One day over coffee …
Some time back, a high-potential leader asked if I saw anything in him that might hold him back. I said, “Yes,” and pointed out a problem area.
Without hesitation, he began telling me, in the nicest way, I was wrong. If you didn’t know, know-it-alls can be nice. But, in the end, He was right and I was wrong.
I’ve been wrong many times. However, when I told him he didn’t listen well, he proceeded to explain that he did listen well and why I was wrong.
Good listeners say things like, “What do you see in me that suggests I’m not a good listener.” His self-justifying, “I am right response,” proved he wasn’t a good listener.
A choice …
After someone tells you you’re wrong, you have a choice. Explain how you are right or change the subject. I changed the subject. Conversations designed to prove a know-it-all doesn’t know it all frequently end badly. Typically, they don’t work.
If you must …
If you can’t let the problem go, explain it in behavioral terms and get acknowledgement that there is a problem. Ask, “Do you agree that I see a problem?” Follow up with, “What do you think I see?” Avoid “why” questions.
Reality …
In some ways and at some times, we all know too much. For example, I asked Mike Myatt for his input and he told me something I didn’t expect or want to hear. I felt my internal know-it-all rising up. When that happens it’s best to beat it down and listen. Someone else could be right.
*****
(This post doesn’t focus on employees that require correction.)
How can leaders successfully point out weaknesses in others?
How do you deal with your own internal know-it-all?