2 Steps to Become Your Aspirational Self And Still Be Your Real Self
Growth is becoming your aspirational self, not languishing with the façade of authenticity.
Don’t turn from challenge or opportunity with self-affirming nonsense like, “It’s just not me,” or, “That’s not who I am.”
“Authenticity” is self-sabotage when it prolongs inaction, incompetence, and pitiful self-satisfaction.
The question to ask about opportunity or challenge is how does it give expression to your aspirational self?
How to become your aspirational self:
#1. Define who you aspire to become.
Make a list of people you admire. Three will do, but if you have time, list more. Beside each person’s name write the distinguishing quality or qualities you admire about them. I did this with a leader this morning. He listed three names and three qualities.
- Mother Theresa – loving.
- Winston Churchill – courage.
- Steve Jobs – vision.
We explored what he admired until he distilled their admirable quality to one word. (It’s not necessary to limit this exercise to one quality per person.)
I looked at him and said, “This is who you aspire to become.”
When coaching, you could be less direct by asking, “How do these people reflect who you aspire to become? The next question(s) convert this exercise from insight to opportunity.
#2. Engage your aspirational self.
- With your aspirational self in mind, what’s next?
- How would your aspirational self handle this situation?
- What would you like to do today with your aspirational self in mind?
- How does becoming your aspirational self inform the way you would like to show up today?
- Which decision best reflects and satisfies your aspirational self?
The people you admire reflect the person you hope to become.
Tip: While performing this exercise, don’t focus on the accomplishments of admirable people. Focus on character attributes.
Who do you admire?
How might the people you admire reflect the person you aspire to become?
Dwight D. Eisenhower, who stressed the character of Gen. George Marshall and the virtues of selfless leadership he demonstrated throughout his career.
In his opening he said of Marshall:
A few of his characteristics are uppermost in my memory, and on these I shall dwell. They include his consideration for others; his clear, direct, and logical approach to any major military problem; his complete, single-minded dedication and loyalty to his country and government; and his selflessness and objectivity in making decisions and in courageously discharging his vitally important duties.
Thanks William. I think we all would enjoy be remembered like that. I’m glad you joined in today.
Who do you admire? Anyone that has ever offered guidance to live a righteous life and make the best of anything.
How might the people you admire reflect the person you aspire to become? They gave us the stepping stones we just needed to learn how to use them.
Thanks Tim. I hadn’t thought of stepping stones in this context, but it works well because it caries the suggestion of personal responsibility.
What a great exercise, Dan! Thank you for helping me see so much more clearly and quickly who I really want to become. I am going to do this with my college students. Thank you!
Help me understand “Which decision best reflects and satisfies your aspirational self?” Is that past decisions I have made, or seen others make? Choices in front of me now? Both?