Sources of Irritation and Exasperation – The Naughty List
Don’t make yourself special by making your exasperations unique. You might think your frustration outshines the irritation of others, but you’re not that special.
Exasperation is common to all, even if specific causes differ.
The naughty list:
Give yourself 15-minutes to list your irritations and exasperations on paper. (Take all the time you need.) Record specifics. You might write, “The VP of Marketing sets goals without talking to me,” for example.
My naughty list contains the following items and more:
- Anyone who doesn’t do what they say.
- People who can’t see beyond the end of their nose. (Short-sighted, self-centered people.)
- People who manipulate for personal advantage or just the simple pleasure of it.
- A belly that is bigger than I would like.
- People who don’t give me the admiration I feel I richly deserve.
- Talking about money.
- All complainers. (It is not lost on me that I’m complaining right now.)
- Braggarts, along with people who like wearing ties.
- Arrogant people who think they can do things they’ve never done.
- People who don’t work as hard as I do, but think they work harder than me.
4 lessons from the naughty list:
#1. It’s good to occasionally think about things you don’t like. Things you ignore keep happening.
#2. Irritation and exasperation usually concern people. The world might be better with a few less people in it.
#3. Recurring frustrations continue until something changes. Maybe I should stop waiting for the inevitable!
#4. I prefer thinking about things others should do. Responsibility is medicine for grownups that requires personal action.
Tip: If you create a naughty list, don’t post it on the company bulletin board or the Internet. Best to shred it.
Try making two lists – irritations you have control over and all the rest. Burn the rest.
What’s on your list of irritations or exasperations?
What does your list teach you?
Thanks everyday Dan!
Your emails have gone a long way in transforming me and the person I’m becoming. Thanks for all the good contents.
On Mon, 28 Jun 2021 at 11:34 AM, Leadership Freak wrote:
> Dan Rockwell posted: ” Don’t make yourself special by making your > exasperations unique. You might think your frustration outshines the > irritation of others, but you’re not that special. Exasperation is common > to all, even if specific causes differ. The naughty list:” >
Thanks Melanintorrent. I think writing these posts transforms me. I wish you well.
Great post. I think we all fall into the trap of feeling like our area of the world has it the worst, or the hardest. It’s good to write these down, look at what we may be able to impact, and let the rest go. Thanks Dan.
Thanks Jenifer. Much appreciated.
We had a supervisor support group a few years back. It was supervisors from various units, and we met once a month. The biggest thing I learned from it was that my frustrations were not unique: supervisors in other units had similar frustrations.
Thanks Jennifer. It seems like open communication might help us realize that other people face challenges as well. 🙂
Thanks again Dan. Yes all of these are irritating. My favorites are 1,2,3,5 and 6, and I’ll add my own – people who choose never to be direct in communication and as an added result, never fully acknowledge or answer points and questions to an email.
You’re right, it’s very good to pay attention to how much we maintain irritation and refocus energy on things that feel good, while compassionately holding people to appropriate exchange.
Thanks Steve. Yes…obfuscation is frustrating. All the dilly dallying makes everything take longer. I feel like there’s an important place for gentleness in communication. But I think we can practice gentleness while speaking directly.
Great article, as always Dan. Thank you for being so prolific and keeping your leadership thoughts flowing, they help me stay positive.
One thing I have been focusing on recently is avoiding the use of the word “should.” Instead I substitute “it would be nice if” or “it would be beneficial if…” For example, instead of thinking or saying that my Team Leads should not complain so much, I rephrase it this way – “It would be beneficial for our teams if there is less complaining and more brain storming for solutions.”
I wanted to share that in case anyone else finds themselves getting caught in the trap of what others or themselves “should or should not” do.
Thank you Jenean. Wonderful. I’ve had people mention discomfort with “should.” Perhaps we shouldn’t use should. But your suggestion is great. My favorite is “It would be beneficial if….”