7 Signs You Let Others Control You During Emotional Turmoil
You must know yourself to manage yourself.
Self-aware leaders choose how they show up.
Low self-awareness means you can’t manage yourself with authenticity.
Emotional turmoil seduces you into self-forgetfulness. When you forget yourself, others control you.
7 signs you let others control you:
Spontaneous responses during emotional turmoil don’t reflect your best self.
- Outbursts of anger. Every time you lose it, someone else rules you.
- Obsessive thoughts, especially about the offense of others. Inner chatter runs wild when you forget yourself.
- Obsessive focus on people-pleasing. The need for someone’s approval means they control you.
- You’ve lost yourself when you need the last word.
- Compulsive competitiveness. You won’t play unless you can win, means the performance of others controls you.
- Resentment and bitterness. Others control you when you resent their success.
- Backstabbing and gossip. The person you tear down is controlling your thoughts and words.
You surrender control when others become justification for self-defeating attitudes and behaviors.
7 ways to show up with self-awareness during emotional turmoil:
Self-awareness enables authentic service during emotional turmoil.
- Choose outcomes that bring value during emotional turmoil. How are your reactions or responses reflecting or violating your values?
- Align thought, speech, and action with your best self. Speak like momma is listening.
- Notice hot emotion. What does anger say about you?
- Seek input while formulating plans or responses. Emotional turmoil clouds thinking.
- Reflect on your words and actions. How might someone describe you based on your words and actions?
- Pursue feedback on interactions. Others help us see ourselves when they describe what they see us doing.
- Journal about your actions and interactions with others. Bring emotional turmoil to mind. Record your thoughts and intentions.
Use hot emotion to clarify and intensify self-awareness.
Self-awareness is the first step toward showing up as your best self during emotional turmoil.
How might leaders show up as their best selves during emotional turmoil?
Bonus material: How to Show Up During Emotional Turmoil (Leadership Freak)
Emotional turmoil implies too much emotion and not enough rational thinking.
Leaders need to stay cool, calm, and collected. Be emotionally aware–don’t get sucked in to the drama. Sometimes you need to let the venting go on for a bit.
But at the right time, the leader needs to frame the situation and introduce a logical process to define and solve the current problems.
Leaders must make sense of the current situation before they can try to improve it.
So–show up–curious, willing to listen, observe what people say and do, and ask the right questions to reduce the emotions and move to a problem solving process.
Thanks Paul. Your insights are so helpful. Personally, it can be useful to talk myself down. I tend to choose a selfish course of action when emotion is raw. But, with time and input, a more leaderly approach emerges and sometimes I have the humility to adopt it.
I keep reading about values in the workplace. Most of the places I’ve worked have made having personal values a downright detriment to your life and career. I wonder if much of the problem comes from the disconnect between having integrity, loyalty etc. on the one hand and being forced to make money at any cost and devil take the hindmost on the other.
Thanks Mitch. If your suggestion that making money at any cost fuels emotional turmoil, you’re beating my drum. The courage to lead with people in mind as well as profit is lacking in many situations.
About one year ago, a salesman in my sons organization told him he would rather be in marketing; my son told him that not knowing a lot about sales but saw what he did in sales was extraordinary which few people could do; a few days later my sons boss asked what he told the salesman because he was now pleased with his job.
Thanks Warren. Great story!! And congrats to your son for saying a good word to someone.