Stress: How to get Screaming Monkeys off your Back
Stress has good intentions. It tells you to stay alert, prepare, avoid, or fight. But stress throws a fit when you ignore it.
Stress doesn’t care what you do as long as you agree, “We have a prrrrrobbbbblemmmmm!”
The monkey technique:
Sometimes stress is a screaming monkey that belongs to someone else.
Someone walks into your office with a monkey that wears the disguise of a good idea. They say, “I think WE should (fill in the blank).” At that point you do something idiotic. You agree.
What they really meant was, “I think YOU should….” Before long you’ve taken ownership of their screaming monkey. Guess who walks out empty handed and stress free?
4 people with a monkey ownership addiction:
- Helpful Helen. Helen just can’t help being helpful, even if she can’t get her own job done. This is irresponsible helpfulness.
- Compassionate Charlie. Discomfort drives Charlie crazy. He rushes in to lift other people’s load, even if it’s their job. This is ruinous compassion.
- Brilliant Buford. Buford knows a better way to do things and ends up doing things himself. This is arrogant helpfulness.
- Imaginative Ida. Ida just needs one little nudge to generate a bucketful of new jobs for herself. This is the Dreamer’s dilemma.
Ownership:
Eliminate unnecessary stress by establishing monkey ownership. Say, “Not my monkey,” if it’s not your monkey. (Silently to yourself.)
Don’t be an uncaring jerk-hole. Don’t say, “Not my circus, not my monkey.” It is your circus if you’re part of an organization.
You care. But all the monkeys don’t belong to you.
Don’t say WE when you actually mean YOU.
The cutest part of a monkey is its backside walking away from you.
It doesn’t matter how cute the little monkey is – send it home with its owner.
How might leaders stop owning other people’s monkeys?
What helps you identify the true ownership of the monkey?
According to Gallup, workers’ stress reached a record high in 2020.
Shifting the Monkey by Todd Whitaker. Great book!
How might leaders stop owning…
1. Listen intently as “problems ” may be opportunities.
2. Ask good follow up questions.
3. Then ask, “How do you plan to address this problem?
= Monkey Shifted
What helps you identify the true ownership of the monkey?
Engaging and empowering the “problem” presenter to resolve the matter with sound advice and encouragement.
Thank you for bringing this to my attention as well as coming up with a solution. I look forward to seeing your results.
Thanks Joseph. I went out to check out your book recommendation. Looks like a good one.
Don’t simply send monies out. Engage with the monkey owner. Great!
I first encountered the “monkey” analogy while in college, reading “Management Time: Who’s Got the Monkey?” by William Oncken, Jr. and Donald L. Wass in the December 1974 issue of Harvard Business review. (In 1999, HBR reprinted the article with added commentary by Steven R, Covey; definitely worth a read. at https://hbr.org/1999/11/management-time-whos-got-the-monkey ) The ideas raised in this article served me well during my career.
Thanks Jim. Onken/Wass’s article is one of the all time best on HBR. Glad you mentioned it.
I was in a training where we were given “Monkey Tickets”: a form for delegating tasks so they actually get delegated. Because just saying “Here’s your monkey” isn’t enough to keep the monkey from jumping back into your arms.
Thanks Jennifer. That sounds fantastic! Those dang monkeys jump all over the place. Plus, some people are so inviting!
And because I am a visual person, I bought two Barrels of Monkeys: purple (a color I like) for monkeys I have given away and orange (a color I don’t like) for monkeys given to me. My goal is to have no orange monkeys hanging in front of me. Or at least more purple monkeys than orange ones.
” ‘Not my circus, not my monkey.’ It is your circus if you’re part of an organization.”
Well!! This was rather a minor epiphany to start my day today. I actually liked this phrase when I discovered it in recent years. It seemed to allow me to identify what I could dive into, and what I should not. But I also know Me and I’m pleased to meet you – I am HelenCharlie. And I have been working on this character “flaw” for some time. I always have the BEST of intentions, but y’know, sometimes that doesn’t work out as needed. Because I DO care, and I care deeply!
So, I will adapt this refinement (for myself at least) and work on recognizing which *ring* of the circus is mine to live in – which I can actually actively HELP with, etc. – and which I am better suited to observe and engage when asked/invited, or I see an opportunity to offer genuine assistance. I think sometimes there are already enough monkeys, and they know their own rings better than I …
Thanks for a wonderful comment, Shannon. It’s encouraging to see aspirational transparency. I wish you well. Cheers.
Thank you for identifying the “monkeys” in our lives. It is so easy for managers to take ownership of the things that are going on. We are taught early on not to shirk responsibilities. Some folks are professionals at “re-assigning” their responsibilities and their accountabilities to us that originally assigned the task to them. Thank you for re-issuing the Teflon vest back to those of us that are in charge. Bill Sewell
Thanks Bill. You probably know the term, but I’ll add it here anyway. It’s called reverse delegation. You’d be surprised how many kind-hearted managers end up doing other people’s work for them.
I suppose the problem arises when we don’t fulfill our responsibilities because we’re doing someone else’s.