How to Show Up During Emotional Turmoil
Stressful times create emotional turmoil.
Emotional conflict on the team always hurts and often harms.
Leadership includes managing emotion, both your own and others’.
How to Show Up During Emotional Turmoil:
#1. Always show up to serve the best interest of everyone.
Emotional turmoil is fertile ground for misunderstanding, anger, attack, defensiveness, resentment, backstabbing, and more. People are tempted to claim the high ground, serve themselves, and disadvantage others.
Never disadvantage anyone on your team, ever.
Always work for the advantage of everyone on your team, without exception!
Rise above the sandbox.
Mommy asks, “Why did you hit your sister?”
Tommy cries, “She hit me first.”
- If someone backstabs you, you aren’t free to backstab them, ever.
- If someone lies to you, you aren’t free to shade the truth for personal advantage, ever.
- If someone doesn’t like you, you don’t have permission to disadvantage them, ever.
Serving others isn’t about who is good enough to be served.
What possible reason would you give to serve the worst interest of anyone?
Serving others is about your heart, not how worthy others are.
The color always splashes on you when you paint someone with the unworthy brush.
What if:
At this point you might wonder, “What if someone lies, steals, or causes harm?” How do you serve their advantage?
- Confront with kindness and compassion. You serve people well when they see their wrong.
- Protect the innocent. Don’t let child molesters work in daycare, for example.
- Bring consequences for actions. It’s always good for for people to take responsibility for their actions.
Serving the best interest of others might include negative consequences. (But – when appropriate – don’t rush to the whip.)
Pride:
Serve in ways that would make you proud if your attitude and actions were printed in the newspaper, especially during emotional turmoil.
Stay tuned for more…
How would you like to show up during emotional turmoil?
What should you avoid during emotional turmoil?
Bonus material:
Dealing with the Emotional Aspects of Conflict (Harvard Health)
Workplace and Emotional Conflict (Healthy Mind Works)
Resolving Team Conflict (Mindtools)
How would you like to show up during emotional turmoil?
I’s like to show up centered, present, self-aware, and open to understanding what people are thinking and feeling.
And then determining what I can influence and change.
The problem is –emotions–our own and others can throw us off plan very quickly.
Thanks Paul. Being “thrown off” happens so quickly. Once it happens we’re likely to speak/act out of a place that isn’t helpful. Been there and done that!
Your suggests make lots of sense. I begin to think about breathing slowly. 🙂
Solution 3 seems to conflict with the overall theme. Personally I would find another workplace if I found myself in an environment where the leaders are so weak as to tolerate any instance of lying, cheating, stealing (or the other behaviors). Bad behavior can’t be justified on the basis that people are having a bad day or week. If they are that problematic you’re better off without them no matter how talented they may be when they are not misbehaving.
Thanks Douglas. I’m not sure I understand your comment. What troubles you about solution 3? Cheers
“The color always splashes on you when you paint someone with the unworthy brush”…this is a great quote. But, actually the paint splashes on you no matter what brush or paint you use. If you use paint and brush consistent with your suggestions, the paint shows trustworthiness and respectfulness. The other paint and brush, well…not so good.
Thanks Ted. I appreciate that you expanded this idea. Everything we do reflects back on us. We could add that everything we do impacts who we become. Cheers
Thank you, Dan, for this. Your articles always spark mental gymnastics to keep my fresh in my thinking.
“Crucial Conversations” is the priority of any leader – to permit unhealthy behavior on a team is promoting it. It’s never easy, but it must be done. Often the person doing it does not realize the path of destruction they have committed or will commit.
Thanks AZ. Ahh, love your use of crucial conversations. The book by that name is helpful.
It’s true that we may not realize the consequences of our choices. The way we respond to correction/instruction says a lot about us. Can we own it or do we blame others.
Hi Dan and all, loving this this morning. It starts with leadership maybe in a corporate context but by later points we should realize these rules apply everywhere. Especially in parent-child context every one of these lessons stands the test. In society as well. Hence, my satisfaction with your ” ,ever.” Off to try to work for the advantage of all the teams I’m on. Cheers
Thanks Cate. Yes, it’s always fun to realize that leadership isn’t just about business or organizations. Glad you noticed the “ever.” I usually avoid those types of expressions. But today, it felt appropriate. cheers