My Friend Died Last Tuesday
Cy’s wife called Tuesday morning to tell me he passed away between 4 and 5 a.m. My wife and I were enjoying breakfast on the deck. We saw him the week before.
The 11-hour trip to visit Cy didn’t feel good when we were driving, but I’m glad we did it.
Some things feel good after you do them.
Good feelings:
Some things feel good before you do them, anticipating vacation for example.
Some things feel good while you do them, eating ice cream for example.
Some things feel good after you do them, visiting a dying friend for example.
You can feel sad and happy at the same time.
Emotion and hard things:
The hard things in life feel good after you do them.
Bringing up an issue you’ve been putting off doesn’t feel good. But usually it feels good to have the conversation behind you, even if it didn’t go like you hoped.
Sometimes we deal with tough issues because not dealing with them is more painful than dealing with them.
Some things feel good because they’re over.
Asking for forgiveness never feels good until it’s over.
Terminating an employee doesn’t feel good, even if it’s in the best interest of the person.
Preparing for a meeting or presentation doesn’t feel good.
The time it takes to have the oil changed in my truck never feels good. But my truck seems to runs better when I stop procrastinating.
Decisions:
Good feelings are fickle when it comes to the hard things in life.
The uncomfortable feelings you can’t step into stand between meaning and futility.
Warning: Delay often multiplies disappointment and magnifies pain.
What are some things that usually don’t feel good until they’re over?
How are you navigating fickle emotion?
I am sorry to hear of Cy’s passing. May the Good Lord comfort all who loved him.
Thank you Jayne. We were friends.
Sometimes the toughest part of living falls on the dying, always the toughest part of dying falls on the living. May your good friend live on in your hearth and not your heartache. Been there, so empathies. Go well & stay strong. The Wiser Monkey..
Dear Dan and family,
My peace is with you and your friend. Your readers are grateful for your advice and your sharing of this personal moment that you are under no obligation to write about.
Love,
Elba Santiago
Thanks Elba. I’m not sure why I felt a liberty to write about this. In some ways it feels like trivializing a personal moment. In other ways it feels good to write about it. I’m glad you noticed.
So sorry for your loss! It is beautiful to read that while you are sad you are not regretful. I am touched that in this time you are finding the beauty and wisdom in this situation.
“Warning: Delay often multiplies disappointment and magnifies pain.”
Simple: I am never sorry for going on a walk but regret not going.
Moderate: Cleaning the house doesn’t feel good, a clean house does.
Complex: Changing employment (and looking for work!) doesn’t feel good, finding a new position that is a better fit does.
bardohn5 – I love your simple, moderate and complex examples. Thanks for adding to Dan’s personal experience. Some might not know the pain of having a friend die, but we all have daily difficulties and disappointments that when we get through them, we can see the good.
Dan,
So sorry to hear your friend Cy passed, may he rest in peace, prayers for his family and friends.
What are some things that usually don’t feel good until they’re over? Funerals for sure, watching loved ones suffer in sickness, job interviews jumped out for some reason, having one on ones to correct issues with children or workers.
How are you navigating fickle emotion? Understanding what I have control over and what I don’t, move forward once we resolve who controls what. Think of better places to be at that moment.
Thank y’all for your prayers , Dan & Dale are wonderful blessings over the years ,
My Thoughts & Prayers go out to you and Cy’s Family.
Thanks Jon. Much appreciated.
So sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing the experience with us…for me…who needed to be reminded about the silver linings which are in every cloud.
I’m so sorry for your loss and appreciate you sharing a sacred experience. I’m thinking Cy was a pretty great soul and that seeing you brought him some peace. Take care.
Rest in Peace, Cy. It will be wonderful and comforting to think about all the things Cy did to positively affect and add to your life, Dan. And at some point in the future, you will be together again!
Dan, I’m so sorry to hear about your friend, Cy. I’m praying for his friends and family.
This post struck home with me, as I consider the 4 hour trips I made weekly for both of my parents as they fought in their final days. I never regretted going. It’s easier to live with temporary inconvenience than regrets. It has been an important lesson for me in management as well.
I am sorry for the loss of your friend. Prayers for you and the family.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family.
My heartfelt condolences Dan. Inspiring that you take a lesson even from such situations and share it here four our benefit.Thank you.
Heartfelt condolences Dan. – “Toward the end of our visit, Cy said, “I didn’t want you to make such a long trip just to see me.” Then with mischief he said, “But I’m worth it.” I didn’t need to reply.” – now your friend makes that one of trip of this lifetime and will know the answers to things we can only just dream of……. Understanding cannot be learned, it comes with movement and change.
Sorry for your loss. Thank you for putting life into perspective.
Thanks for sharing this part of the story and of what you learned and experienced. We are all better for it.
Peace be with you, Dan.
Indeed. May the God of all comfort, comfort you and your friend’s widow. May Cy rest now until the resurrection!
My sincere condolences to you, Dan, on the loss of your friend Cy. Certainly not trivializing anything, from my perspective. My prayers go to his family in their time of loss.
As Cy was a blessing in your life, you are a blessing in mine. Your personal and professional sharing opens my eyes to deep truths, hard lessons and heartfelt blessings. Thank you, Dan.
So sorry for the loss of your friend. Thank you for sharing your experience in this situation.
This is a great post with timely information. Thank you.
My heartfelt sympathy for your loss.
Karen
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I’m sorry about your loss, Dan. Thanks for sharing your journey (and your friend’s) with us.
Thank you for sharing the vulnerability that comes with being open with your personal experience. Your words are wise and I am sure that Cy would be pleased that you are sharing the importance of your last visit with him and encouraging others to not miss those opportunities.
My condolences on your loss of your friend. It speaks volumes that you were able to use your pain as the genesis for this post.
I am sorry to read about your friend’s passing. Sometimes we all need to be reminded that tomorrow is not promised. Thank you for these reflections.
Hi Dan,
Thank you so much for posting this and the previous re visiting …
Your compassion, love for your friend and his family will certainly have helped them to deal with the coming pain..
God bless…
Maurice
Dan, I am sorry for the pain you are going through. Thank you for sharing your reflections. I’ve regretted putting off some visits or letters until it was too late. I’ll be praying for you and for Cy’s family.
Thank you for being brave/courageous in sharing a very personal moment. I feel it does not trivialize the moment, it gives me a moment of thought and clarity on what matters. I’m so glad you took the journey. Thoughts and prayers to you and your friends family. Thank you for this important reminder.
Hi Dan,
Your posts on Cy have resonated deeply with me as I went to visit a dying friend last week. It has certainly helped me to put things into perspective as was reading Khalil Gibran”s Joy and Sorrow. My friend also read me this beautiful piece from Hafiz:
“How should those who know God meet and part?
The way an old musician greets their beloved instrument.
And will take special care, as a great artist always does, to enhance the final note of each performance.”
Dear Dan,
Visiting an ailing friend, relative or neighbor reflects on our penchant for the necessary care, concern and utmost duty! It brings the inner joy and recollection of pleasant memories. It turns out to be a part of healing process. At times, sincere prayers as offered by the patient’s well-wishers play a magical role.
I am sorry to hear about the loss of your friend, Dan. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.