also taught me right from wrong that’s a lot to learn. Great post, Brad
Thanks Brad. Your mom had some big shoes! 🙂
Agree. Where my mother is, it is a “house”.
Thanks Fyza.
My mom is reflected in my life when I show humility. My mom is one of the most humble people I know of. She really had no idea how many and how much people admire her. I believe humility is one of the two most important leadership qualities and am thankful to her for modeling it. (The other is genuinely valuing other perspectives / opinions) which is closely related to humility in my view.) Thanks for the post. Jerry
Thanks Jerry. What I love about your comment is your acknowledgement that you exhibit some measure of humility. Thanks for joining the conversation.
I am so proud to be a “mother leader” to my own children and to the hundreds of students I have loved and led as a teacher and a school principal. A school board member once said to me, “You’re the mother of this school, aren’t you?” I was touched that he recognized that this was my approach to my work. . . I have loved being a mother and an educator. It’s the honor of my life. I love this comparison. Thank you so much.
Hi Janet. It’s so freeing and enabling to know who we are. Best wishes
I just realized reading your post – my mother was a get on and do it, person. I never thought about where that came from and now I recognize that in myself. It wasn’t until she was dying I really understood her bravery in the face of adversity. I always thought I took after my father. He taught me humility – she gave me courage.
Thank you for the insight Dan – I really appreciate it. This was hard to think about.
Thanks for sharing your story Carolyn. Isn’t it wonderful to learn something new about yourself? It sounds like you had two great examples.
My mother is reflected in my life when I accept people for who they are, their gifts and what they struggle with in life.
Thanks Robyn. What a great expression of her influence!
There are many varieties of Moms out there. Just like leaders, mothers are not always perfect and no one way, is right or wrong. What we take and learn from our mothers, good or bad, is up to us at the end of the day. I did not have the greatest relationship with my mom growing up, however, I took slices of what she did and grew from them, helping me develop into who I am today. My mom is reflected in most everything I do. I indirectly learned independence and to trust cautiously. She showed me perseverance and taught me to maintain strength to never give up or give in. Hard work and dedication will lead to eventual success.
A mother can be the best leader in one’s life, regardless of who our mothers are. With the craziness of children as well as normal day to day activities, it is essential to be able to adjust and respond appropriately in stressful situations. Prioritizing and maintaining focus are also great skills many mothers possess, all of which are great attributes to have in the workplace. If leaders were to dedicate the attention and support to their teams that a mother dedicates to her children, there may be an increase in growth and success of that team.
Thanks Sarah. If we took time to reflect, I think we would be surprised at how much we reflect our parents – or the people who brought us up.
My mom is reflected in my life when I…show hospitality to those who come across my path, treating and serving strangers and friends alike (in words and deeds).
Wow… that’s a great quality. Thanks, CaroK.
This was an incredibly powerful and profound post. A leader in any aspect that has the admiration of his/her followers is a great marker of a good leader. Mothers teach us so much, as you have pointed out, chimps learn their lifelong grooming habits from their mothers, while we may take away some different habits form our mothers there us no question that these are lifelong. I know for sure that my mother has shaped my work ethic. Not only has she instilled a good work ethic in me as a child, encouraging me in my schoolwork, she also was my first boss at my first job. From this I learned what was expected in the workplace, and what kind of work to put forth. My mother is a very hard-working person, starting from nothing and building up quite the business. Many of her employees have a deep sense of admiration for her and have worked for her for decades now. I would like to think that this should be a standard of leadership in the world of business that should be strived for amongst leaders. Having leadership like that enables success, for not just the leader but also the followers.
Thanks Emma. Your story is a powerful illustration of the power of example. I wish you well as you exhibit the qualities of your mom.
Wow, what a great post Dan. I really enjoyed reading the responses and taking the time to reflect on your question. As I grow older, I am more aware of the qualities in myself that came from both of my parents. Some I am proud of and others not so much. It is amazing how much we inherit from them without any conscience effort. I know my mother is reflected in me in many ways, but I have never really thought about how specifically until reading this post. To answer your question, my mom is reflected in my life when I persevere and when I accept people for who they are.
I know most moms are special, but I believe mine to be extra special. My mom is a paraplegic from an armed robbery and has been wheelchair bound my whole life. She taught me to accept others even if they were not the same as me, because she was different too. Whenever I felt like I could not accomplish a goal or was feeling down about whatever life threw my way, her famous saying was, “If life was too hard, you would not be here.” She is my motivation to be successful personally and professionally. If she can make it through all she has, so can I.
Thanks Megan. What a powerful story. I love the quote. Your mom successfully navigated the unfairness in life!! Very encouraging.
This has me thinking about the bosses I’ve had and how my mom was definitely my first boss. Admiration certainly isn’t blanket and can be circumstantial when reflecting on the same person, just from a different viewpoint. In many ways, she showed/shows me how not to lead. Micromanaging, quick to criticize, lacking in praise, and ill-placed emotionality shows me how to be a poor leader.
What I learned was actually great management skills instead. She’s highly organized and mindblowingly resourceful. I don’t admire how she lacks in articulate reasoning or discourages thinking or doing outside what’s comfortable. I do admire, however, how she will jump to your aid if she knows she has a solution. I’ve not come across another person who knows more about the ins and outs of anything to do with a document. Court systems, taxes, bookkeeping, law….and tons of things I don’t know the name for. Need to know how to register your business, transfer a deed, anything with loans, wills, federal or state programs? She’ll likely know how to do most of if off the top of her head, and know exactly where to look if she’s missing pieces to the puzzle. She’s fantastic at absorbing information and using it. Not the best at delegating or instructing, but will offer up her skills in a heartbeat.
