The Advice Leaders Need But Often Reject
The things you know affirm what you’ve done. But advice that seems wrong has the power to change your leadership.
Advice disrupts.
Advice-seeking:
The richest possible life includes advice-seeking.
Advice-seeking is listening for disruptive ideas.
Sometimes I say I want advice, but mostly I want affirmation.
Seeking advice is seeking disconfirmation, not affirmation.
Affirmation instills confidence but doesn’t ignite change.
Explore disconfirming advice. Don’t reject it.
Some leaders are too arrogant to seek advice. Arrogance needs to know because it’s veiled insecurity. You can’t receive advice when you need to know.
Success often hinges on disconfirming advice.
Lousy advisors:
- Can’t escape their own life to get into yours.
- Offer quick answers. Excitement to spew advice makes a lousy advisor.
- Have the gift of knowledge. Incompetent advisors have answers and advice on any topic. Know-it-alls are lousy advice-givers.
- Never adapt or reconsider. (An expression of #3 above.)
Tips:
I know people who would love to be advisors but haven’t developed the skill of advice-giving. They might help, but probably won’t.
‘Be yourself’ is bad advice if it causes you to not seek advice. Authenticity is a destructive sham when you reject the voice of others. You become yourself in community, not isolation.
Take notes. Writing slows the pace of conversations. Note taking demonstrates respect. Plus, writing is thinking.
Teaching is useful, but too generic to be considered advice. Advisors tailor guidance to recipients. True advisors know you and respect your aspirations.
Life is too short to rely on personal experience. Skillful advice-seekers learn from the experience of others.
Ask yourself, “What happens if I don’t implement this advice?”, when you receive disconfirming advice.
Project:
Dedicate a week to advice-seeking. (I did.)
What do you look for in an advisor?
What’s some of the best advice you’ve received?
Bonus material:
The John Wooden Way: 5 Lessons (Plus What if Your Mentor seems Wrong) | Leadership Freak
Seven Ways to Spot Advice You Should Follow | Leadership Freak
Image source: Cat Cats Kitten – Free photo on Pixabay
What do you look for in an advisor?
Someone who
1. Asks questions, listens and digs until he/she fully understand the context and situation I need advise on.
2. Has experience, expertise, and wisdom.
3. doesn’t have a big ego.
In 2006, I wrote a book–“Leadership-Best Advice I Ever Received.”
If anyone would like an electronic copy send me an e-mail at:
pthornton@stcc.edu
Paul B. Thornton
Thanks Paul. So glad you added your insights today. I want to feel understood before I want your advice.
What do you look for in an advisor? Knowledge and expertise with the guiding light to get us through life’s challenges. As children its typically our parents, as we progress its our Teachers and soon its our C0-workers. Granted not everyone is available for the asking, sometimes we need to develop our own knowledge base. Encourage one self to develop the knowledge base and expertise its so much more affirmative to accomplish something without being baby sat all our lives
What’s some of the best advice you’ve received? “Learn to Love each other”, “you only have 1 family” , “relax and push”, Be yourself!
Thanks Tim. Love “relax and push.” It’s one of those statements that makes me think.
Listening is a key component to giving advice. Understanding deeply and thoroughly before proceeding to give advice.
That’s the truth, Steve. I want to be understood and if I want to be an advisor, I need to understand others.
“Explore disconfirming advice. Don’t reject it.” and “Success often hinges on disconfirming advice.” I like this direction. It goes with my analogy of getting to the fork in the road and most everyone takes the easy road (say the right road) whilst I always take the left road (the one less traveled). Why do I do so, it’s disruptive, it’s harder, it’s disconfirming but boy when I am successful it is much more affirming. And my smile is much broader. I just keep shaking my head at how so many are just too comfortable and lazy so they default to that “right” road, the easy one packed with others just all seeking the “easy” way. Let’s hear a hurrah for disruptive, harder, and disconfirming journeys they sure make life more interesting.
Thanks Roger. For some reason we seem to think the easy road is the right road. How many times have we missed great opportunities because we made the easy choice.
I absolutely Love “the road less traveled”. It is so much freer and clear, no traffic and one can move faster on said road. I can also look over at the “easy” road and smile and wave at those lazy ones as I move forward on “my road”. It’s liberating at a minimum and exciting at the same time.
On advisors (and management interactions): Solomon: “He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him.” Still good after all these years.
Thanks Glenn. The challenge is many managers have quick minds. They “know” before the other person get’s the words out of their mouth.
What do I look for in an advisor? Someone who will give me advice, not tell me what to do or get upset if I do something else.
Thank Jennifer. That can be a challenge. One way to resolve this is let your advisor know your gathering options before you make a decision.
Too many advisors give advice that they themselves would not implement and they assume that they know what is best in a situation. Those “fixers” just want to see someone implement their ideas without the consequences being on them. This could be as you described above as the arrogant advisor who thinks they know what is best for their advisee.