The Third Step on Everyone’s Gratitude Journey where Many Stumble
We stumble over ourselves.
During her job interview, the hiring team was really impressed with her resume and professionalism.
“Wow! You have an amazing resume and you present yourself fantastically, but you’re missing 5 years on this part of your resume.”
“What happened there?” asked an interviewer.
“Oh, that’s when I went to Yale,” says the woman.
The interviewers offer her a job on the spot. On her way out, the woman says, “Thanks for the yob.”
7 self-inflicted damages of ingratitude:
Leaders sabotage themselves when they coddle ingratitude.
- Shallow relationships.
- Pessimism.
- Declining productivity.
- Lack of purpose.
- Health issues.
- Restless sleep.
- Low self-esteem.
Source (I listed opposites.)
The third step:
The third step on your gratitude journey is gratitude IN hardship.
#1. Gratitude-for is the first and easiest step on your gratitude journey. Notice and acknowledge benefit or advantage in good things.
#2. Grateful-to is more challenging than grateful-for. It can’t be left to spontaneity. Expressing gratitude requires time, planning, and humility.
Unexpressed gratitude is ingratitude.
#3. Gratitude-in hardship is the ultimate gratitude practice.
Ingratitude might feel good, but it’s always self-destructive.
The alternative to gratitude-in hardship is self-sabotage.
It’s ridiculous to be thankful FOR sickness, pain, or evil. The greatest gratitude challenge is noticing benefit or advantage IN hardship.
Grateful-in hardship:
#1. Become your true self.
Hardship humbles you and humility is essential on the journey toward authenticity. You need humility to acknowledge that you don’t fully know yourself before you can become yourself.
Hardship reveals anger and bitterness that simmers unseen below the surface.
Hardship illuminates blindspots.
#2. Leverage opportunities.
Ingratitude prevents you from seeing benefit or advantage in hardship.
Every hardship holds an opportunity for personal growth and contribution.
#3. Expand influence.
Ingratitude limits opportunity, but gratitude expands influence.
Gratitude-in enables growth through hardship, but ingratitude is the end of the line.
Gratitude is lift in the wind.
What advantages or benefits might be hidden in hardship?
Bonus material:
How Gratitude can Help You Through Hard Times (Berkeley)
Stop Making Gratitude All About You (HBR)
I’m grateful for your clarity all you’ve captured today.
Hey, thanks Ken.
Dan, I’m grateful that you are consistently pushing me (and hopefully many others) toward humility and gratitude. Neither can be practiced enough. Thank you for the reminders.
Thanks Michael. I started November thinking about gratitude. I’m glad it continues to bubble up in my thinking. It’s pretty hard to find a downside.
Thank you for sharing. Timing could not be better!
Thanks Marianne. Best wishes as you move forward.
Enjoyed all your articles especially on gratitude. Need to take actions on that. Also need to be more self conscious and manage oneself. Would like advice on self management for betterment of relationship. Thanks. Peter
Thanks Peter. Your reference to self-consciousness/self-awareness makes sense. We have to notice ourselves if we expect to change.
I’ll give some thought to self-management for betterment of relationships. Interesting topic.
Dan, Really enjoy your perspective and thoughts in general. Humility seems such a struggle for many. I think the self-management piece is huge, and thats one of the foundations of EQ stuff.
Grateful I found your posts.
Thanks Jay. Welcome aboard. 🙂 Yes, self-awareness enables self-management. Leaders benefit from EQ development.
Looking forward to your thoughts.
Gratitude is lift in the wind…so true and beautifully stated. You are insightful and your daily emails are thought-provoking and are wind in my sails. I am grateful to you for generously sharing your wisdom.
Thanks Wendy. Onward and upward. 🙂
Thank you. 20 years ago I has a client, a business leader, who despite his success was humble and thanked people for contributing to his success. He jetted around between meetings, but I was always struck by his humanity and gratitude. He was no pushover, but he was fun to work with, it inspired me to go the extra mile to look after his group. So yes, gratitude expands influence and also motivates those around you, very necessary in hardship!
Thanks Jacintha. Great story. You remind me of the power of modeling the way. We often grow because of someone’s example.
I have not interviewed for my positions in the last 10+ years, as I’ve been with the same company. However, I have interviewed at least 200 people. I find that those that are genuine and can tell a great story of a hardship win me over. Nothing goes perfectly and interviewees with candor and transparency that can demonstrate a true learning and outline a ‘get-up, dust yourself off and move-on’ attitude win with me!