Everything You Need to Know About “NOT” Being Yourself
Warren Bennis was brilliant when he said, “Becoming a leader is synonymous with becoming yourself.” But what if you’re a jerk-hole?
Perhaps you shouldn’t always ‘be yourself’. I’ve been told, for example, we should write the way we talk. (Be yourself.) But what if you’re a boring windbag when you talk?
A beginning:
Sammy Davis Jr. sang, “I’ve Gotta Be Me.” The lyric goes, “What else could I be but what I am?”
The way you were born doesn’t reflect the person you could become.
It’s one thing to accept a genetic disposition toward alcoholism, for example. It’s destructive to embrace it.
Sometimes I’m at my best when I’m being like someone else.
Perhaps you don’t gotta be you. But how?
Emulate others:
I enjoy being like people I admire.
I remember the slow painful recovery after my accident. One day I looked in the mirror and saw my dad looking back. (Not literally of course.)
When I looked in the mirror that day, I admired my own toughness. That’s when I realized that the grit in me was dad-in-me. It still feels fantastic.
When I’m like the people I admire, I affirm my best self.
It’s fulfilling to be like someone who has strength where you have weakness.
I practice humility by reflecting on humble people I respect, not by following natural inclinations.
I learn to connect with others by reflecting on the great connectors in my life, not by doing what comes naturally.
I learn wisdom by emulating the sages.
Necessary skill:
Choose carefully when choosing people to emulate.
Show me your influences and I’ll tell you who you will become.
- Move from admiration to emulation.
- Being impacts behaviors and behaviors impact being.
- Listen to things that rub you the wrong way. They expand you.
How might being yourself not serve you well?
How has emulating someone made you a better person?
How might being yourself not serve you well?
Since we are human beings we all have our imperfections, so if we allow our less qualified side to lead us we have problems. The differences as we know between right and wrong, the lessons we learned from others in what not to do, yet we still fall on our faces.
How has emulating someone made you a better person?
These individuals lead by example and perform to their drummer so if you are marching with them you are learning to lead by example. If you chose to go against them you may be subject to the school of hard knocks since the path you chose is unknown and you will lead by fumbling your way along. Perhaps its better to chose the proven path. What if we never see the other side of the mountain? If we emulate those who have made the journey surely we should have learned the better parts of success. Look and the mirror and ask yourself what do we see and who do we see, may hold the answers you search for, are right in front of us. Amazing what a reflection can do.
The inspiration of a sunrise is coming in my mind as we speak. Just so I’m looking past the dreary gloominess outside as its raining cloudy and cold.
Thanks Tim. For some reason “learning to lead by example” made more sense after reading your comment.
Kouzes and Posner’s first function of leadership is Model the Way. But why do that if we’re all just being ourselves. The power of modeling the way assumes that we might – on occasion – be like someone else.
Dan, Like characteristics is not a bad thing if its in a positive sense. We still have to be ourselves as well and perhaps pickup tidbits from others along the way. We are mixtures of our heritage.
I like the metaphor that my life it’s like a tapestry. I draw threads from many different sources along life‘s journey. And the result is a colourful creation, with an intent to better connect withheld and others … and serve the greater good!
Being a leader is finding your “best self.”
Underneath your insecurities, anger, doubts, fears, envy, resentments, and worries is your best self. A person who has a unique mind, body, and spirit. Letting go of all the negative baggage gets you to a position to love yourself and serve others. A leader, who adds value and makes a difference.
Thanks Paul. Such a great message. I believe, as you say, eliminating the bad is a great opportunity for the good to shine. Most of us could still afford to learn positive qualities from skillful others.
Dan – i really connect with your message – all my life have surrounded myself with people who i want to emulate – or should i say their traits.
Thanks Sheila. You remind me that the people around us contribute help us see who we are and help us become our best selves.
“When I looked in the mirror that day, I admired my own toughness. That’s when I realized that the grit in me was dad-in-me. It still feels fantastic.” When I look into the mirror I see my parents, my grandparents and those before them. Some I knew some I did not but they all beyond DNA had some influence on me. Their very nature of family, faith, hard work, a belief in the goodness of this country and most importantly a positive attitude flows through my being. I’ve worked hard to impart this upon my children.
How has emulating someone made you a better person?
My goal is to continually develop and to live out the best version of myself. Knowing I’m a work in progress and don’t have all the answers, emulating others’ positive leadership qualities contributes greatly to developing my “best self” – the “me” I want to see show up in every interaction with others. When I fall short, like allowing my emotions to hijack my behavior, I ask what I need to do to show up better next time and be that best version of myself.
Asking another person who their influences are is a good way to figure out how they want to interact with other people and lead. Behaviors influenced by people we want to emulate would be able to change how someone acts and responds to situations.