Listening increases the value and impact of your words.
“The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.” Stephen R. Covey
Not listening:
Waiting-listening:
Most people think that listening is the price we pay for our turn to talk. We have to listen so we can talk. In other words, listening is a cost.
When was the last time you were more excited to listen than talk?
Judging-listening.
I’m so comfortable judging that non-judgmental listening feels wrong.
Quick minds judge quickly. You work to prove you’re right once you decide someone’s idea is flawed. You point out mistakes. You validate your judgement.
Self-justification follows judgement.
Useful listening:
Listen to learn.
Enthusiasm to express yourself prevents learning.
Be more enthusiastic to listen and less excited to express yourself.
Unfocused conversations feel like chasing chickens.
- Listen to connect.
- Listen to learn.
- Listen to explore.
Exploratory-listening:
- How did you come up with this approach?
- What needs to be true for this solution to work?
- What’s the next step?
- Six months from now this blows up. What didn’t we do?
- What advice would the wisest advisor you know give you?
- What’s the most important success factor for this plan?
- If we made this solution just a little better, what might we do?
How to improve listening:
#1. Declare a specific intention.
A squishy intention like, I’m working to listen better, isn’t actionable.
I’m working on listening that lets others feel heard.
#2. Seek feedback.
What do I do – when you are talking – that helps you feel heard?*
What do I do – when you are talking – that gives you the impression that I’m not listening?
#3. Choose one listening skill to practice.
- Head nodding.
- Ask two questions before making one statement.
- Pausing when people are done speaking.
- Ask, “And what else?”
#4. Repeat steps 1 through 3.
How might leaders develop their listening skills?
How might leaders help others develop their listening skills?
Bonus material:
Nate Regier suggests asking:
“When you feel most heard, what am I doing?”
“What do I do that invites you to feel heard?”
“What do I do that helps you feel heard?”