Three Things You have that Others Don’t – But They Need
“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” Bonnie Ware, Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
Stop working so hard to fit in.
What is your unique contribution? What do you have that others don’t?
Conformity makes you average. Otherness makes you remarkable.
We fear that which makes us unique. Sadly, fitting in incapacitates exceptional contribution.
Conformity and similarity:
Organizations require conformity. Rules enable teams to function, innovate, and perform.
“Birds of a feather flock together.” Connection accelerates when someone says, “You started a business? So did I.”
Conformity – shared values or experiences, for example – make you reasonably predictable.
Similarity is foundation to connection, but uniqueness empowers meaningful contribution.
Uniqueness within conformity:
All golfers play the same game. But there are individual ways to play the game.
Everyone in your organization plays the same game. Absolute uniqueness makes you irrelevant. Shared mission gives meaning and power to uniqueness. But being unique within represents exceptional potential.
Conformity enables connection. Uniqueness empowers contribution.
4 things you have that others don’t:
#1. Patterns of thought, feeling, and behavior constitute unique personality. For example,…
- Introversion or extroversion.
- Optimistic or pessimistic.
- Free spirited or methodical.
- Pushy or agreeable.
- Flexible or rigid.
#2. First inclinations.
How do you naturally respond to new ideas, for example? Many give reasons new ideas won’t work. But a few find reasons new ideas will work. How might you maximize that difference?
#3. Experiences.
How might you integrate your personal story into your leadership? The things you wish to hide may reflect points of deep connection and your power of greatest contribution.
Story enhances contribution.
What makes people unique?
How might leaders maximize the power of uniqueness within conformity?
Each of us were created with different skill sets, mindsets, and unique gifting. Unfortunately we are often told that our skills of X,Y, and Z are not as important as this other persons A,B, and C. We can often then forget or even resent the gifts that we possess and begin to covet those of another. But maybe that which we were created doesn’t require the skills that one might covet. Perhaps that which we possess is perfectly aligned with the purpose placed on our lives.
Great post, Dan!
Thanks Josh. Fascinating ideas. You’re input suggests that we might begin with our uniqueness to find our purpose. Rather than pursuing purpose directly, we find indirectly by understanding and maximizing our uniqueness.
Sadly, not all skillsets, mindsets and gifts are equally useful. In fact, some generally seem to be downright useLESS or actively dangerous. A unique contribution is like a random mutation – some lead to progress, others lead to cancer.
Thanks Mitch. You left a valuable comment. Perhaps a better way to express the idea in this post is USEFUL uniqueness. Context matters. Apart from a good fit, uniqueness is a frustration and our difference is squandered. I wonder how many people ever get into an environment where they maximize the qualities that differentiate them from others?
What makes people unique?
How people ………
-dress
-present their ideas
-respond in stressful situations
-say and do in the same situation
-process information
-make decisions
How might leaders maximize the power of uniqueness within conformity?
Differences are so long as people are aligned with the agreed upon goals and plans.
Explain the boundaries. What’s acceptable and what goes to far.
Thanks Paul. The value of explaining boundaries seems valuable when navigating uniqueness. There’s a point at which you say, “That’s beyond the scope of our mission.”
Thank you Dan for the subtle reminder about the value of diversity and inclusion in leadership. Having a group of leaders that think and act alike is not helpful for allowing an organization to have a broader perspective and avoid group think. I heard Astronaut Mark Kelly speak about the empowerment that NASA gives to everyone involved in a space mission so if they see something that doesn’t look right they can question it and know their perspective is valued without question. Mark said it bluntly in that, “none of us is as dumb as all of us.” That has stuck with me and while having shared values and goals is important; having a unique perspective or talent that is not present in others allows for creativity, the adding on to good ideas and perhaps the spark that creates something new/innovative. I want that on the leadership teams I am a member of!
Thanks James. “None of us is as dumb as all of us.” — KaPow!! love it.
Now all we need is enough courage to face the fear of looking dumb when our perspective seems different or contrarian.
I teach a workshop at my church called PLACE…
P ersonality Assessment
L earning your Spiritual Gift
A bilities Assessment
C onnecting Passion with Ministry
E xperiences of Life
I share every time I teach it that EVEN IF someone had the exact same mix of Personality Type, Spiritual Gifts, Abilities and Passions, that NO ONE has your Experiences of Life!
It’s a great way to help people see that every one of us is uniquely gifted for our place in the world, and especially in Kingdom work!
By the way, if you’re interested, you can check out the PLACE workshop stuff at https://www.placeministries.org/
Thanks for always stirring my brain, Dan!
Thanks Page. I love an acronym. 🙂
How have life experienced shaped us? That seems like an extremely useful exploration if one whishes to bring their best authentic self to challenges and opportunities. In addition, it feels fulfilling when experience and opportunity collide.
I believe those life experiences shape our values, they shape the way we react and relate to others, they shape how we perceive and understand our past, present and future. Those past life experiences have taught us what we love and what we dislike, they serve as modern day mentors using past performances as the curriculum.
By the way… Rick Warren, pastor of Saddleback Church, also has a similar program in his church called “SHAPE”… Another cool acronym!
For years, I’ve been continually amazed at your ability to create excellent content. You are truly one of a kind : ) Hat-tip!
Thanks so much Rose Mary. You are an encouragement.