What Makes Some Leaders Ugly and Others Beautiful
“Personal beauty is a greater recommendation than any letter of reference.” Aristotle
It doesn’t matter how much jewelry you put in a pig’s snout. It still stinks.
Unattractive people can be like gentle rain in the wilderness. It doesn’t matter how bulbous their nose, they refresh everything that comes near.
Beauty invites. Ugly repels.
7 things that make leaders ugly:
#1. Anger.
#2. Arrogance.
We tolerate arrogance and its ugly cousins of pomposity and defensiveness. Every time you scramble to outshine someone, another zit grows on your chin.
Braggarts compete to make others feel small.
Arrogance disrespects people and devalues the power of connection.
#3. Neediness.
#4. Negativity.
If you want to be ugly:
- Notice bad everywhere and weakness in everyone.
- Complain frequently.
- Be stingy with compliments.
#5. Pettiness, taking offense, and resentment.
Every offense you nurture is a wart that multiplies.
#6. Selfishness.
#7. Distrust.
7 things to do that make you beautiful:
#1. Set higher expectations for yourself than for others.
The formula for ugliness is focusing your expectations on others.
#2 Enjoy your talent. Don’t be embarrassed, falsely humble, or braggadocious when you use your talent.
#3. Commit to contribute.
“Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
#4. Give second chances.
Responsible failure deserves a second chance.
#5. Let go of disappointment and notice beauty.
“… I don’t think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains.” Anne Frank
#6. Practice forgiveness.
Few things are uglier than resentment or lovelier than forgiveness. (Realize that consequences and forgiveness may walk hand-in-hand.)
#7. Create interactions that demonstrate the value of others.
“Outer beauty is a gift. Inner beauty is an accomplishment.” Randi G. Fine
What comes to mind when you recall ugly leaders you have known?
How might you pursue beauty today?
What comes to mind when you recall ugly leaders you have known?
The needed knocked off their pedestal and brought back to reality. A little dose of “Humble pie” goes a long way. Be with the people not above them.
How might you pursue beauty today?
Understanding everyone is beautiful in their own way. We are not put here to be judge and jury. Until we have walked in their shoes we can not know their pain.
Thanks Tim. It’s great that you bring up humility; one of my favorite qualities that I lack. 🙂 … but I’ve seen humility and it’s beautiful. I know leaders and business owners who grab a mop when something is spilled.
The idea that we are “too good” to engage in “menial” tasks is ugly.
Dan,
I can say from seeing Owners working beside workers, gives me the sense they value their business putting in the sweat equity so to speak. I feel a connection with these people.
Leaders I find beautiful, listen and are fully present when we are speaking. They make me feel important and special. Leaders who are distracted, don’t listen, don’t engage, seem ugly, no matter how well they are dressed.
Thanks Duane. Personally, I interpret distraction as disrespect. In my world, respect and feeling valued are undeniably connected.
My father use to say to me frequently, “pretty is as pretty does.” I recall a topic on 60 minutes which showed only attractive people getting job interviews and/or positions simple because of the way they look. This is no longer the case, you have to be able to influence others, be a part of a team and collaborate. These are the beautiful things that gets one to the next level. Pretty is no longer “hot,” so to speak…Ugly leaders are insecure, they fear the beauty of the truth, which is that they suck at leading.
Thanks yanir. I have to say that your father’s quote is the first time I really understood the momma’s saying in Forest Gump. “Stupid is as stupid does.”
Unattractive people are pretty when they do pretty things. 🙂 Beauty is in the nature of the action.
For some reason, even though my wife explains it to me, that Forest Gump quote just confuses me. But, I’ve got it. Smart people do stupid things. (I hope I got it)
The one i find ugly is silence. When a leader is silent and ignores the team, it leads to #7 distrust. I look for a leader, who will listen, be present and vulnerable.
Thanks D. Yes, silence feels like disengagement. It’s only a small step from disengagement to standing aloof.
Silence is equivalent to the “sin” of omission.
If they have a seat at the table, so to speak,
then they need to hold it by being more than “present,” and engage.
No Dialogue = No Trust.
(and vice-versa, apparently – equally unacceptable).
Dialogue builds trust (between people),
monologues enforce trust (over people), and
arguments polarize where trust is placed (NOT in this relationship).
If you are being ghosted, you are being dissed.
Don’t take it personally, but do insist on engagement.
If they refuse, the relationship is not worth debating, and abandon it.
The vulnerability is in openness to being demonstrated a hypocrite:
if true, let it be so and reconcile; if not, clarity is the sole remedy.
If someone doesn’t have the courage to stand (for what they think and/or believe),
then they are almost certainly intending damage (to your rep and/or stand).
Thanks for your insights, Rurbane. Your focus on dialog makes so much sense. If you aren’t careful you may look back and find that no one is following.
I’ll add that silence may not be intending harm to others as much as protecting self. The harm that comes to others is simply an unfortunate result of self-protection.
Having said that, it’s not easy to create an environment where dialog happens. Leaders unintentionally intimidate others.
Lots of great points.
Leaders who I find beautiful keep things simple and clear. There is beauty in simplicity.
The ugly leaders I have observed are needy, insecure, they micromanage, and take credit for other people’s work.
Thanks Paul. Perhaps we should work harder at finding simplicity. The simple things might be the hardest things to find, like the shortest path is the straight path. And the longest path is the path of least resistance.
Dear Dan,
Liked today’s post with good comparative list of two different qualities of a leader!
Many leaders try to demonstrate beauty in their acts to win the confidence and respect of their followers to achieve the set organization goals. Yet, the followers have a different mind-set and are more emotional. They expect leaders to remain friendly and supportive all the time. This expectation turns into disappointment the moment the leaders become tough and point towards the gaps that exist in expected performance and/or behaviour.
Leaders need to be good to reflect ‘beauty’ all the time and remain tactful in handling tough people & situations with the desired ‘ugly’actions.
Thanks Dr Asher. You give a powerful challenge. It is easy to disappoint others. I had not considered that the disappointing others feel might translate into them putting us in the ugly box. Fascinating idea.