“Most people never listen.” Hemingway
Questions are gifts. Asking, followed by listening, says others matter; telling says you matter.
Eager to talk is reluctant to ask.
Enemies of curiosity:
- Disinterest. You really don’t care.
- Need to appear smart.
- Hurry. The need for speed, at least initially, stifles curiosity.
- Knowledge. Those who know don’t ask.
- Answers. Answers end thought.
Pretend you don’t have the answer, you may find another.
Powerful questions:
- Initiate listening. It’s hard to listen without questions.
- Call for answers. Questions create curiosity and engage minds.
- Ignite self-persuasion.
- Invite connection. Anyone who says they want to connect but never asks questions is confused or deceived about the nature of connecting.
- Guide conversations. Don’t tell people what to talk about, ask questions.
- Teach and open minds.
- Explain priorities. You ask about what matters.
If you want to change results, change questions.
Second questions:
Second questions matter more than first because they explore what matters. First questions address obvious issues. Second questions explore meaning, purpose, method, and/or value.
Exceptional leaders ask second questions.
First question: What’s your mission?
Second question: What makes your mission matter?
First question: Who are your customers?
Second question: What made them become your customers?
First question: What’s frustrating?
Second question: How can you address your frustrations?
Before:
Clarify before answering.
Never simply answer when someone asks, “What’s your story?” Always ask, “What do you want to know?*”
Save time, establish priorities, and narrow focus by inviting questioners to declare themselves.
Answer questions with questions, before giving answers.
Avoid:
Some questions are better than others.
- What’s wrong with me?
- What did I do wrong?
- What went wrong? (KaChing)
A favorite question:
I hear what you don’t want. What do you want?
Added resources:
9 Unexpected Questions that Create Engagement
10 Questions that Give Vitality to Beginnings
15 Questions Guaranteed to Create Clarity
*From: “Power Questions,” by Sobel and Panas
How can leaders learn to ask questions?
What are some useful second questions?
