Dear Dan: I’m Writing a Resignation Letter to an Employer who Treated me Poorly
Dear Dan,
I wonder how best to write a resignation letter. I’m in my late twenties and I’ve found a new position.
I’ve been woefully underpaid and unappreciated. I’m wondering about explaining the reasons for my departure. I’d like to give them some feedback on the way I’ve been treated.
Thankful to leave,
Out the Door
Dear Out,
Congratulations on finding a new position. I wish you well as you move forward. I have some questions you might consider as you compose your resignation letter.
- Will you have an ongoing relationship with people in your former organization?
- What if you complain about low pay and they offer you a raise? Would you consider staying?
- How much of your desire to give feedback is a desire to vent?
I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t want a relationship with people in your former organization. But it’s best to imagine that you might be connected with them in the future in some way.
Would you stay for higher pay? I hope not.
Don’t bother venting. If they don’t care now, a letter won’t make a difference. Instead of venting, use this opportunity for self-reflection.
Self-reflection:
What have you learned about yourself while working for a stingy unappreciative employer?
- Perhaps resentment has poisoned your attitude. I don’t blame you if it has. But resentment is never useful. How will you let it go?
- What have you learned about addressing tough issues? How might you address a similar situation in the future? How long will you wait before addressing perceived mistreatment in the future?
Verbiage of a resignation letter:
Dear XYZ,
I have found a new opportunity that better suits my personal goals.
I’ve learned a lot here. (List a couple of things.)
I would be glad to discuss this further if you would like to learn more about the reasons for my departure.
Sincerely,
Out The Door
3 suggestions:
#1. If you are genuinely interested in helping your former organization, offer to have a conversation. But don’t voice grievances in a resignation letter. Frankly, I doubt they will be interested.
#2. Write two resignation letters and burn the copy you keep for yourself. Learn from this experience and let it go. (I suggest literally burning the letter. Create a clear ending so you can move forward.)
Stepping forward means leaving something behind.
#3. The way you leave says more about you than it says about them.
You have my best,
Dan
What suggestions might you offer Out The Door?
Note: I relax my 300 word limit on Dear Dan responses.
Bonus material:
6 Smart Ways to Resign Gracefully From Work (aarp.org)
How to Quit Your Job in the Most Professional Way Possible (hubspot.com)
Thanks Dan.
Any organization that is truly committed to its mission places their employees/partners as a top priority and would likely have a process for exit interviews.
I love your statement “The way you leave says more about you than it says about them.
Closure is good. Closure with no regrets is absolute.
Final thought, someday you may have to use your former employer and colleagues as a reference. What would you like them to say about you?
Thanks Joseph. Your insight of needing a reference is so helpful. I’m glad you added it.
I continue to appreciate the idea that I can’t blame my poor behavior on someone else.
Out the door…you’ve already decided to go so keep your letter brief, factual and unemotional. Any employer worth their salt will want to know why you intend to leave (and they’ll have a process to go through that with you) so that they can look to improve conditions, increase retention of talent and strengthen the organisation. An employer that isn’t bothered just isn’t bothered and so why waste time on them – concentrate on the new challenge/ opportunity that awaits you. Try not to leave with bad blood…things change, people move on… you never know, some years down the line, you may want to come back into this organisation at a more senior level.. All the best for your new role
Thanks Martin. Your comment gives a sense of forward movement. Perhaps it helps to realize that it’s difficult to move forward while looking in the rear view mirror.
Dan,
I’m a firm believer in not burning bridges, you never know when life changes and you may need to go back to former employers. Bow out gracefully and move on, your paths may never cross again, i can tell you from experience relationships are built and developed, one day you may be one again. Best wishes.
Thanks Tim. You reminded me that I’ve learned a lot from the people who irritated me. It’s odd that some of them have gotten smarter as time passes. (Not to justify treating people poorly. The idea just came to mind when you mentioned don’t burn bridges.)
You can’t give the truth to someone who doesn’t want it or hasn’t earned it. It rarely, if ever, elevates them and often serves to diminish you.
Focus on this opportunity as a way to elevate yourself. That’s the one guaranteed win in this. It is extremely unlikely they will learn to win from this but it is a certainty you can, as long as you are willing to be truthful with yourself.
Life is full of misfortune and raw deals. We need to learn to let go of how others treat us and focus in how we treat them and ourselves.
I believe 100% in what you have written above. You always want to leave on graciously even if you feel you have been wronged and taken advantage. In the long run, you still learned something at your old company that you should be grateful for even if it is that you don’t like how they have treated you. You never know when you will be working with some of your former managers or colleagues at a different company in the future. I have seen it time and time again. In short look forward and enjoy the new opportunity and learn from what is behind you.
Sound advice from this post and from the comments. The topic of resignations has long been one of great interest to me.
I would always encourage employees to explore every available avenue to resolve issues before resigning. This not only prevents burning bridges, but prevents future regrets at leaving stones unturned and opportunities missed, alternatives unexplored.. Often the process of writing the letter is itself cathartic, but it is best unseen by others in most cases.
