It Doesn’t Matter What You Do if You Get This Wrong
Doing the right thing doesn’t erase saying something stupid.
“Watch your thoughts. They become words. Watch your words. They become deeds…” Frank Outlaw, late president of Bi-Lo
Words are hinges between thought and action.
Accountable for:
Stupid words return with misery on a leash.
You learn to be accountable for your words when the things that come out of your mouth come back and bite you on the butt.
You have a problem with the words you say to yourself and others if you’re constantly battling misery.
Action matters. But foolish words contaminate good actions.
- You gossiped about a colleague. Now you’re putting out fires.
- Emotional heat got you in hot water.
- You felt insecure and stretched the truth.
- You belittled your boss and lost a promotion.
- Office drama drains your time and energy.
The enduring value of your leadership hangs on the things that come out of your mouth.
It doesn’t matter how hard you try when your words keep punching you in the face.
Leaders are accountable for their words. That includes attitude and tone.
Open your mouth to:
- Add energy. The power of words is experienced in the energy they give.
- Create clarity.
- Define problems AND design solutions.
- Transform difficulty into opportunity.
7 ways to get a grip on your tongue:
- Choose a positive purpose for your words. Only open your mouth to make something better. (This is the ultimate rule of communication for leaders.)
- When in doubt, zip it.
- Never let bitterness control your vocabulary. Kindness heals. Bitterness corrupts.
- Every rash word makes you bleed.
- Don’t open your mouth to prove you are right.
- Apologize when you say harmful things. If someone brings up an offense again, apologize again.
- “I didn’t mean to,” attempts to justify an offense. Just apologize.
What are some dumb things you’ve said or heard leaders say?
How might leaders get a grip on their words?
After words:
10 Ways to Expand Your World with Words | Leadership Freak
The Seven Powers of Words | Leadership Freak
The Power of Spoken Words | HuffPost
Dan, Much of the application of speaking is addressed by thinking before we speak, often times in live we don’t think things through thoroughly. (just the way it is). “Open mouth insert foot”, happens when we are not prepared for the discussion. So “think before we speak”, “listen before responding”, “look before you leap”, “step on the log not over the log”, and “don’t Pee into the wind”.
Thanks Tim. Or turn your back to the wind. Seriously, a quick minded leader has to grapple with giving quick responses. You make up your mind and begin defending your quick decision because you are right. 🙂
Dan, I agree quick responses get us into “you said” and “I didn’t mean what I said” or “you took it out of context” , knowing we are right is half the battle when subject to interpretations only hearing what one wants to hear. 🙂
“Don’t open your mouth to prove you are right.”
I prefer to say nothing then let the person who doesn’t believe me stumble, fall and hit their head on the rock of the truth. It’s quicker, simpler, teaches better and is actually more satisfying.
Thanks Mitch. Your approach seems a little sadistic. I prefer to give a warning. If people resist I say, I wish you well. Let me know how it turns out.
Before entering the discussion I like to ask myself–What questions need to be asked, discussed, and answered. I also like to determine my goal–what will improve the situation. I like your “positive purpose.”
Communication breakdowns often occur when we make vague, general comments. Being specific, defining terms, and providing examples helps make your point.
Thanks Paul. The idea of determining the goal/purpose of a conversation has helped me add more value to people. Sometimes the thing someone wants/needs is not what I expected.
“What are some dumb things you’ve said or heard leaders say?”
I had been activated and deployed to a combat zone for months. When I returned, I went into my work place still in uniform and on crutches to let them know I was back home. The first words out of my boss’ mouth was, “when are you coming back”.
I had another who compared his peace time deployment to a tropical island to my deployment to a combat zone during war suggesting we both had the same experiences.
Wow. Thanks for joining the conversation Hot. And thanks for your service. The lesson I take from your comment is do your best to honor others and don’t compare yourself with them.
‘“I didn’t mean to,” attempts to justify an offense. Just apologize.’ This is the best advice ever! When someone feels injured (demeaned, ignored, etc.), it doesn’t matter what you meant; their need is to hear that you feel bad about it! Thanks for great food for thought!
Thanks Amy. You nailed it. Good intentions are important but not an excuse for unintended harm.
Love this, Dan! I’m sure you’ve seen one the variants of the W.A.I.T (Why Am I Talking?) decision tree. I try to use it. Here’s one of them: https://communities.nasponline.org/blogs/dan-pezzulo/2017/02/01/wait
Thanks Gary. Cool diagram.
Such a great post, going to read this to my 11 year old tonight
Thank you Zac. I wish you and your son well.
It is so easy to make one mistake and destroy everything you have worked for, especially with your name. I was given advise when I was younger that I have held on to which is having a good name is important. I want people to hear my name and think of positive attributes of being a hard worker with integrity. Yet, one mistake can destroy everything I have work for, and this is true with words. Words can easily tear someone down or build them up. We must always be accountable for our words because one slip could create unamendable damages. The list of 7 ways to gripe your tongue discussed apologizing. A key to apologizing is an actual apology not a “I am sorry, but” that “but” just eliminated the entire apology. When I hear someone add that “but” into the apology, I know they really do not mean the apology.