A Realistic Approach to Stress Management that doesn’t cause more Stress
I hate the expression, ‘stress management’. I get stressed when people tell me to relax. Thick books about managing stress make my belly hurt.
The individuality of stress aggravates me. Stressors that bother me don’t bother you. Now I’m stressed that you think I’m weak because the things that stress me don’t stress you.
Stressors:
People are the biggest stressors in life. Well, maybe health issues that could kill you, but usually people are terribly inconvenient when it comes to stress.
Words that begin with ‘in’ are stressors.
- Insecurity.
- Inferiority.
- Incompetence.
- Inexperience.
- Investigations.
- Incompatibility.
- Inflexibility.
- Inconveniences.
- Inadequacy.
- Interference.
‘In’ words are so dangerous they should be removed from the dictionary. But that seems infeasible.
Solving stress:
#1. Forget, “Fake it till you make it.”
You can’t lie to yourself and get away with it for long.
“Fake it till you make it,” when it comes to stress, is a ticking timebomb.
Pretending ends up causing stress and your brain knows you’re lying.
#2. Don’t tell yourself to relax.
It’s futile to tell yourself to stop feeling something you’re feeling. It only exacerbates negative emotion when you tell yourself to get over it or not to feel it.
#3. Accept stress as part of life.
The other word for stress-free is boring.
Fighting stress is stressful. Stress is less stressful when you appreciate eustress.
Healthy stress:
- Keeps you on your toes.
- Reflects an appreciation for reality.
- Motivates preparation.
- Brings out your best.
Stress is like salt. A pinch enhances flavor, but a fistful ruins the soup.
#4. Stress reflects your relationship with control.
Stress goes up when you try to control the weather.
I’ve read a list of 50 things you can control. They all boil down to two things – attitude and actions. Frankly, I’ve got my hands full managing those two items.
What causes stress?
How might people ‘solve’ stress?
Attitude and Actions… I agree, those 2 are enough to produce a load of stress on their own. I would love to see the list of 50 things you can control. High Stress levels even makes that hard to see. Thank you for your insight. Will
Continue to work towards eustress.
Thanks Camille. The 50 things on a website all boiled down to attitude and action.
Was that here that I read instead of “fake it ’til you make make it” do “work it ’til you get it”?
Hi Edgar. That wasn’t me, but it seems like a good alternative.
Great takeaways and analogies in this post! Thank-you Dan!
What I can control: my attitude and my actions.
What I need: eustress.
A good reminder on how I view stress – a pinch for flavor and correct urgency or a handful that is removing all joy from my day.
I bet I can figure out how to downsize the handful to the pinch if I’ll recognize my ANT’s sooner (automatic negative thoughts). My favorite ANT happens to be “catastrophize”. She visits often. I’m getting better at getting her to leave sooner. 🙂
Interesting that I read this blog post just as I am finished with this one: https://zenhabits.net/ultimate-freedom/
This one boils down to that you can control your attitude, by accepting what is; de-coupling your stress-reaction from the reality, and just seeing it as energy & matter. And be free (from stress, in this case)
It also states it will take some practice 😉
I am practicing hard.
What causes stress? Poor planning and lack of knowledge. Of course we can go on with many items asyou started the list with “in”.
How might people ‘solve’ stress? The biggest one is knowing what we control and how we can conrol the stress. If we have no control of the situation we have to learn how to control perhaps by contacting those who drive the Train how to stop the Train, etc…