When I was young (in life and in my career) my frustrations with stodgy organizations and mediocre leadership had me considering resignation about every six months! “Should I stay or should I go?” as the song says. I believe you could compare it to a “fight or flight” reaction in my young mind. Fortunately my basic emotional maturity reined in those impulses.
As I matured in the job and I began to take a longer view, thoughts of resignation were much less frequent. Instead, I transitioned to preparation and action to overcome obstacles and solve problems productively. I guess you could say I dug in for the long haul.
I did resign from one organization after being frustrated at every turn for nearly a decade and seeing my opportunities for advancement limited by local politics. My letter was (in my eyes) a brilliant manifesto to expose everything that was wrong about the organization, but I can assure you the “leadership” there cared not one whit for my opinion and my letter changed nothing, although it did allow me to vent, as you allude to in your post. Leaving that organization set the stage for the remaining 75% of my career.
I moved on to a better organization that was still far from perfect. As a matter of fact, I was brought in to be a change agent (there’s a term not often seen anymore) by a new CEO who wanted to implement new ideas. In times of organizational turmoil, I wrote and tore up a few letters of resignation, all of these based on matters of principle where I was unwilling to compromise. I always said that unless a boss asked me to do something illegal, immoral or unethical, which I would not do, then all else was merely preference. I had to convince a couple of bosses that I would really leave rather than violate my own code, but they were smart enough to realize I had the organization’s interests at heart (and indirectly, their personal interests). Fortunately, in all cases they eventually listened to my concerns, I was able to make the principle behind my position known and understood and we were able to resolve the issues at hand. (Our top executive had a tendency toward kneejerk draconian overreaction to any perceived crisis. His tendencies were contagious throughout top management.)
As I became a member of top management myself (under a different CEO), I began to deal with all employee resignations, grievances, appeals of disciplinary action and performance review issues. I instituted a successful “chief’s conference” procedure, at which any employee could request a meeting with me to directly express any ethical, moral or legal issue which the employee felt was not being fairly addressed by the organization’s policy and procedure or the normal chain of command. Our sessions prevented a number of resignations.
Finally, my exit from the organization was a notice of intention to retire rather than a resignation. That was one letter I handed to the boss personally, with no rancor or resentment attached.
I apologize for the long comment.
-JH
Dan,
I wouldn’t include your last paragraph. If they sincerely want to discuss the reasons why the person is leaving—they will ask.
Big idea—be professional, don’t burn any bridges and learn from the experience.
Did you previously bring up any of your issues to your boss? Your boss may have thought you were perfectly content with your job.
Good luck.
Right on point!
You’re parting ways, so it’s not up to you to fix them. Nor do you have to “win the breakup”.
Even if you never want to go back or do business with them again, don’t deliberately create an antagonistic position, because you’re stuck with them for the next decade or so.
Future employers will contact them to confirm you worked there. HR being willing only to confirm that you were employed between certain dates speaks volumes.
I have to agree with Dan that if they have not asked, they likely will not be interested in why you are leaving. I once worked for an organization that required an exit interview, and when i provided honest and even slightly sugarcoated feedback, the director- out loud- rephrased every negative thing I said as she was writing it down to basically remove any negative connotation. On the other hand, at another organization I worked for, the HR director invited me to her office before I left to ask why I was leaving. They were having a very hard time keeping employees in one particular department and management, at least the upper management, truly did not know why. I suppose when even temp workers silently leave after working only a few hours, never to return, that might be a red flag.
Such great advice Dan. I’m a pastor at a church and a business owner and just recently decided to resign my role as Spiritual Development pastor. I think with leaving a place of employment most of the time we are at a tipping point of anger or at least high frustration. I think everything you said is spot on and when giving the feedback if they do want a conversation we need to have our words filled with grace and truth. Telling anyone how terrible they are isn’t effective at all.
Great post and quality comments. Thank you. My first situation out of college was horrible but looking back at it, I am able to see that it was so valuable and totally essential to my personal and professional growth. We can learn from every situation — sometimes we learn best when shown “how NOT to do things.”
So much good stuff in this post!
A parting salvo and a few home truths will feel good for five minutes, but may back-fire or burn more than bridges.
It’s a great time to consider one’s own motivations. I find the SCARF model really valuable! The ‘F’ domain Is all about fairness. Mindfully step outside of your own experience.
Resentment can turn to quicksand.
To resent is not some moral failure. To resent is to feel or sense (think sentient) again. Very human!! Don’t allow this bad experience to be a tenant that won’t leave your head.
My favourite takeaway …
‘The way you leave says more about you than it says about them.‘
Wishing you well for the future!!
Excellent advice. No one should smell up a room as they are leaving it. I find that it is a small world and bridges are easier to cross if they have not been burned.
30 years ago I had a manager I did not care for. Hired by a new employer I was asked about this position I had 30 years ago. I stayed positive and remained objective. Turns out my new employer is friends with this old manager. I can sleep at night knowing that I did not say anything that I would regret.
The times we have been in similar positions, we have kept the letter short and to the point. It said something like:
I hereby resign my position effective (date).
Respectfully yours,
Out the Door