Being a leader is akin to being a mentor in that you’re not meant to just do for others; you are meant to show them how to do for themselves. To be fair, I am also very resourceful and tend to absorb all of the ho-to’s without much effort. That may have come from observations or it may be a natural pension. This is to say, I learned how to be a leader/mentor in a what-not-to-do sort of fashion. With my children (9 & 13), I’ve taken great pride in seeing how they have figured out their own means to the same ends, no micromanaging needed.
Thanks Chloe. It sounds like you aren’t an over-protective mom. Navigating the tension between support and challenge is one of leadership’s most important and difficult challenges.
As you mentioned, many admire mom and for those who don’t wish they could. Luckily, I was able to see the power of not only my mother, but my grandmother and great grandmother as well. Growing up with three generations of women in a different cultural setting (Japan) allowed me to see differences in leadership amongst my family members. My great grandmother was the primary caretaker in the household while my grandmother and mother ran the family business day and night. Although each woman had their own methods of raising children, I admire all three in different ways and their perspectives have helped me turn into who I am today. It’s interesting as my mother would always tell me the ways she learned to cope with us (her two insane children) was based on how her own mother raised her. She also would acknowledge the cultural differences between Japan and the U.S. and taught me how to adjust after moving to America.
Despite the fact that I gave my mother quite a stressful time throughout my teenage years, her patience and methods of raising two children guided me to understand everything mothers do. Many will say that their mother is the best and I’m happily one of those individuals. Without the leadership of my mother, who knows where I’d be! I thank my mother for my patience, ability to connect with others through empathy, and humility. I can only hope to be half the woman my mother is.
Thanks Misa. I must say that I feel your admiration and aspiration. You also remind me that success is about the team. Each person has a role. We compensate for each other’s weaknesses.
My mother was a workhorse raising six kids alone. She is long gone and at 60 years old, I’m not holding her responsible for anything but the good I’ve made in my life. I am also a mother of two and a grandmother of three; I hope my children look back after I’ve passed and credit me the same way. I am just so proud of them and how they turned out in spite of any obstacles they had to overcome. God bless all mothers and grandmothers; we are just doing the best we can with what we have. Our innate love for our children and grandchildren is what drives us forward, and whatever kind of leadership results from that, it’s all circumstantial. Finally, as the middle child of six, I believe family order has more to do with leadership than anything. After your Mother’s Day article, why don’t you research that for a National Sibling Day piece.
My mom is reflected in my life when I became a mother myself. Having this tiny creature constantly watch and learn from me has been uniquely eye opening. I have held leadership positions in the past in school and in my career, but this type of leadership has been the most daunting. Am I doing right? Will she grow up to be kind? At work, my concerns ebb and flow depending on the project. Sure, maybe some people look up to me, but for the most part I am keeping the schedule on track and maintaining organization. At home, every minute feels like an opportunity to have her grow and learn, which quite frankly is exhausting. Being thrown into the role of mom while also being back in school to obtain a graduate degree has made me realize how much time, self-care, and career growth my own mother sacrificed by being a stay at home mom. But her guidance and leadership allowed me to feel confident enough to both be a mom and have a career.
Admiration truly is power, and while it is easy to push things like childish admiration of a mother aside, it is the building block for confidence and long-lasting relationships. I never seek to be admired in the workplace, but the admiration I observe from my daughter has shone a light on the increased admiration I have for my own mom now that we have this relatable experience. It is something to keep in mind when returning to work.
Motherhood is a potent example of leadership. Women are honored to be able to experience motherhood, and aside from the gender roles, motherhood aligns in many ways with leadership. The matriarch of a family is often looked at for words of advice, wisdom, and for the last and final say. This can be seen in my nurse job, when a matriarch of a southern family is hospitalized, the family unit outside of the hospital is severely disrupted. Family members still want to visit “grandma” every day, bring her food, and watch Sunday Football with her.
The level of respect and admiration that a matriarch receives does not occur naturally. It can take decades of hard work and sleepless nights to earn the title. This is similar to being a successful leader, as this title is not a given but gained. Motherhood and leadership share specific qualities, such as flexibility, openness, confidence, and dedication. My own mother didn’t earn many accolades for her time spent as a mother, but I have learned from her mistakes, which is a value in its own. Mother’s Day used to give me much resentment for children with present mothers, but now I look forward to the day I have children and become a source of leadership to future generations.
May 8
My mom is reflected in my life when I express my unconditional love to my children and family time and time again.
I am totally blessed to be a mother of three thriving active and intelligent kids. They are my proudest accomplishment today. As much energy and time that I have put into each of them, they have given me back all that and some more in return. By each of them striving for excellence in their academic achievements, volunteering in the community and just being good kids. I never knew how hard it was going to be to juggle the multiple schedules, assignments and engagements for each child. Not to mention the personality changes that you endure from each child as they grow into young adults.
But I am also blessed to have had a mother that showed me by example what love looked like. She was always there for each of us (I am one of four). I admired how she showed her unconditional love to each of us by being supportive, having an active listener to all of our concerns and giving her time with each of us.
Yes, being a mother has shown me alot. You must take on leadership traits to be the best mom you choose to be. Being the leader of my tribe, setting the tone for my household, showing your kids who to depend on when in need, being everything to each kid at any given time is what a Mother’s love is. That is something to be admired!
I thoroughly enjoy your posts, and today is no exception. My mother burned my love for her out of me long ago with her unrepentant behaviors. She taught me clearly how not to make people feel, and that serves me well as a leader every single day.