We’ve Seen Self-Centered Beasts – How Leaders Become Human
Self-centered leaders are beasts. Self-forgetful leaders become human.
Victor Frankl wrote, “The more one forgets himself–by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love–the more human he is and the more he actualizes himself. … In other words, self-actualization is possible only as a side-effect of self-transcendence.” (Man’s Search for Meaning)
5 ways to move from beast to human:
#1. Express gratitude.
You remember yourself and eventually forget yourself while expressing gratitude.
Gratitude begins with you, but turns to others. Gratitude moves from personal enjoyment, advantage, and benefit to recognizing another’s contribution.
Who might you acknowledge in the next 30 minutes?
#2. Practice self-care with a purpose.
Self-care is a means to effective service, not an end in itself.
The purpose of leadership is service.
Rest to energize and sustain service.
#3. Notice others with appreciation.
The purpose of noticing is understanding, not judging.
Noticing accelerates everything you hope to achieve. Effective coaching, kind correcting, compassionate challenging, and remarkable results begin with appreciative noticing.
- How does this challenge or opportunity impact others?
- How might you welcome the perspective of others today?
#4. Watch yourself as an outside observer.
The cure to getting lost in the weeds is stepping outside your circumstances and observing as an outsider.
Watch yourself as an outsider during one-on-ones, leading meetings, or daily interactions. What’s it like to sit across the table from you?
Remember yourself to forget yourself.
#5. Remember your first love.
Get out of your own way – remember you are a small part of a greater whole.
The first love of leaders is serving something bigger than themselves.
How might you knowingly express mission in the next 30 minutes?
Roadblocks to self-forgetfulness:
- Needing appreciation.
- Seeking approval.
- Focusing exclusively on results.
- Ruminating instead of reflecting.
- Giving control of life to others.
Forgetting is a virtue when you forget yourself.
What advantages do you see in self-forgetfulness?
What might practicing self-forgetfulness look like to you?
Bonus material:
Build Resilience By Learning To “Forget Yourself” | Psychology Today
SELF-FORGETFULNESS | FLOW PSYCHOLOGY (wordpress.com)
Hi Dan! I often share a quote from your columns with staff but found that as I was reading today’s I kept saying: “This would be a great one to share….no this one….maybe this one…”. In a world that glamorizes self indulgence to the nth degree (i.e. the whole ‘Housewives’ franchise) Victor Frankl’s statement that: “…by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love–the more human he is and the more he actualizes himself…”, really resonates. Thank you!
Thank you Mary Ellen. You’re kind to share such an encouraging comment. I’m re-listening to Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning.” It’s profound. Best
This post contains a wealth of information. I believe in the art of servant leadership and all of this speaks to me. Thank you for your great insight.
Thanks Michelle. “Art” is a good word when it comes to leadership. It’s part science and part art.
So true, the power of leadership is in the giving
Thanks Victoria. Let’s keep practicing generosity.
Rest to energize and sustain service. Wow does this hit hard. During this virus disruption I’ve amped up rest so that I can serve better my family first and then my work. I listen to my body more as to when to work from home and when to office it. I listened this morning and my body said best get more rest and work remotely from home. I can do this when many others can’t so I feel grateful.
Brilliant, Roger. One attribute of successful leaders is flexibility and adaptability.
I nodded my head in agreement all the way through. Gratitude is a must!!!! Like that you started with it. Thanks for this.
Thanks Dee. Kind of you to share a good word.
self -forgetfulness and/or being an Outside observer of yourself – are these akin to the spiritual quest – Who am I ? the powerful self transcendence question?? Thanks Dan.
Dan-
I often share your posts with my Leadership Team; this will be one of them. It’s challenging in a highly competitive, stressful environment to stop and think about the position others may be in, their challenges and the creative things they’re doing to overcome obstacles. In reflection, I often find my own obstacles and take a candid approach to asking the team for help- being humble and appreciative. When the guard is down and everything slows-down for a minute, the team usually shares their insights and is open to input from everyone. When this sort of stage is set and everyone feels safe, appreciation and gratitude is abound. I need to get better at this in general- the post is very thought inducing. Thank you!!!